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By Debra Macleod
I can’t tell you how many unhappy husbands I’ve seen in my office over the past decade or so. They present with all kinds of issues—from infidelity, to in-law troubles, and everything in between.
Yet, despite the variety of marriage problems that can arise, there are some complaints that are so prevalent and common that they warrant being singled out.
Below are eight of the most common complaints that unhappy husbands make about their wives. Read them. Believe them. Stop them:
1. You’re a grump.
When you speak to your husband, your voice tone is full of negativity, contempt and criticism. If he tries to express a concern or complaint about the marriage, you rise up in angry defensiveness and throw the blame back on him instead of hearing him out.
2. You’re a nag.
If your husband has a free moment, you pounce on him and order him to fix something around the house. If he goes out with friends, you text him incessantly, asking when he’ll be home. Basically, you’re a matrimonial version of the micro-managing boss.
3. You’re a cold fish in bed.
If he flashes you a flirtatious wink, you roll your eyes. If he reaches for you in bed, you turn your back to him. On those rare occasions you do give in and have sex, you lie there and stare at the ceiling, waiting for it to be over and sapping all the fun out of it.
4. You’re a frump.
Whether you’ve stopped exercising or started wearing sweatpants, you’ve let yourself go and lost your energy and enthusiasm for life. To be honest, this isn’t a top complaint that I hear from men; however, a woman who feels unattractive often withdraws—emotionally and physically—from her marriage. And that is something that husbands do complain about.
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5. You’re a “Mommy,” and nothing else.
You get way more excited about a “Mommy & Me” playdate than a romantic evening with your husband. Just keep in mind that a child-centered marriage isn’t a marriage at all; it’s just a daycare.
6. You’re an alpha parent.
As the leader of the parenting pack, you snap at your husband every time he tries to be a dad or parent his children in the way he sees fit. As a result, you rob your children of a father’s care and discipline, and you drive a wedge between you and your husband.
7. You’re thankless.
Whether your husband has put in major overtime at work or spent his entire long-weekend building you that backyard deck you want, you take his efforts for granted and fail to show appreciation for anything he does for you or your family.
8. You’re (yawn) boring.
You don’t have any interests or hobbies outside the marriage or home (no, Facebook isn’t a hobby). That makes you predictable and bland company who never has anything interesting to add to a conversation. You should get a life, to put it plainly.
If you’re worried that the passion in your marriage is starting to subside, don’t panic. Instead, take a good, hard look at your own behavior. How can you bring more positivity and romance into your marriage? How can you make your husband feel more appreciated and desired? How can you build him up as a loving, competent parent? How can you make him happy?
Believe it or not, making your husband happy is the surest way to motivate him to make you happy. Like attracts like. Loving, appreciative behavior attracts loving, appreciative behavior. Positivity and enthusiasm attracts positivity and enthusiasm. Fun and affection attracts fun and affection. You get the idea.
Of course, it takes two to tango and men need to do their part, too. That being said, there’s nothing stopping you from taking the lead and doing what you can to make your marriage a happier, sexier and stronger one … starting today.
Debra Macleod is a YourTango Expert and couples’ mediator turned relationship author-expert who uses her extensive training, experience and skill set to help individuals and couples save their relationships, avoid divorce and make positive changes to their family and personal lives.