8 Rude Things You Might Be Doing as a Houseguest, According to Etiquette Experts
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Naturally, no one wants to be a bad houseguest. But sometimes little things you’re doing (or not doing!) may annoy your host. “It’s a privilege to be asked to stay with someone, so you want to show your respect for the household and everyone’s boundaries,” says etiquette expert Jules Martinez Hirst, founder of Etiquette Consulting, Inc.. “That starts with good communication, and the more detailed, the better.”
Before the visit, discuss particulars, such as how long you’re planning to be in town and whether you’ll be working or if it’s more of a vacation, says Hirst. Sharing the specifics ensures that you and your host can align your expectations for the stay, which prevents misunderstandings or hurt feelings.
If you’re putting out feelers about a visit, pose it so that your host doesn’t feel obligated to offer lodging. “Be aware that a visit is a potential imposition, so you should ask in a way that leaves room for a host to say now is not a good time,” says Lizzie Post, co-author of Emily Post’s Etiquette, The Centennial Edition. “You want to give them an out, if need be.”
You can say something like, “I’m coming into town for these dates, and I wanted to see if I can stay with you. If not, I totally understand. But regardless, I’d love to see you for dinner,” says Post. This allows your host to extend the invitation for lodging but shows you’re not assuming you’re staying with them.
Because no one wants to be rude or make others feel uncomfortable in their own homes, read on to discover what rude things you might be doing as a houseguest:
Not being clear about the purpose of your visit
For example, if you’re in town on business, explain what days you’re working and what times you’re free. That way your host can plan when you can spend time socializing together, says Hirst. What you don’t want to happen is that your host takes time off thinking you’re going to be together, but then you’re tied up in Zoom calls all day because you didn’t fully communicate your schedule.
Not sharing your arrival and departure times
Keep in touch about your arrival time, and update your host about delays—regardless of whether they’re meeting you at the airport. In fact, “don’t put the burden on the host to pick you up. It’s great if they offer, but as the guest, be prepared to figure out your own way home from the arrival spot to their front door,” says Post.
Ditto for departure times. Make sure you are clear about when you’re headed home, and ask if that works for them (you never know what they have going on, and you don't want to interfere with their plans). If you don't communicate clearly, it puts your host in the uncomfortable and awkward position of having to ask you, “So, when are you leaving?”
Assuming your kids, pets or spouse are welcome
Didn’t mention your dog, spouse and/or kids will be tagging along? That’s a big no-no.
“Just because your dog fits on your lap doesn’t mean it doesn’t count. Mention ahead of time anyone who will be traveling with you. Don’t assume they’re automatic guests,” says Post.
Not following the house rules
“From the time you set foot in the house, follow the host’s rules,” says Hirst. For example, ask whether you should remove your shoes (even if you didn’t have time to get a pedicure or if you forgot your slippers).
Inquire about meal times and quiet times, such as what time the kids go to bed or when everyone gets up in the morning so that you can mesh your schedule with theirs.
Not keeping personal items corralled
Your host wants you to feel at home, but the truth is: This isn’t your home. So keep your belongings (cell phone, charger cord, laptop, handbag, and so on) in your room.
“Make sure your things are tucked away every day and not in everyone else’s way,” says Post. And tidy up the space which has been given to you, even if it’s a pull-out bed in the living room. In fact, convert it back to a living room when you get up.
Not cleaning up after yourself
You don’t have to break out the spray cleaner bottle and start dusting (which is a little presumptuous anyhow), but you should straighten up the common areas you’re using, says Post. Use a coaster, stack the magazines on the end table, neaten up the throw pillows on the sofa, fold the throws, put the remote away, and take your coffee cup to the dishwasher.
If sharing a bathroom, make sure to keep it clean and take all your toiletries out of it when not in use. Also, avoid monopolizing it and taking an hour-long shower, especially if there’s only one bathroom, says Hirst.
Not bringing a gift for your host
It doesn't matter when you present a gift, but it should happen. “It’s important to acknowledge the impact of your visit, and a gift is a way of expressing gratitude,” says Post.
Bringing something is fine, but you may be inspired while you’re there and come up with a hostess gift idea you can send afterwards. Another option is to take them out to dinner. Say something like, “While I'm here, I’d love to treat you for hosting me, so what’s your favorite restaurant?”
Leaving a mess when you depart
Minimize the cleanup required when you leave. For example, ask if they want you to take the sheets off the bed or take the towels to the laundry room.
“The goal is to leave no trace of yourself,” says Hirst. That’s not only the polite thing to do, it’s a concrete way to show your host how much you appreciate being allowed to share their home.
Naturally, no one wants to be a bad houseguest. But sometimes little things you’re doing (or not doing!) may annoy your host. “It’s a privilege to be asked to stay with someone, so you want to show your respect for the household and everyone’s boundaries,” says etiquette expert Jules Martinez Hirst, founder of Etiquette Consulting, Inc.. “That starts with good communication, and the more detailed, the better.”
Before the visit, discuss particulars, such as how long you’re planning to be in town and whether you’ll be working or if it’s more of a vacation, says Hirst. Sharing the specifics ensures both your host and you have aligned your expectations for the stay, which prevents misunderstandings.
If you’re putting out feelers about a visit, pose it so that your host doesn’t feel obligated to offer lodging. “Be aware that a visit is a potential imposition, so you should ask in a way that leaves room for a host to say now is not a good time,” says Lizzie Post, co-author of Emily Post’s Etiquette, The Centennial Edition. “You want to give them an out, if need be.”
You can say something like, “I’m coming into town for these dates, and I wanted to see if I can stay with you. If not, I totally understand. But regardless, I’d love to see you for dinner or while I’m there,” says Post. This allows your host to extend the invitation for lodging but shows you’re not assuming you’re staying with them.
Because no one wants to be rude or make others feel uncomfortable in their own homes, read on to discover what rude things you might be doing as a houseguest:
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