50 Iconic “Schitt’s Creek” Quotes That Are Simply The Best
Well, bébés, it’s no secret that Schitt’s Creek is simply the best — each and every episode is a rare cocktail (maybe one made from Herb Ertlinger's fruit wine) of heartwarming storytelling, thoughtful character development, and, of course, genuinely funny jokes.
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On that last note, there’s no doubt that the series has some of the best punchy lines. The writing is top tier, and it’ll make you laugh, cry, and more often than not, both.
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To celebrate the wonders that is Schitt’s Creek’s beautiful writing, here are 50 of the best quotes from the show!
1.When Moira suggests that impulsion and melodrama aren't vices.
Moira makes for a wonderful moral compass, no?
Which episode it's in: Season 2, Episode 1
2.When David tries to comfort Ted about being burned in love.
Does this make Patrick his graham crackers and melted chocolate?
Which episode it's in: Season 4, Episode 12
3.When David shows that he's a marketing guru...Rose Apothecary isn't pretentious — it's timeless!
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Patrick may have given David that little dig, but we're so here for the sparks already forming between them, not going to lie!
Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 8
4.When David explains who he's into.
Wine as a metaphor for David's sexuality is actually freaking brilliant.
Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 10
5.The "fold in the cheese" debacle.
"David! What does burning smell like?"
Which episode it's in: Season 2, Episode 2
6.This wildly inappropriate and hilarious piece of advice Moira has for one of Jocelyn's students.
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It's solid life advice.
Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 3
7.Moira's super body-positive advice to Stevie after remembering her nudes.
*Opens camera app.*
Which episode it's in: Season 2, Episode 9
8.When Moira utters the most relatable words about terrible wine...
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A total mood, really.
Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 6
9.When Alexis tells David how she navigates life...
Jimmy Choos are probably easier to manage than a wobbly skateboard, David.
Which episode it's in: Season 2, Episode 4
10.When Patrick makes this astute point about David's obsession with Notting Hill.
OK, but Patrick is definitely the dreamy, down-to-earth Hugh Grant character.
Which episode it's in: Season 5, Episode 13
11.When David cushions an emotionally raw moment with this joke...
I mean...hard same?
Which episode it's in: Season 4, Episode 12
12.These rare sweet words Moira has for Stevie before the Cabaret show.
I would literally ascend to the heavens if Moira Rose told me that I was cool.
Which episode it's in: Season 5, Episode 14
13.When David throws this sharp comeback at Alexis.
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It's so mean, yet so good?
Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 6
14.Nature? Coachella? Basically the same thing.
We all have lies that we tell ourselves...or our motel receptionist turned BFF.
Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 7
15.When Alexis says that she misses being surrounded by loose acquaintances who think she's funny, smart, and charming!
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It's called self-awareness!
Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 5
16.David's solid advice about surviving New York City...
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Lena Dunham would like a WORD.
Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 13
17.Johnny's burn for David...which is probably what he feels from all of his sweaters...
David's sweaters are pretty much the show, but Johnny has a point.
Which episode it's in: Season 5, Episode 12
18.Moira's perfect RSVP response.
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Where's the Facebook invite option for that?
Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 6
19.When Johnny borrows clothes from Roland because he doesn't want to be taken advantage of...
Johnny usually wouldn't be caught dead without a business suit, but he's willing to bring it down a notch for a good deal.
Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 3
Here's Johnny's fit, as well as Moira's...
20.When Moira tells Twyla that gossip is the devil's telephone...after gossiping about Alexis.
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Side note: Moira looks like Amilyn Holdo with green hair?!
Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 3
21.No lies detected here.
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Yes.
Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 5
22.When Roland gives Johnny these wise words.
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Welcome to Schitt's Creek!
Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 1
23.Moira dispenses nuggets of wisdom all day, every day.
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Make a #MotivationMonday account devoted to just Moira-isms.
Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 5
24.When Patrick drops this romantic monologue.
I will die on the Patrick and David ship.
Which episode it's in: Season 4, Episode 7
25.Patrick has a way with words!
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Swoon.
Which episode it's in: Season 4, Episode 12
26.When Moira wants to spread the emotional cargo.
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Only Moira could express how annoyed she is with super-secret information about Roland's baby in this many words.
Which episode it's in: Season 4, Episode 6
27.When Moira makes an entrance.
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I will only be entering rooms this way from now on.
Which episode it's in: Season 6, Episode 12
28.When Johnny shows us that he's totally a social media maven.
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#RosebudMotel.
Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 8
29.Seriously, the raddest influencer we know.
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A digital marketing genius.
Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 8
30.When Moira gives the best line for when you want to pack things up...
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But really, what couldn't a nap solve? We're glad that the Rose family later gets their merry little Christmas anyway!
Which episode it's in: Season 4, Episode 13
31.When David says this with the greatest irony...
But the only people he really needs are Patrick and Stevie, right?!
Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 13
32.When David stresses the importance of alone time.
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He's recharging.
Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 2
33.When Alexis gives David legitimately excellent advice.
Alexis Rose, certified coolest therapist ever.
Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 4
34.When David laments over the complications of his throuple relationship.
~I'm with you.~
Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 2
35.When David has words for the amount of pizza Johnny got...
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Loosen the purse strings, Johnny.
Which episode it's in: Season 6, Episode 13
36.When Stevie teaches us how to navigate through life...
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It's a way of life.
Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 8
37.When Moira explains Politics 101.
Moira Rose: illustrious soap star and political mastermind. Stealing your own lawn signs might not be the most ethical course for running a campaign, but it'll cause a stir for sure.
Which episode it's in: Season 2, Episode 12
38.No truer words ever spoken.
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It's scary how evergreen this quote is, actually.
Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 4
39.When Moira expresses her love for Johnny.
Good to know that Johnny, with really bad heartburn, outranks her wig Caroline.
Which episode it's in: Season 5, Episode 13
40.When David divulges how he stays #flawless.
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He didn't choose this life — he just woke up like that.
Which episode it's in: Season 4, Episode 4
41.When Ted shares his philosophy on life.
Let's get some bunnies adopted with hot Ted.
Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 5
42.When David explains his birthday plans.
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Birthdays get rougher as you grow older.
Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 13
43.When Alexis yet again gives excellent life advice.
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And it's advice for her own mother, no less! Someone put this on an inspirational mug!
Which episode it's in: Season 6, Episode 10
44.When Moira says that there's a time and place for sentimentality...
...with mascara running down her cheeks at David's wedding.
Which episode it's in: Season 6, Episode 14
45.When regular idioms aren't good enough for Moira.
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Moira is a master of words.
Which episode it's in: Season 6, Episode 10
46.Here's another one.
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"Let's not count our chickens before they hatch" just doesn't cut it.
Which episode it's in: Season 6, Episode 12
47.When Twyla revisits her dad's advice to surprise Mutt...
Of course, we can't forget strange little Twyla-isms, either!
Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 11
48.When Moira knows when she needs a mental break.
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It's called personal boundaries!
Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 13
49.When David, hanging mid-air, delivers this When Harry Met Sally-esque monologue about how much he loves Patrick.
(They do flip the pages faster.)
Which episode it's in: Season 5, Episode 1
50.When David says his vows.
Nobody speak to me; I'm in a glass cage of emotions.
Which episode it's in: Season 6, Episode 14
What are your favorite Schitt’s Creek quotes of all time, bébés? Let us know below!
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