52 Genuinely Hysterical Tweets By Women That Proved Laughter Is The Best Medicine Because I've Never Felt Better

spring:depressed in a hopeful way summer:depressed in a manic wayfall:depressed in a nostalgic waywinter:depressed in a depressed way

— warm human (@w000rm) August 16, 2023

haven’t smoked weed in like 3 years and tonight I did and at first I was like oh why don’t I do this anymore it’s nice! and now i’m at the club manually breathing

— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) July 23, 2023

once I was on a fancy dinner date having a cocktail with a little leaf in it. my date & I liked the drinks so much we ordered more. we then watched the bartender walk out to the sidewalk & pull leaves out of a grass patch growing near the road. then she brought us the new drinks.

— audrey (@saint_audrey) June 23, 2023

My job is just… Meeting pic.twitter.com/j6V8UoPuHG

— Krystal Wu (@HelloKrystalWu) July 27, 2023

who’s my primary care doctor? that’s me & my 18 open browser tabs, babe

— chase (@_chase_____) June 29, 2023

idk how to describe it but when the vet gives the dog our last name for clarification, it’s too silly. Like yes, my dog’s last name is technically mine, but her last name should just be “the Dog”

— lea chin-sang (@bigfatmoosepssy) August 1, 2023

Not to sound like I voted for Reagan or something but just how many new smoke shops do we need really fhdjdjdjdjd

— Ashley Reese (@offbeatorbit) July 21, 2023

Husband and I were playing scrabble in a bar, upstate NY. Man looking over and starting conversation so we invite him to join. I played the word ‘MEAT’. He asks, “are bad words ok?”. We laugh, say yes. So he adds some letters to meat. Guys. I swear to god his word was ‘MEATCUNT’

— Honey (@benegotherit) July 26, 2023

New neighbor came over and introduced himself with a bottle of wine. I told him we’ll have to have a glass with my husband. He gone say “I thought that was your brother and y’all had a daycare”. pic.twitter.com/LiUeC90Sjq

— Princess (@themultiplemom) August 12, 2023

the feminine urge to say “that must be Nigel with the brie” every time the doorbell rings

— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) July 21, 2023

It Happened To Me: I DM'd a friend and asked why I haven't seen her online in a while and then I realized it's because I muted her.

— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) July 25, 2023

i said “girl dinner” while going down on my partner and she didn’t laugh should we call off the wedding

— rivkah reyes is on strike (@rivkahreyes) July 31, 2023

oppenheimer and barbie has nothing on little women and the rise of skywalker playing next to each other at the theaters in 2019. beth was dying at the beach and through the walls the imperial march theme was blasting 😭 at her funeral you could hear the lightsabers 😭

— lex (@gretagerwigflew) July 20, 2023

When I got back from my run today, there was a Who Framed Roger Rabbit VHS resting outside my apartment. This is a tactic used by human traffickers to mark their next victim. I was spared this time but I just want to let the girlies know. pic.twitter.com/YnxXj5g0Pa

— c a i t l i n (@hello__caitlin) June 29, 2023

i just stubbed my toe in a way that made me understand nihilism

— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) July 24, 2023

Have never identified more with anyone than I just did with the woman who walked into the grocery store in front of me, shook her head, said “I can’t be making these kinds of decisions today” and walked right back out

— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) August 31, 2023

sorry i ruined the vibe by bringing up logistics until the plan was fully formed and feasible

— thrillhouse (@nickykens) July 20, 2023

shout out to the women in the hot dog eating contest who ate 2 dogs in 5 minutes… no competitive streak no urgency just taking the stage for a light lunch

— glennis ❤️‍🔥 (@theglennisshow) July 4, 2023

my sister didn’t remember that i left this morning pic.twitter.com/Qoe8GDtRF6

— ann zhao says preorder dear wendy (@annzhao_) September 3, 2023

My mom teasingly asked me if someone I was hanging out with lately was my girlfriend and it just felt really validating because it was one of the first times you ever directly acknowledged my sexuality without judgement… and then I had to admit I had no game or girls

— Xiao (@velsmells) August 13, 2023

you could be fighting for your life and then have to talk to your roommate in the kitchen

— mc (@mcunanda) June 23, 2023

if a woman tells you you have “nice hands” she is doing everything in her power not to fuck you senseless please release her from her torment her friends are receiving the kinds of messages someone in prison would send

— Grace Jarvis (@gracejarvisohno) September 12, 2023

innovation is everywhere pic.twitter.com/bEawHaHp9g

— jamie loftus 🌭 (@jamieloftusHELP) July 27, 2023

I asked a question in a meeting and no one answered so I said “Bueller?” and my colleague said “there’s no one here by that name here”. Please send wine and a headhunter to my hole in the ground.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) August 3, 2023

david attenborough: this is a baby seal, he is starving to deathme: :(david: his mother has found foodme: :)david: there is a polar bear nearby who will eat the pupme: :(david: the pup makes a lucky escape me: :)david: the polar bear will now starve me: :(

— charly (@charlywhymn) July 6, 2023

yelling “sing, my angel of music” to the frog loudly croaking outside my window

— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) August 11, 2023

Casually said that I hope Beyoncé brings her tour back to Europe and my Mam instantly replied, "Amy, you're 31, you should be hoping interest rates come down" pic.twitter.com/i2aSQJfk5o

— ⭐ amy o'connor ⭐ (@amyohconnor) August 15, 2023

being carsick is so funny. you’ll be in prime physical health & then you’ll make the mistake of glancing at your phone in the backseat of an Uber going barely 25 mph

— chase (@_chase_____) June 25, 2023

RIP Jane Austen. You would have loved the ability to Zillow someone's house.

— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) August 15, 2023

me: i would like to reformat a footnotemicrosoft word: k*ll yourself

— kate wagner (castle era) (@mcmansionhell) August 22, 2023

wtf pic.twitter.com/eUw96Rw9vo

— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) July 27, 2023

one time i was talking to an italian (from italy) guy online and he kept saying i should visit and i was like, 'don't italians hate fat people?' and he was like, 'no, you would be exotic to our perverts'

— roxy demento (@falseroxy) July 6, 2023

it happened to me: i finally answered an email i had been putting off & the person responded right away & now i'm back to square one

— sarah rose etter (@sarahroseetter) August 14, 2023

Met some people who worked at an Escape Room and their most hated customer was a guy who would take all his dates there and pretend he was a genius

— Eade e/autism (@eade_bengard) August 21, 2023

your body 30 min after eating beans pic.twitter.com/wZJYObDRqd

— limp brittzkit (@Brittymigs) June 28, 2023

If people actually transitioned to gain an advantage in high school extracurriculars (rather than, you know, because it's what's in their hearts), we would see WAY more cutthroat theater girls becoming boys to get better roles.

— Patricia Wallinga (@pwallinga) June 25, 2023

I’m not gullible enough to be lured into a cult but I am nosy enough

— Sara K. Runnels (@omgskr) June 27, 2023

A lady in a mom group I’m in posted that she’s pregnant and wants to name her daughter Eieoie and the moms in the comments are ruthless and posting the lyrics to Old MacDonald Had a Farm 😭😭

— e 🕯✨ (@nienna121) August 6, 2023

The copywriter who writes Reformation's emails is so unhinged I never know what i'm going to get pic.twitter.com/tQaPPFzbDA

— Erika Lee ✍🏼 (@erikaleetv) July 5, 2023

"wow youre like, really into ani difranco" oh i guess people arent allowed to be bisexual anymore

— ashley ray (@theashleyray) August 27, 2023

having people in your life with real jobs is so humiliating. just called my brother and he immediately picked up like “hey is everything okay?” and I said “yeah I just wanted to chat :)” and he said “oh okay well. it’s the middle of the workday” my bad

— Gabrielle Drolet (@gabrielledrolet) July 6, 2023

the absolute terror of a random dude liking 17 of your Instagram posts in a row

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) June 22, 2023

I can’t explain why but this outfit is Melania Trump to me pic.twitter.com/kjKRAKldAg

— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) July 28, 2023

Americans: I use miles and poundsEuropeans: I use kilometres and kilogramsCanadians: [snorting a line of assorted measuring systems] I'm 5'3, I weigh 150lbs, horses weigh 1000kgs, my house is an hour away and I drive 80 km/h to get there, I need a cup of flour and 1L of milk

— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) June 29, 2023

the Victorians were so fucking funny like tuberculosis was RAGING it was killing all of them and they were like wait… what if we… made this the beauty standard…?

— empress sissi (@historicalfits) July 28, 2023

me trying to start a conversation with a stranger at a party https://t.co/oSdzvdli9q

— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) September 15, 2023

I told my husband “brb, I’m going to take some meat out,” and he said “when you come back, can you take my meat out, too.” Everyday, I’m fighting for my life. pic.twitter.com/KqTUoU7xHh

— ♡♥ Melanin Mami ♥♡ (@TLProdigy) July 23, 2023

i hate when energy drinks are marketed toward men. what could they possible need energy for? telling lies??

— meredith (@dietz_meredith) July 5, 2023

Congratulations on working 40 hours! You are now free to dissociate for 2 days

— 𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝗹𝘆𝗸𝗲 (@im_all_id) July 21, 2023

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to look at three or four screens at once

— sivi (@ali_sivi) August 25, 2023

thinking about the fact that Lady took a large americano and a donut straight to the dome every morning… girl must have been digging holes in the yard for an entire 9 hour shift after this pic.twitter.com/t47M0A4CpC

— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) August 12, 2023

i think one of the biggest problems plaguing joke literacy right now is that people would rather believe a woman is stupid than kidding

— Gabrielle Drolet (@gabrielledrolet) August 16, 2023

I hate to say it, but ever since Blake Shelton was named sexiest man alive things have been in shambles.

— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) August 27, 2023