Welcome to Horny on Main, where each month horny expert Sophia Benoit will be highlighting the sexiest things men did.
Look, I can be a bit...hard on men. (Someone once got mad at me for a tweet saying that men can’t tell the difference between a clementine and an orange, which I stand by). Often, this is not without reason looks pointedly at magicians and elected officials, professions which are overwhelmingly male. But men do plenty of great, sexy things too, and I wanted to call attention to those.
Sure, typically the word “horny” is invoked exclusively in sexual contexts, but take it from me, a person who writes about sex on the internet, it’s very fun to apply it more broadly. As such, this will be a space of appreciation for emotional-horn, if you will, not just daaaaaaaaaamn-horn, like Joe Manganiello in the convenience store scene of Magic Mike XXL. (Which actually did make my heart feel light, too). Here are seven men who did hot and spicy things last month that made me rejoice.
1. Josh Gondelman’s hilarious new book, Nice Try, includes the delightful dedication to his wife, “To Maris, in hopes that having a book dedicated to her will make her enemies jealous.” Very “Alexis Ohanian wearing a D.A.R.E. shirt to Serena Williams’s tennis match. Personally, I’m waiting for my boyfriend to write a book dedicated, “To Sophia, who should talk even more, because she’s always right.”
2. Tyler Cameron, undisputed king of the Bachelor universe, admitted he got boners on dates. Should this delight me as much as it does? Probably not, but there is something so… quaint about a guy admitting to popping a boner on a date with his girlfriend. It’s like being in high school again, sitting on bean bags in someone’s parents’ basement and your friend admits that he’s not sure how condoms work because he moved the year they taught sex ed at his last school—something so vulnerable that everyone agrees not to make fun of him. It absolutely does not hurt that Cameron looks like what he looks like.
3. I’m adding a new carving in the Mount Rushmore of good celebrity Twitter follows beside mainstays Ice T, Lizzo, and Frankie Muniz (mostly for his tweets about Lizzo). Simu Liu, who, in case you didn’t know, got cast as Shang-Chi after tweeting at Marvel about it (okay, that’s not how casting works, but it’s a nice story). Anyway, his Twitter is full of fun videos and strong social stances and light jokes. When someone asked him to verify his superhero casting, he responded with, “If it's not true then I am officially the victim of the greatest prank ever executed in the history of humanity.” It’s almost like he knows what the app is there for. Refreshing.
4. Jennifer Lynn Lopez, goddess of this earth, will shortly pick up her deserved Oscar for Hustlers and everybody knows it. A-Rod—whom she’s engaged to, in case you don’t keep up with Important News items—doesn’t just know it, he’s already in full-on celebration mode. He got her a god damn stripper cake! And the cake came with a note that said “Congratulations on Hustlers. So proud of you! Love hustling through life with you.” Everyone deserves a fiancé who orders them themed cakes for career accomplishments. (And who uses exclamation points). It’s sexy, and I never thought I’d find A-Rod sexy.
5. tWitch and his wife Allison Holker, dancing on Instagram is… simply the horniest. The couple posts a lot of choreographed videos—they met on So You Think You Can Dance, after all—but their chemistry paired with Normani's “Motivation,” the official sex anthem of the summer, is an unbeatable combo. They are so clearly in love that I can already feel how uncomfortable their children are going to be when they have friends over in middle school. “Please ignore my mom and dad making out on the patio.” I’m not saying you need to learn how to dance like tWitch (never hurts), but men doing choreographed, synchronized dances with their partners has really fallen to the wayside in the past 70 years, and I’m ready for it to come back. Hell, just being willing to dance with your girlfriend is hot. You don’t even have to Instagram it.
6. If you’re not watching The Great British Bake Off, clearly you’ve got free therapy or a lot of effective drugs because that show is single-handedly holding most of us together. One of the most soothing parts of the show is co-host Noel Fielding and his kooky shirt collection. Fielding, in particular, buttresses the whimsy of the show, where amateur bakers sweat it out in a tent in a random British park on the weekends in between their real jobs for absolutely no money. His friendliness, his willingness to dress up as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz (an outfit he may have already owned), and his cheery delivery of the darkest quips mold him into the most enjoyable and, dare I say it, horniest part of the show. Please come laugh through all my failures with me, Noel Fielding.
7. Timothée “Two Es” Chalamet, when he’s not crying on screen with his beautiful hair, is all about pushing fashion boundaries. And last month, at the Venice Film Festival, he wore a silvery, belted Haider Ackermann suit with black leather boots that had the overall effect of an ethereal space force commander. Every time he appears on the red carpet in one of his glorious get ups my heart starts fluttering with the hope that this is the moment where straight guys get into fashion. Alas, we can’t all descend from wealthy, half-French families, but I can—and will!—dare to dream. Regardless of what everyone else is up to sartorially, I want Timmy to dress up in this outfit and hit me with his car.
Originally Appeared on GQ