50 Iconic “Schitt’s Creek” Quotes That Are Simply The Best

·9 min read

Well, bébés, it’s no secret that Schitt’s Creek is simply the best — each and every episode is a rare cocktail (maybe one made from Herb Ertlinger's fruit wine) of heartwarming storytelling, thoughtful character development, and, of course, genuinely funny jokes.

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On that last note, there’s no doubt that the series has some of the best punchy lines. The writing is top tier, and it’ll make you laugh, cry, and more often than not, both.

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To celebrate the wonders that is Schitt’s Creek’s beautiful writing, here are 50 of the best quotes from the show!

1.When Moira suggests that impulsion and melodrama aren't vices.

Moira says that what David did was impulsive, capricious, and melodramatic, and also wrong

Moira makes for a wonderful moral compass, no?

Which episode it's in: Season 2, Episode 1

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2.When David tries to comfort Ted about being burned in love.

David tells Ted he's the equivalent of the inside of a roasted marshmallow

Does this make Patrick his graham crackers and melted chocolate?

Which episode it's in: Season 4, Episode 12

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3.When David shows that he's a marketing guru...Rose Apothecary isn't pretentious — it's timeless!

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Patrick may have given David that little dig, but we're so here for the sparks already forming between them, not going to lie!

Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 8

4.When David explains who he's into.

David says "I like the wine and not the label"

Wine as a metaphor for David's sexuality is actually freaking brilliant.

Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 10

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5.The "fold in the cheese" debacle.

Moira says "Fold in the cheese"

"David! What does burning smell like?"

Which episode it's in: Season 2, Episode 2

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6.This wildly inappropriate and hilarious piece of advice Moira has for one of Jocelyn's students.

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It's solid life advice.

Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 3

7.Moira's super body-positive advice to Stevie after remembering her nudes.

Moira advises Stevie to takes thousand naked pictures of herself now

*Opens camera app.*

Which episode it's in: Season 2, Episode 9

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8.When Moira utters the most relatable words about terrible wine...

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A total mood, really.

Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 6

9.When Alexis tells David how she navigates life...

Alexis says she doesn't skate through life but walks through it in really nice shoes

Jimmy Choos are probably easier to manage than a wobbly skateboard, David.

Which episode it's in: Season 2, Episode 4

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10.When Patrick makes this astute point about David's obsession with Notting Hill.

Patrick tells David to stop watching Notting Hill

OK, but Patrick is definitely the dreamy, down-to-earth Hugh Grant character.

Which episode it's in: Season 5, Episode 13

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11.When David cushions an emotionally raw moment with this joke...

David: "Okay, look, um, I would hardly call myself an expert on this subject, and by subject I mean genuine human emotion"

I mean...hard same?

Which episode it's in: Season 4, Episode 12

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12.These rare sweet words Moira has for Stevie before the Cabaret show.

Moira tells Stevie that she's very, very cool

I would literally ascend to the heavens if Moira Rose told me that I was cool.

Which episode it's in: Season 5, Episode 14

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13.When David throws this sharp comeback at Alexis.

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It's so mean, yet so good?

Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 6

14.Nature? Coachella? Basically the same thing.

David says that he's one with nature because he does Coachella every year

We all have lies that we tell ourselves...or our motel receptionist turned BFF.

Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 7

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15.When Alexis says that she misses being surrounded by loose acquaintances who think she's funny, smart, and charming!

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It's called self-awareness!

Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 5

16.David's solid advice about surviving New York City...

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Lena Dunham would like a WORD.

Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 13

17.Johnny's burn for David...which is probably what he feels from all of his sweaters...

Johnny says David is smart enough to get a joke, but not enough to stop wearing sweaters in summer

David's sweaters are pretty much the show, but Johnny has a point.

Which episode it's in: Season 5, Episode 12

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18.Moira's perfect RSVP response.

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Where's the Facebook invite option for that?

Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 6

19.When Johnny borrows clothes from Roland because he doesn't want to be taken advantage of...

Johnny explains to Roland that he doesn't want to be taken advantage of

Johnny usually wouldn't be caught dead without a business suit, but he's willing to bring it down a notch for a good deal.

Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 3

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Here's Johnny's fit, as well as Moira's...

Johnny and Moira
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20.When Moira tells Twyla that gossip is the devil's telephone...after gossiping about Alexis.

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Side note: Moira looks like Amilyn Holdo with green hair?!

Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 3

21.No lies detected here.

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Yes.

Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 5

22.When Roland gives Johnny these wise words.

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Welcome to Schitt's Creek!

Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 1

23.Moira dispenses nuggets of wisdom all day, every day.

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Make a #MotivationMonday account devoted to just Moira-isms.

Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 5

24.When Patrick drops this romantic monologue.

Patrick tells David that he makes him feel right

I will die on the Patrick and David ship.

Which episode it's in: Season 4, Episode 7

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25.Patrick has a way with words!

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Swoon.

Which episode it's in: Season 4, Episode 12

26.When Moira wants to spread the emotional cargo.

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Only Moira could express how annoyed she is with super-secret information about Roland's baby in this many words.

Which episode it's in: Season 4, Episode 6

27.When Moira makes an entrance.

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I will only be entering rooms this way from now on.

Which episode it's in: Season 6, Episode 12

28.When Johnny shows us that he's totally a social media maven.

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#RosebudMotel.

Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 8

29.Seriously, the raddest influencer we know.

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A digital marketing genius.

Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 8

30.When Moira gives the best line for when you want to pack things up...

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But really, what couldn't a nap solve? We're glad that the Rose family later gets their merry little Christmas anyway!

Which episode it's in: Season 4, Episode 13

31.When David says this with the greatest irony...

David says that he's wildly popular, some might even say beloved

But the only people he really needs are Patrick and Stevie, right?!

Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 13

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32.When David stresses the importance of alone time.

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He's recharging.

Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 2

33.When Alexis gives David legitimately excellent advice.

Alexis tells David that people aren't thinking about him the way that he's thinking about himself

Alexis Rose, certified coolest therapist ever.

Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 4

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34.When David laments over the complications of his throuple relationship.

David tells Stevie that he feels like he's in an Avril Lavigne lyric

~I'm with you.~

Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 2

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35.When David has words for the amount of pizza Johnny got...

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Loosen the purse strings, Johnny.

Which episode it's in: Season 6, Episode 13

36.When Stevie teaches us how to navigate through life...

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It's a way of life.

Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 8

37.When Moira explains Politics 101.

Moira says that when you have limited resources, your best course of action is to create a stir

Moira Rose: illustrious soap star and political mastermind. Stealing your own lawn signs might not be the most ethical course for running a campaign, but it'll cause a stir for sure.

Which episode it's in: Season 2, Episode 12

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38.No truer words ever spoken.

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It's scary how evergreen this quote is, actually.

Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 4

39.When Moira expresses her love for Johnny.

Moira says that Johnny is the most important thing in the world to her and she includes her wig Caroline in that

Good to know that Johnny, with really bad heartburn, outranks her wig Caroline.

Which episode it's in: Season 5, Episode 13

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40.When David divulges how he stays #flawless.

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He didn't choose this life — he just woke up like that.

Which episode it's in: Season 4, Episode 4

41.When Ted shares his philosophy on life.

Ted says that sometimes he likes to live dangerously, while respecting his personal boundaries

Let's get some bunnies adopted with hot Ted.

Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 5

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42.When David explains his birthday plans.

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Birthdays get rougher as you grow older.

Which episode it's in: Season 3, Episode 13

43.When Alexis yet again gives excellent life advice.

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And it's advice for her own mother, no less! Someone put this on an inspirational mug!

Which episode it's in: Season 6, Episode 10

44.When Moira says that there's a time and place for sentimentality...

Moira says someone has to hold it together and that there's a time and place for sentimentality

...with mascara running down her cheeks at David's wedding.

Which episode it's in: Season 6, Episode 14

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45.When regular idioms aren't good enough for Moira.

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Moira is a master of words.

Which episode it's in: Season 6, Episode 10

46.Here's another one.

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"Let's not count our chickens before they hatch" just doesn't cut it.

Which episode it's in: Season 6, Episode 12

47.When Twyla revisits her dad's advice to surprise Mutt...

Twyla says that her dad always said, "When in doubt say it with a song"

Of course, we can't forget strange little Twyla-isms, either!

Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 11

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48.When Moira knows when she needs a mental break.

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It's called personal boundaries!

Which episode it's in: Season 1, Episode 13

49.When David, hanging mid-air, delivers this When Harry Met Sally-esque monologue about how much he loves Patrick.

David expresses how much he loves Patrick

(They do flip the pages faster.)

Which episode it's in: Season 5, Episode 1

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50.When David says his vows.

David says his vows

Nobody speak to me; I'm in a glass cage of emotions.

Which episode it's in: Season 6, Episode 14

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What are your favorite Schitt’s Creek quotes of all time, bébés? Let us know below!

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