6 Tips for Making New 'Mom Friends'

Meeting new people and finding friends can be hard for people with kids, but it doesn't have to be. Follow these easy tips for making new friends in a similar life stage.

We've all heard the jokes about how tough it can be making "mom friends," but it isn't just moms who feel this social challenge—all types of parents and caregivers experience feelings of loneliness. Let's face it: Raising a family is hard work, and we could all use the support that comes with friendship among folks who are busy with little ones. After all, sometimes the best parenting advice comes from people who are also going through it with you.

Making new friends that you click with, laugh with, and share your deepest fears with isn't an easy feat as a parent, but it's an important one. "The whole process of making new friends can feel a bit like you're an adolescent in high school," says Los Angeles-based child psychologist Joanna Jacobs, a mother of two. "But no matter how awkward you feel, just remember every new mom is in the same situation, and all moms, no matter what stage of motherhood they are in, crave friendship."

If you find yourself wishing you had more parent friends but you feel trapped under the weight of a busy schedule and limited energy (because let's be real, we're all tired!), then look no further than these easy tips to help you get out there and make some new "mom friends."

Here are six tips to help you break the ice, make the first playdate, and survive the initial awkward moments of making new friends as a parent.

Put Yourself Out There

As a parent, half the battle is often just getting out the door. Yes, your baby sleeps—a lot—but that doesn't mean you need to be home all the time. Put the little one in the stroller and walk around to explore the neighborhood.

"A baby in a stroller is the perfect conversation starter," says Lyss Stern, mom and founder of Divalysscious Moms, a networking event company for New York City moms. "You'll be amazed at how many people will stop to look at and comment on your adorable little baby—and though it might seem annoying at first, don't be afraid to use it to your advantage. People love to connect people. You never know who will have a daughter or a friend with a baby the same age."

Find your local playground (some are tailored to infants and toddlers), sign up for a music class, attend story time a your local library, look online for local parent groups, or simply plant yourself at a coffee shop.

Related: Top 5 Parent Friend Problems—And How to Fix Them

Make the First Move

"Don't wait around for some amazing mom to come up to you," says Samantha Ettus, entrepreneur, author, speaker, and mother of three. "If you see someone you could connect with, go up to her. Remember that we're all in the same parenting boat and that other moms, no matter how together they may appear to be, are just as desirous of mom friendship as you are."

So, how do you break the ice? Compliment them! Find something you like about them or their kid and tell them. "Just make sure the compliment is sincere, or it will come across as a vapid pick-up line," suggests Tara Mandy, founder of a network of parenting sites and mom of two.

Or find ways to engage the children first. "Bring extra toys to the park. Kids gravitate toward balls, bubbles, and push toys. The more you have, the more kids (and moms) you attract. Get your kids to play together first and you will have broken the ice without even trying," she explains.

Once the kids are playing, you can "play," too. Start with small talk—ask the parent their child's name and age and what neighborhood they live in. Commonalities help build a potential relationship. If your kids are playing well together, mention that you'd like to get them together again. Don't let the moment pass without mentioning a playdate.

Get Contact Information

Once you've broken the ice and shared a few laughs, be sure to end any impromptu playground or supermarket meet by exchanging contact information with your potential friend.

In the beginning, keep things simple. Find out how your new friend likes to be reached—phone calls, texts, emails—and stick to that.

"Exchanging contact information is a must," Stern says. "Otherwise you end up stuck in this limbo of 'let's do this again sometime,' even though it may be months before you run into each other."

If they tell you to find them on Facebook, be sure to get their last name. Or offer your information first and give them the option of reaching out to you. Just don't feel disappointed if they don't reciprocate or follow up. You can focus on connecting with other parents. No matter how clumsy and awkward it may be, find a concrete way to stay connected.

Plan the First Playdate

Even if you hit it off with a new parent friend, a first playdate can still be anxiety-provoking. The two of you are still searching for common ground while trying to keep an eye on the kids.

In the best-case scenario, the kids will play well on their own, and you'll have enough time to get to know one another. The worst-case scenario: Your kids demand too much attention, and there is pulling, pushing, and wailing that disrupt your ability to interact with one another.

To set yourself up for success, try to pick a time and place that works best for you and your child. If your little one is happiest and most energetic in the morning, suggest meeting then. If they're typically overstimulated in new environments, consider hosting the playdate at your home or a familiar park.

Plan ahead of time and be strategic. Keep in mind that it's not just about how your child feels but how you feel as well. If something doesn't work for you, it's fine to say so, but always offer alternative suggestions so the other person sees you're committed to forming a friendship.

Consider setting a time limit for the first meet-up. Having an agreed-upon end time can help take the pressure off. It gives everyone an easy out if things never quite get out of the awkward stage, ensures no one overstays their welcome or feels trapped, and may help minimize meltdowns.

Related: Playdate Games and Activities for Kids

Utilize Naptime as a Playdate

You don't always have to wash the bottles or clean up the house while your kids are sleeping. Instead, put them in a stroller for a walk with your new friend, grab a coffee together, or meet at a park bench.

There's nothing wrong with meeting another parent for a quieter, follow-up playdate while your kids snooze. You can really focus on one another and determine if there is a true connection. "I was all over the place, and being able to meet moms for stroller walks while the kids were sleeping was always a nice and less chaotic way to connect," says Soleil Moon Frye, author of Happy Chaos.

Whatever the situation may be, a naptime "playdate" gives parents a chance to relax without feeling like their attention is occupied elsewhere or feeling like they're neglecting the kids.

Confirm the Connection

Just because you have some things in common, like kids of the same age or a house on the same street, doesn't mean you'll like each other's company. Making new friends is all about trial and error, but if you don't try, you won't get anywhere.

"It's important to go into a playdate with a positive attitude," says Robyn Brecker, mom, former media executive, and co-founder of Seeking Center. "But also to be realistic. Not everyone has to be your new best friend, but hope that you can like and respect another mom enough to spend an hour or so a week with her—especially if your child gets along well with her child. Plus, you never know who you'll meet through a new friendship."

If this one doesn't work out, there are other parents out there—and you've gotten some practice putting yourself out there.

Things to Keep in Mind

Finding parents with kids around the same age as yours and making a new "mom friend" is rarely easy, no matter what stage of parenthood you're in. Still, finding true friends after you've entered parenthood comes with unique challenges with new huge demands on your time and energy.

Remember to be patient, be kind to yourself when things don't work out, and be optimistic that the friendship you're looking for is right around the corner.

Wendy Straker Hauser is a professional speaker, former writer and editor for The New York Post, and TV producer and showrunner. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and her son Zachary.

Related: How Families Are Forming Between Friends

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