7 Confidence Boosting Tips You Can Use Today
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We all recognize confident people when we see them—the ones who seem to truly love themselves and exude that little extra special that makes them appear invincible. When you see them, you can't help but want to learn more about them, listen to what they have to say, or just silently take notes on how to be more like them. But confidence is much more than a personality trait: It’s a skill that can be learned, and an important one at that: “Researchers find that we're more apt to follow a confident person than a competent person,” says Valerie Young, Ed.D, the author of The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women and co-founder of Impostor Syndrome Institute.
If you’re willing to push yourself outside your comfort zone, it is absolutely achievable to be more confident, and in turn, project that self-esteem outward to the world. These tips can help you get started if you have no idea what step one should be. And remember, even the most confident individuals have "faked it til' they made it," so don't be afraid to do the same. In fact, you may find that it's easier to adopt a new mindset if you just act like it's already part of you before it completely sinks in internally. Remember, you were born to shine, so let these tips on how to increase your confidence in any situation be your starting point.
To be more confident in yourself, find supportive friends.
It’s crucial to spend time with friends and family who have your best interests at heart and are there to build you up every step of the way. “When we are embarking on something new and our confidence is fragile, we need family or friends to help encourage us to go after those things we fear,” explains Louisa Jewell, author of Wire Your Brain for Confidence: The Science of Conquering Self-Doubt.
“Self-doubt is socially constructed," she says. So if you tell your bestie about a goal of yours, whether it’s going after a new job or starting a diet challenge, and they scoff at it, your confidence will likely be knocked right down. Jewell suggests sharing any goals or ideas with your most supportive friends first, not because you need them to agree with you on everything, but because you know they will at least be positive and constructive in their feedback.
And then, believe you’ll be successful.
If your inner circle can help you believe in your ability to succeed, it goes a long way toward helping you take concrete steps toward your goals. “There’s a more action-oriented kind of confidence called self-efficacy, or the knowledge that you’ll reach your goal, no matter the endeavor,” Jewell says. “If you trust that you’ll be successful, you generally move toward the behaviors necessary to make it happen.”
Want to be more confident at work? Imagine you already are.
Use a little mental trickery to boost your confidence (and performance) in the office. How? Dedicate a few minutes each day to imagining being great at a task. By fantasizing about doing something well, your brain acts as though you actually have. Jewell explains that “the same neurons that process imagination overlap with neurons that process recalling things.” So by visualizing that we’ve done something successfully, it becomes easier and we feel more confident when we actually do it. Or, in other words, “Our brains say ‘I’ve done this before, I can do it again,’” explains Jewell, and we feel more relaxed in the moment.
Then, fake it till you make it.
"Pretending to act differently than you feel can actually change your emotion,” says Dr. Young, citing a Wake Forest University study that asked people to act like extroverts, finding that the more assertive and energetic the students feigned to be, the happier they felt. So, for example, if you dread brainstorming sessions at work, acting energetic in that setting can actually help you to enjoy it more and ultimately thrive.
Or, if you’re just hoping to be a more confident speaker, focus on your audience.
The best thing you can do when getting up to speak in front of a group is to think about the positive benefits you’ll bring to the audience with the information you are sharing. Claire Shipman, coauthor of The Confidence Code for Girls, suggests thinking about the speech through the lens of how it’s benefiting the cause, versus how it gets a point about yourself across.
Make affirmations part of your daily routine.
If you need a little extra help (and who doesn't?) try adding positive affirmations to your mirrors, on Post-It notes you'll find before you leave your house, or anywhere where you could use a burst of inspiration. If you're going through something tough like a major life change, or grieving a loved one or even a past relationship, saying these affirmations can be a healthy distraction that helps you ground yourself in a tough moment.
Try writing things like, "You are strong"; "You can handle anything"; or even "You have a smile that lights up the room." Before you leave the house each day, say these affirmations to yourself, and repeat them often if you feel like you're going through a tough moment.
Remember most people aren't thinking about you the way you're thinking about you.
This isn't meant to be taken in a bad way, but think about it: If you have a hard time getting dressed because you think everyone is going to be picking apart your outfit, remind yourself that others aren't thinking about you as much as you think they are. Wear what you like and what makes you feel good because chances are, whoever you are meeting for lunch is coming to you with their own list of stressors and anxieties playing out in their head, meaning, they're not thinking about yours.
But what if you make a mistake?
That’s a good thing. Shipman reminds us, “People really like authenticity.” So if, for example, you misspeak in a presentation or interview, it’s okay to say, “I’m a little nervous today,” and then go on to correct yourself. In fact, Shipman adds, “It establishes that you are confident enough to expose the fact that you’re feeling nervous or vulnerable, which, in a way, makes you seem über-confident.”
She also has a trick in case you lose your train of thought mid-presentation: “Take a moment to look down, pause, and take a breath. It’s a moment for you to collect yourself if you’re nervous, and it signals that you’re in control of the time and that you’re about to reveal something really important," she advises. Compared to filling the space with “um” or “you know,” this tactic has a much more powerful impact.
And, finally, allow yourself to, well, not feel confident.
Give yourself permission to ask questions and make mistakes, free of judgment. “What if you knew you had the right to have an off-day, to be in the midst of a learning curve, to say ‘I don’t understand,’” muses Dr. Young. “If you did, I guarantee you’d feel a lot more confident.” Essentially, to be more confident, start by cutting yourself some slack.
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