64 Coffee Sayings That Caffeine Enthusiasts Will Totally Get
We love coffee. And not just in the, “oh sure, I’ll have a cup” kind of way. For us coffee aficionados, a steaming cup of Joe is what gets us up in the morning. In fact, we love the stuff so much that we have a coffee subscription delivered to our door every month and even request coffee gifts for holidays and birthdays. Heck, we’ve even found ways to cook with coffee. And guess what? We’re not alone. This magical elixir has been putting pep in the step of just about everybody for centuries. If you can relate and are curious to know just how much love your own morning (and maybe afternoon) ritual receives among not-so-common folk, check out our collection of coffee sayings—these odes from political figures, artists, and modern day celebs really hit the nail on the head. The philosophy and wit that follows is sure to perk you right up...but if that doesn’t work, your percolator probably will.
RELATED: THE BEST GROCERY STORE COFFEE—RANKED
1. “Without my morning coffee, I’m just like a dried-up piece of goat.” — Johann Sebastian Bach
2. “Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.” — Alphonse Allais
3. “The fact is, I don’t know where my ideas come from, nor does any writer. The only real answer is to drink way too much coffee and buy yourself a desk that doesn’t collapse when you beat your head against it.” — Douglas Adams
4. “I love coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” — Lewis Black
5. “Coffee is a language in itself.” — Jackie Chan
6. “Decaf coffee only works if you throw it at people.” — Anonymous
7. “Coffee first. Schemes Later.” — Leanna Renee Hieber
8. “I can’t stop drinking the coffee, I stop drinking coffee, I stop doing the standing, and the walking, and the words-putting-into-sentences doing.” — Lorelai Gilmore, The Gilmore Girls
9. “I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” — T.S. Eliot
10. “The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.” —Anonymous
11. “Caffeine and sugar, the two basic food groups.” — Laurell K. Hamilton
12. “Why, yes, I could start my day without coffee. But I like being able to remember things like how to say words and put on pants.” — Nanea Hoffman
13. “As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?” — Cassandra Clare
14. “A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.” — Paul Erdős
15. “This is not an herbal tea morning. This is a coffee morning.” — Lorelai Gilmore, The Gilmore Girls
16. “Coffee is a lot more than just a drink; it’s something happening. Not as in hip, but like an event, a place to be, but not like a location, but like somewhere within yourself. It gives you time, but not actual hours or minutes, but a chance to be, like be yourself, and have a second cup.” — Gertrude Stein
17. “A yawn is a silent scream for coffee.” — Anonymous
18. “What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup.” — Henry Rollins
19. “I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.” — Louisa May Alcott
20. “Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hands and you start to sneeze?” — Jean Kerr
21. “Like most of the world’s population I’m into coffee, but in a properly big and important way. My perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee.” — Jimmy Carr
22. “Sometimes I go hours without drinking coffee...it’s called sleeping.” —Anonymous
23. “But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all.” — David Lynch
24. “I judge a restaurant by the bread and the coffee.” — Burt Lancaster
25. “May your coffee be strong, and your Mondays be short.” — Anonymous
26. “It doesn’t matter where you’re from or how you feel, there’s always peace in a strong cup of coffee.” — Gabriel Bá
27. “I don’t know what I’d do without coffee—I’m guessing maybe 25 to life.” — Anonymous
28. “Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.” — Earl Wilson
29. “I like my coffee like I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you.” — Jac Vanek
30. “Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.” — Stephanie Piro
31. “To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions.” — Hugh Jackman
32. “I will start working when my coffee does.” — Anonymous
33. “Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.” — Terry Pratchett, Thud!
34. “Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like a hairless cat—it exists, but that doesn’t make it right.” — Anonymous
35. “The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportioned to the quantity of coffee he drinks.” — Sir James Mackintosh
36. “To do good work one must eat well, be well housed, have one’s fling from time to time, smoke one’s pipe, and drink one’s coffee in peace.” — Vincent Van Gogh
37. “If it wasn’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.” — David Letterman
38. “We want a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.” —Jerry Seinfeld
39. “I’m not one of those people who wakes up and thinks, ‘Bring on the day!’ I have to have about 7 pints of coffee before I’m even remotely awake.” – Stacy London
40. “It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.” — Dave Barry
41. “Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep.” — Fran Drescher
42. “One bag of coffee per cup of water, right?” — Christopher, The Gilmore Girls
43. “I force people to have a cup of coffee with me, just because I don’t trust a relationship to be maintained without any other senses besides a computer or cellphone screen.” — John Cusack
44. “I gave up coffee. It’s almost worse than giving up a lover.” — Sandra Bullock
45. “When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee.” — Helen Hayes
46. “Sometimes I sound like gravel, and sometimes I sound like coffee and cream.” — Nina Simone
47. “When life gives you lemons, trade them for coffee.” — Anonymous
48. “My birthstone is a coffee bean.” — Anonymous
49. “You can’t have a decent food culture without a decent coffee culture: the two things grow up together.” — Adam Gopnik
50. “May your coffee kick in before reality does.” — Anonymous
54. “Everyone should believe in something. I believe I will have another coffee.” — Anonymous
57. “That’s something that annoys the hell out of me—I mean if somebody says the coffee’s all ready and it isn’t.” — J.D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye
52. “I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.” — Steven Wright
56. “I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless.” — Napoleon Bonaparte
55. “You should know that, before 10 a.m., no matter what the question is, my answer is always coffee.” — Anonymous
53. “Without coffee, nothing gets written. Period.” — Nancy Kress
59. “Adventure in life is good. Consistency in coffee is even better.” — Justina Headley
61. “I had some dreams; they were clouds in my coffee.” — Carly Simon
58. “Drink coffee. Do stupid things even faster with more energy.” — Anonymous
60. “Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.” —Edward Abbey
63. “Everything in my life has something to do with coffee. I believe in a former life, I was coffee?” — Lorelai Gilmore, The Gilmore Girls
62. “I could serve coffee using my rear as a ledge.” — Jennifer Lopez
