Now That Abortion Isn't Legal Everywhere In The US, These 50 Things Have More Rights Than I Do

·6 min read

Now that I cannot legally get an abortion anywhere in the United States, my home county, let's take a look at what has more freedom throughout the country* than I do.

* Throughout the 50 states.


A McDonalds

There is a McDonald's in every state. My freedom of choice is not in every state, but you can get a Big Mac wherever you want.

Brandon Bell / Getty Images

2.Billy Bob Thornton

Billy Bob Thornton on a red carpet

Billy Bob is welcome to go to Oklahoma and do what he wants with his life and his body.

Mindy Small / FilmMagic

3.Stranger Things

A Stranger Things poster on a street

Yep! That's right. You can access Netflix in every US state. Stranger Things is more accessible than my freedom.

Nurphoto / NurPhoto via Getty Images


Some beets on a table

I have no doubt in my mind that you can buy a beet in all fifty states. Beets are more legal than my bodily autonomy.

Nadiasphoto / Getty Images/iStockphoto

5.Beats by Dre headphones

A pair of Beats by Dre headphones resting on a small pillar on a football field

No state has banned Beats by Dre at "time of conception," as if that's the thing to look out for.

Joe Sargent / Getty Images

6.Barack Obama

Barack Obama giving a speech

American law has agreed that Barack Obama can do what he wants with his life.

Ian Forsyth / Getty Images

7.TJ Maxx

A TJ Maxx

There is a TJ Maxx in every US state except Alaska. As of this very moment, I cannot get an abortion in ten US states.

Jetcityimage / Getty Images


A plane

Fun fact: every US state, even Florida, has an airport.

Alvarez / Getty Images

9.Angels & Demons by Dan Brown

Angels and Demons

Shockingly, it is legal to buy and read this book in every single state in the United States of America.

Pocket Books


image of a gun

Guns are legal to own in every US state. My right to my future is not, but guns are.

Dbenitostock / Getty Images

11.Pete Davidson

Pete Davidson making a peace sign a smiling at the camera

He can do whatever he wants. I can only watch on with admiration and confusion.

Dimitrios Kambouris / Getty Images for The Met Museum/Vogue


The Etsy logo on someones phone

You can order something off of Etsy, be it a jazzy sweater or a cute little coaster, and have it arrive on your doorstep in every single state in the United States of America! How fun! I cannot get an abortion in West Virginia.

Sopa Images / SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Images

13.The phrase "okey dokey artichokey"

A man giving a thumbs up

I can't get an abortion in South Dakota, but I can scream, "okey dokey artichokey" in the middle of Sioux Falls with zero consequences.

Peopleimages / Getty Images/iStockphoto

14.Olive Garden

An Olive Garden

There is an Olive Garden in every US state.

Brett_hondow / Getty Images

15.The Flight Attendant

16.The Big Bang Theory

17.Fax machines

A fax machine

Fax machines are still enough of a thing that you can get them in every state if you really want. Wish I could say the same for my right to choose!

Luoman / Getty Images/iStockphoto

18.Bill Cosby

photo of bill cosby

He's free. I could get arrested for getting an abortion in my country.

Douglas Elbinger / Getty Images


A Target store

There is a Target in every state. It's a great place to pick up supplies when you have to go into hiding.

Hapabapa / Getty Images


A pair of airpods

You cannot go to jail for getting airpods in Missouri.

Natalya Vilman / Getty Images/iStockphoto

21."Eenie Meenie" by Justin Bieber and Sean Kingston

22.Conan O'Brien

Conan OBrien smiling on the red carpet

Conan O'Brien needs a friend, and I need the law to think my body is mine.

Rich Fury / Getty Images


Someone using the HelloFresh app on their phone, near a wall with the HelloFresh logo on it

That's right! HelloFresh can "deliver everywhere in the mainland US." Can it deliver me the ability to legally decide the rest of my life?

Sopa Images / SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Images

24.Everybody Loves Raymond


A canoe by a lake

No one's gonna send you to jail for getting a canoe in Alabama. Have fun on the canoe! I am terrified of multiple states in my homeland.

P Weber / Getty Images/iStockphoto

26.Weird novelty candles

A candle

Who needs freedom of choice when you can slowly melt Jafar's face?

(Note: I couldn't find a good novelty candle image, so here's just a candle.)

Tim Young Photography / Getty Images

27.Tucker Carlson

Tucker Carlson speaking at an event

Clearly he can do what he wants without consequences.

Janos Kummer / Getty Images


An old timey picture of a doctor holding a cigarette and wearing a mask

The government has decided that cigarettes are chill — which I don't disagree with — but a healthy choice for my body is not.

Csa-printstock / Getty Images

29.Joe Gorga

Joe Gorga posing and smiling at an event for Watch What Happens Live

Joe Gorga from The Real Housewives of New Jersey has more rights than I do. What are we doing here? What is going on?

Bravo / NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images


A Starbucks on a town street

Every state has a Starbucks! Can I get a venti understanding of the female body and pregnancy for everybody in power, please?

Eleonore Sens / AFP via Getty Images


A river in a hilly area

Every state has a river! Still, can I get a venti understanding of the female body and pregnancy for everybody in power, please?

Lordhenrivoton / Getty Images


A Church of Scientology pillar and billboard in Los Angeles

Scientology can hang out all over the country! Love it.

Aaronp / GC Images

33.That song "Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri

34.Bowen Yang

Bowen Yang on the Emmys red carpet

Live from New York, it's the patriarchy trying to kill equality!

Rich Fury / Getty Images


The Instagram app on someones phone


Victollio / Getty Images


A Claires inside a mall

In wild news, there is a Claire's in every single US state.

Ucg / UCG/Universal Images Group via Getty Images

37.Bruno Mars

Bruno Mars performing on a stage

He can sing his heart out all over the country.

John Esparza / via Getty Images


People playing a game of American football

Who needs your future when we've got a tailgate to go to! (Did I use "tailgate" correctly in that sentence?)

Gorodenkoff / Getty Images/iStockphoto

39.Wiffle Ball

A wiffle ball in some grass

I'll make sure to keep playing wiffle ball as every right I am entitled to is stolen from me.

Ontherunphoto / Getty Images/iStockphoto

40.Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

41.Milo Ventimiglia

Milo Ventimiglia smiling while getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

I am Team Jess and Team Rory's right to choose.

Emma Mcintyre / Getty Images


A doctor with his hand over his head looking upset

That's what happened! The Supreme Court must have accidentally heard my "right to choose" as their "right to choose for me."

Zgel / Getty Images/iStockphoto


A wheel of cheese

You can get cheese in Louisiana. I can get forced into a life I do not want.

Milton Rodney Buzon / Getty Images/iStockphoto

44.Sensible shoes

A woman smiling and a work outfit with sneakers

This is good news because it means I can run from the government in my sneakers.

Morsa Images / Getty Images

45.Dylan Sprouse

Dylan Sprouse wearing a tux on the red carpet

This is not the sweet life.

Arturo Holmes / FilmMagic

46.Cole Sprouse

Cole Sprouse at the Met Gala

Cole, what is this vibe here?

Jamie Mccarthy / Getty Images

47.Denzel Washington

Denzel Washington smiling on the red carpet

The law, correctly, thinks he should be able to choose if and when he has children.

Jamie Mccarthy / Getty Images

48.Unwanted full-term pregnancies

After the Supreme Court's actions, some states essentially require them.

After the Supreme Court's actions, some states essentially require them.

Serrnovik / Getty Images/iStockphoto

49.Donald Trump

Donald Trump speaking at an event

He did it. He legally took my body from me and kept his. Congratulations.

Brandon Bell / Getty Images

50.Everybody else (people who can't get pregnant)

map of the united states

In many parts of my home country, I do not have the freedom to do what I want with the body I was born with. I can joke about it and shout out Pete Davidson and cheese, but it is heartbreaking. I will never get over it.

Shanina / Getty Images