The 7 Most Toxic Relationship Patterns—And How to Break Them For Good
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The Ghost/Clinger Pattern
What it looks like: One person feels like their relationship is perfect, but the other needs some space. The space-seeker flakes, making the nester cling harder, which then makes the space-seeker run for the hills. "This is one of the most common patterns in my practice," says therapist and Dating from the Inside Out author Dr Paulette Sherman. "One person will feel like their comfort zone is distance, especially after an argument, while the other will feel like they need to talk right way." Why it's easy to fall into: We all refuel in different ways, and we could be both hard-wired and socialized to fall into a pattern. "There could be a familiar blueprint from your childhood," says Sherman. " It can be normal to fall into the same thing." What to do: Try to communicate in the other person's style. "People think "if you loved me you'd connect the way I do," says Sherman. After a long day, if your partner's feeling more solo walk than cuddly, let him go. "It's better if the person who wants to feel closer would just ask, "What would be a good time for you to talk? That way, the other person has the time they need to regroup."
Dana Tepper
You talked it out, sworn to change, but still follow the same destructive playbook.
