102 Questions to Ask Your Partner, Even if You Think You Already Know Everything About Them
Whether you’re in the talking stage or you’ve been married forever, it’s so important to ask your partner questions. And not just, “So, how was your day?” (although that, too, is important) but real, introspective questions about their likes, dislikes, hopes for the future, anxieties, and more. Yep, even if you already think you know everything about them, from their favorite type of milk to their nighttime routine to the name of their childhood BFF, people change over time. If you’ve been together forever, chances are your partner isn’t the exact same person you fell in love with—that’s why relationship questions are so crucial.
“I know a lot of couples think that the biggest issue to look out for is conflict and whether or not they fight,” says marriage and family therapist Katie Miles, LMFT. “But really, curiosity and showing interest in your partner is more potent for a long-lasting and happy relationship than something like the absence of conflict, because that type of communication is the foundation for actually liking each other and having a friendship.”
Some of these questions are the same fun, light-hearted ones you’d ask a new friend or a first date, but obvi, your relationship with your partner is much deeper so you’ll also find some that might strike a more emotional chord. You can ask these on date nights, once a year on your anniversary, or you can set aside some time for a relationship check-in, be it biweekly or monthly—whatever works for you and your schedules. The idea, though, is to make time to really get to know every version of each other as you spend your lives together.
With all that in mind, here are 102 questions to ask your partner at any and every stage in your relationship, from the honeymoon phase to your literal honeymoon.
Questions to Ask When You’re Dating
There’s a lot of ground to cover when you’re dating or talking to someone new, and we’re not just talking about the info you can easily glean from someone’s Hinge profile. These questions can help you get to know a new potential partner (or a fun fling, TBH) super well.
What’s your favorite part of the day and why?
What do you prioritize the most outside of work?
What’s your relationship like with your family?
When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?
How did you decide to do what you wanted to do for a living?
Do you see yourself on this path forever or would you ever want to do anything else?
What are some of your dreams?
Romantically speaking, what’s drawn you to people in the past?
How do you handle it when relationships don’t work out?
What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on, and why?
In your opinion, what makes a date really good?
What’s something you’ve learned from a rough breakup?
Who was your first real crush?
What’s your definition of a good relationship?
Who’s your oldest friend, and what do you love about them?
What’s a skill you wish you had?
What do you love the most about the way your life is right now?
Is there anything about your life that you’re hoping to change in the next few months, or years?
Questions to Ask When You're ~Official~
Going official can mean many things: deciding on a label, becoming exclusive, or just deleting your dating apps. In any case, your relationship’s probably heading in a deeper direction, and now that you have a bit more security in your connection, you might feel like you have the opportunity to ask deeper questions and learn even more about your person.
What does your dream vacation look like?
Do you think we have the same shared vision for the future?
What’s your favorite date we’ve ever been on together?
What’s your favorite thing that we do together on the reg?
Is there anything you’ve always wanted to try in the bedroom but haven’t?
Have you learned anything new about yourself since we started dating?
What was your first impression of me, and what do you think about me now?
In what ways do you think we’re most compatible?
Was there anything that surprised you about me as we started getting more serious?
What’s something I do that always turns you on?
Are there any patterns that have popped up in your past relationships, and do you see that happening with us?
What’s something you’re really proud of?
If you didn’t have to worry about work and finances, how would you spend your time?
What was the toughest decision you’ve had to make the past few years?
What was your first heartbreak like?
What’s your love language—and are there any love languages that don’t matter to you at all?
What boundaries do you have with your family and friends?
Questions to Ask When You’re Moving In Together
Moving in together is a big step, and chances are, you know each other pretty well by now. But it’s important to keep that momentum going. “There’s a certain complacency that comes with being in a relationship long-term,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Beverley Andre, LMFT, who warns about becoming less “intentional” at putting effort into getting to know your S.O.
“You know a version of your partner from whatever timeframe, but if you hold onto that, it doesn’t give them space to grow, to learn, or at times regress,” she adds. Here are some questions that can help you stay up-to-date with your partner as you take things to the next level—and figure out how to decorate your new place.
Are there any boundaries we should set with each other when it comes to our space?
Would we ever want to co-parent a pet?
(If you have opposite schedules:) How should we plan to make sure we’re spending enough quality time together?
How do we want to split the cost of things like bills and groceries?
How often should we agree to clean and maintain our home?
Are there any new items we want to splurge on together, like a nice couch or new TV?
What are some things you really want to do together, both short and long-term?
Why are you excited to move in together?
Are there any tasks (for example, grocery shopping) that you think could be fun to do together?
What are some fears you have about taking this next step?
How often will you need time to yourself?
How strongly do you feel about purchasing or keeping decor, artwork, or pieces of furniture that you love?
How do you feel about hosting events, parties, or friends and family members as overnight guests?
Which of your friends and family members are close enough to us that they may come to our home on very short notice, or even announced?
Are we going to set aside regular time for date nights?
Are there any chores or tasks that you find calming—or that you dread?
How do you define “home”?
What can we do to make our new place feel like home for you?
How will we know that our relationship is working?
Questions to Ask When You’re Getting Married
Congratulations! At this point, you’re likely used to asking questions as they arise, and hopefully used to learning new things about your person. But because there’s always more to learn, here are a few ways to initiate thoughtful conversations about what your marriage might really look like, why you’re getting married, and how you’ll navigate difficult moments moving forward.
Before we met, what were your views on marriage?
What about our relationship made you want to change your views on marriage, if they’ve changed?
What’s one habit or routine we’ve established as a couple that you want to carry on into our marriage?
Is there anything about our life that you want to change when we’re married?
Do we see ourselves investing in a home or land at any point?
How old do you want to be when you retire?
How much involvement and input from our families will we feel comfortable bringing into our relationship?
How are we going to keep our relationship strong or fresh?
What are you most excited about when it comes to our future?
What are some of your favorite memories we’ve made?
When was the moment you knew we’d get married—or you knew that you wanted to get married?
How do you see kids fitting into our lives?
Is there anything you learned from your parents, older relatives, or other role models about family?
What do I do that makes you feel most safe and loved?
Are there any topics that you still feel nervous bringing up with me?
Is there a recurring fight we have that might continue to pop up throughout our marriage—and is there a way we can handle it better than we have in the past?
How will our sex life change once we’re married, and how will we communicate if one of us is unsatisfied?
How are we going to spend important holidays?
Questions to Ask When You’re Married
By the time you’ve tied the knot—or hit your first, second, or tenth anniversary—it can feel like you’ve already discussed absolutely everything. At least, you probably feel like you know how to discuss everything. But established relationships can bring on new conflicts. Maybe you’re ready to talk about having kids, or buying a house; maybe, you’re just going through some unprecedented relationship issues.
When it comes to addressing new, challenging subjects, Miles advises asking permission first. “If you’re coming up to your partner and they’re hangry or they had a really bad day and you just start diving into something, it’s probably not going to go well—and then, that creates this false narrative that no sensitive conversation will go well, and you see people avoiding it altogether,” she says. “And if they say that now is not a good time [to talk], you don’t just avoid the conversation altogether. You can ask, ‘Okay, when would be a good time?’”
But that’s not to say you only have to ask the hardest of hard questions. Here are a few topics to check in on as you navigate married life.
How has our relationship changed since we first met?
How do we think we’ve individually evolved as people since we first met?
What’s your favorite memory of our early dating days?
Are we still aligned in what we see as our vision for the future?
Are there any new passions or interests you want to explore in this stage of your life?
How have I changed since we first met?
What’s your favorite part about being married to each other?
How have your dreams changed since we first met?
Is there anything I did this week that pushed you away?
Is there anything I’ve done lately that’s made you feel loved?
Do I have any financial habits that bother you?
How do you see our relationship changing in the next five, 10, or even 20 years?
What do you think would be my strengths or weaknesses as a parent?
When it comes to parenting, how do you feel about discipline?
What are the most important values you want to instill in a child?
Is there anything that I can do to communicate better when we have a conflict?
What is the hardest thing we’ve gone through together?
How do you think our conflicts have strengthened our relationship?
When we go through difficult times as a couple, what feelings or memories remind you that we can get through them?
Questions to Ask on Every Anniversary
If you don't want to make regular relationship check-ins a part of your routine, consider committing to checking in with each other each year on your anniversary. You can go over the past year together, think about what worked, what you could've done better, and how you'll agree to improve in the year ahead. You can also make this fun! Plan your next trip, talk about ways to keep your sex life hot, and daydream about what you want your shared future to look like, so you can map out how to make it happen IRL.
What was your favorite thing we did together this year?
Are there any good habits you think we’ve incorporated into our routine?
Are there any bad habits you want us to move away from?
Do you think we accomplished the goals we set for ourselves this year?
What are some goals we should work toward for the next year?
Was there a fight or an argument we had that we learned something from?
Is there any tension that we’ve left unresolved, or anything you want to address that we haven’t?
How do you want to see our relationship evolve in the next year?
Do we still have the same vision for our future?
What’s one big, exciting thing we can budget for and plan to look forward to this year?
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