75 Hilarious Mother’s Day Quotes to Brighten Any Mama’s Day
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Your mom has done a lot for you over the years. She taught you how to apply eyeliner, consoled you after those tough breakups and is always willing to whip up your favorite mac and cheese every time you ask. Needless to say, your mother absolutely deserves a day that’s all about her—replete with flower arrangements and a robust Mother's Day brunch. But don’t just stop there. We’re all about making unforgettable memories, so how about on this Mother’s Day, on top of the gifts of candy and jewelry she so rightfully deserves, give her the gift of laughter. Here are 75 Mother's Day quotes about mom and motherhood that are sure to resonate (including some real gems from Tina Fey and Serena Williams).
The 64 Best Mother's Day Gifts for Every Type of Mom
Short & Sweet Funny Mother's Day Quotes
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1. "Mom, I love you, even though I’ll never accept your friend request." — Anonymous
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2. "If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your mom told you to do it from the start." — Anonymous
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3. "Mom: I love you and your super long voicemails." — Anonymous
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4. "Mama does everything for the baby, who responds by saying, ‘Da-da’ first." — Mignon McLaughlin
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5. "The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink." — Anonymous
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6. "Every day I wake up and think: How on Earth did I become this much like my mother?" — Anonymous
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7. “If evolution really works, how come Mothers only have two hands?” — Milton Berle
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8. “Maybe it’s just a daughter’s job to piss off her mother.” — Chuck Palahniuk, Diary
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9. “Most mothers are instinctive philosophers.” — Harriet Beecher Stowe
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10. “My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.” — Mark Twain
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11. "Dear Mom, Thank you for keeping all the bad stuff I did from Dad." — Anonymous
12. "Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age." — William Feather
13. “Honey, I’m your mother. It’s my job to strong-arm people into seeing how amazing you are.” — Beverly Goldberg from The Goldbergs
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14. “My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” — Buddy Hackett
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15. “My mother told me a million times not to exaggerate.” — Anonymous
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16. “A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.” — Tenneva Jordan
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17. “God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers.” — Rudyard Kipling
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18. “Life doesn't come with a manual. It comes with a mother.” — Anonymous
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19. “Nothing is really lost until your mom can't find it.” — Anonymous
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20. "Thank you for not telling my sisters that I’m your favorite." — Anonymous
Funny Mother's Day Quotes About Motherhood
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21. "When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out." — Erma Bombeck
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22. "If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, 'keep away from children'.” — Susan Savannah
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23. “The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” – Lane Olinghouse
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24. “Over the years I have learned that motherhood is much like an austere religious order, the joining of which obligates one to relinquish all claims to personal possessions.” —Nancy Stahl
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25. "Motherhood. It takes patience, humor and a lot of wet towelettes." — Anonymous
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26. "Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious." — Anonymous
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27. "I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them." — Phyllis Diller
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28. “Becoming a mom to me means you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.” — Nia Vardalos
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29. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” — Erma Bombeck
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30. “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” — Nora Ephron
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31. “Why don't kids understand that their nap is not for them but for us?” — Alyson Hannigan
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32. "Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! (And while I have you, quick apologies for ages 13-21.)" — Anonymous
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33. "A mother is the person you can always call to see how long chicken lasts in the fridge." — Anonymous
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34. "The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." — Calvin Trillin
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35. "It’d be cool if my kids could make something I actually want. Like a bottle of wine out of macaroni." — Anonymous
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36. "Motherhood: Powered by love. Sustained by wine." — Anonymous
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37. "Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out." — Anonymous
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38. "I’ve learned to use meditation and relaxation to handle stress. Just kidding, I’m on my third glass of wine." — Anonymous
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39. “I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can't find me until after high school.” — Anonymous
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40. “You know your life has changed when… going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation.” — Anonymous
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41. "Motherhood: Feeding them as a baby and then through most of their twenties." — Anonymous
Funny Mother's Day Quotes from Celebrity Moms
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42. "I always say if you aren't yelling at your kids, you're not spending enough time with them." – Reese Witherspoon
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43. "Ah, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts." – Tina Fey
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44. "I've conquered a lot of things ... blood clots in my lungs — twice ... knee and foot surgeries ... winning Grand Slams being down match point ... to name just a few, but I found out by far the hardest is figuring out a stroller!" —Serena Williams
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45. “I didn't fully wrap my head around the fact that there would be a person at the end of it. I read endlessly about pregnancy and what to eat and what not to eat. And then I sort of prepared not at all for the actual baby.” — Ellie Kemper
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46. “Being a mom has made me really tired and so happy.” — Tina Fey
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47. "No one told me I would be coming home in diapers, too." — Chrissy Teigen
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48. "Once you're a mom, you're always a mom. It's like riding a bike, you never forget." — Taraji P. Henson
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49. “The majority of my diet is made up of foods that my kids didn't finish." — Carrie Underwood
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50. “All those clichés, those things you hear about having a baby and motherhood—all of them are true. And all of them are the most beautiful things you will ever experience." — Penelope Cruz
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51. “You know how once you have kids you never ever pee by yourself again? At least one of them is always in there with you at all times.” — Jennifer Garner
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52. “There’s something really empowering about going, ‘Hell, I can do this! I can do this all!’ That’s the wonderful thing about mothers, you can because you must, and you just do.” — Kate Winslet
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53. “Parenting is f**king hard.” — Adele
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54. “My favorite part about being a mom, I mean it’s so corny, but no matter how tired you are, it’s complete bliss. No matter what.” — Khloé Kardashian
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55. “If I wasn't at work, I just wanted to stay home and party with my little man—and by 'party' I mean, of course, endless rounds of 'Itsy Bitsy Spider.” — Olivia Wilde
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56. “It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” —Betty White
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57. "Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money to pay for our kids' therapy.” — Michelle Pfeiffer
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58. "‘I don't think so mommy!’ is what my child said after, ‘Can you please pick up the popcorn you threw all over?’" — Anna Faris
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59. “Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.” — Julia Roberts
60. “There are no rules in this house; I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a cool mom.” — Mrs. George from Mean Girls
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61. “She taught me that fear is not an option.” — Diane Von Furstenberg, on her mom
62. "I can be covered in spit-up on a conference call while I'm pumping and that's okay because this is my perfect. It may not be somebody else's, but this is mine." — Kerry Washington
63. “My mother used to say: The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.” — Rose Nylund from Golden Girls
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64. "Motherhood is basically finding activities for children in three-hour pockets of time for the rest of your life." — Mindy Kaling
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65. “Wine is necessary.” — Kelly Clarkson
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66. “Having a baby is just living in the constant unexpected, you never know when you're gonna get crapped on or when you're gonna get a big smile or when that smile immediately turns into hysterics.” — Blake Lively
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67. “Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn't sleep.” — Shonda Rhimes
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68. “Children are like crazy, drunken small people in your house.” — Julie Bowen
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69. “I used to give my friends who have kids advice all the time, and they would look at me like I had three heads. And then, when I had two, I literally apologized to all my friends.” — Jennifer Lopez
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70. “A toy Tamagotchi is more communicative than a human baby, OK? Because the toy will at least tell you when it poos.” — Ali Wong
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71. “I met my match. She is very demanding, like, I can’t believe I have a boss. When my baby wanna eat, she wanna eat. It’s not like, ‘Oh three minutes?’ No. Give me the milk now.” — Cardi B
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72. “It’s the best acting of my life right here, the well-rested woman. It’s my finest role.” — Kerry Washington
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73. “Every day when you're raising kids, you feel like you could cry or crack up and just scream ‘This is ridiculous!’ because there's so much nonsense, whether it's what they're saying to you or the fact that there's avocado or poop on every surface.” — Kristen Bell
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74. “Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I'm looking forward to investigating in the future.” — Amy Poehler
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