5 Ways to Politely Quit a Group Chat, According to Experts
Group texts are fun in theory—a way to keep in touch with family, friends and/or colleagues. It can feel like sitting around a table gabbing, just like you used to do in the cafeteria at school or during holiday gatherings, even if you're spread out all over the world. However, after a certain time, some people are left wondering how to politely leave a group chat.
Just like in the cafeteria and holiday dinners, group chats can get...awkward. Unlike those situations, there's no end to a group chat. They can go on in perpetuity, with every response pinging you on all of your synced devices at all hours (synching your SmartWatch, computer, tablet and phone seemed like a great idea once upon a time).
Bowing out is hard to do. Your friends will get a notification. You could mute notifications, but what if you really want out? Why is this so awkward?
"We often feel like we don't want to do or say anything that will make someone else feel bad or slighted, and...texting is such a big part of how we engage with others," explains Sherry Samuels, a certified life coach who works with clients on "compassionate communication."
But Samuels says knowing how to exit a group chat is an underrated skill.
"It can be helpful and meaningful to have an understanding, for yourself, of how to approach disengagement from chat groups," Samuels says.
What should you say? Should you just ghost everyone? Samuels and another communication expert have shared tips for exiting a group chat with class—plus, here's when they say you should suck it up and stay in it.
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Why Should You Learn How To Leave a Group Chat?
You likely haven't given just anyone your digits. People with your phone number who are engaging you in group chats are often some of your nearest and dearest. Cutting off a preferred form of communication can feel dicey, making it essential to know the best way to do it.
"Assuming you don’t want these people out of your life completely, it’s important to communicate your reason for exiting the group chat versus allowing others to make false assumptions," says life coach Anjel McLaughlin. "Exiting politely allows you to control the narrative and create healthy boundaries."
Since texting remains a common way to communicate, Samuels says it's likely you need this skill (and may have needed it yesterday).
Why Might Someone Want to Leave a Group Text?
Several reasons.
You may want to exit a group text because it has become too distracting," says McLaughlin, who noted that constant pinging could interrupt your work (or life) flow.
Samuels echoes that sentiment and mentions that you may have never wanted to be in the group chat in the first place.
"When we're added to a group text without first giving the OK to be invited into a conversation where you may or may not be familiar with all participants, the desire to engage isn't always there," Samuels explains.
Even if you enjoyed engaging for a time, the tone and subject matter can take a turn.
"As convenient as texting can be, one big challenge with this form of communication is that there's no real way to gauge tone," Samuels shares. "True context or feelings can be missed. When this happens, feelings can be hurt, leading someone to want to disengage from the communication group."
Samuels and McLaughlin say that some content can be triggering, such as people talking about motherhood while someone privately grieves a pregnancy loss.
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How to Politely Leave a Group Chat
If it's gossip
If you can't deal with the gossip about a current or former pal, McLaughlin suggests saying, "All: I have decided to remove myself from this thread as I have become uncomfortable with the gossip within the group."
This statement may seem direct—and it is, McLaughlin says. In fact, that's why she suggests it.
"It's always to your benefit to let people know what you are OK with and what you will not participate in," McLaughlin explains, noting that this message is best sent in group chats to friends and family. "Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for any healthy relationship. You may also be surprised at who follows your lead."
Samuels agrees that it's appropriate and even healthy to use full transparency. In this case, consider softening it if you want to continue to chat with some members on other topics (if it serves you).
"You can also note that you do look forward to staying connected in other ways depending on the audience," Samuels adds.
If it's gotten political or otherwise controversial
The world is a polarizing place, and that can seep into group chats to the detriment of your mental health.
"Controversial topics can be distracting for many reasons and may even evoke great emotion, but keeping it simple within the text is best," McLaughlin says.
Again, McLaughlin suggests being direct with something like, "I want to let everyone know I am removing myself from this group text as the recent discussions around controversial topics are simply too distracting."
This statement honors your valid feelings.
"This is powerful boundary setting," McLaughlin says. "Connecting through negativity is a drain, and declaring your own well-being more important is empowering."
If the distractions are too much (or you want an uncontroversial approach)
The pinging notification for every heart reaction can wear on a person. Yes, you can mute notifications, but you still may get tempted to scroll through the thread, reducing your productivity. If you're leaving for this reason (or looking for an easy out for other ones), McLaughlin suggests something like, "I want to let everyone know I will be removing myself from the group text. I’ve enjoyed the camaraderie but need to lessen the distractions as I focus on new projects.”
"This approach is quite simple with little room for dissent," McLaughlin says. "It also leaves an easy opening if you want to reach back out."
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If you want to be relatable
Politeness and directness can go hand in hand. But some people may not be comfortable being blunt.
McLaughlin suggests saying, "I want to let everyone know that I will be removing myself from the group text. As a family, we have agreed to lessen our phone time and have more in-person time. If anyone would like to get together, give me a call, and we can make plans.”
If you live alone, you can say you've decided to lessen phone time to be more present.
McLaughlin says people can generally relate to the desire for deeper connection and fewer screens. Plus, it leaves the door open for in-person fun. Samuels says this approach also works if you're leaving because the chat is too distracting.
"Simply note to the group that you are going to exit the group text because you have decided to reassess how much time you're spending on your phone each day and have decided, as a result, to take a break from the group," she says.
If you don't want to say anything
Then don't. Unlike an airport, Samuels says you are not required to announce every departure.
"As much as we may think it's necessary to announce a departure, oftentimes, the best way to leave a conversation is to exit quietly," she says. "Making a big announcement can bring unwanted attention to you or distract from the true meaning of the group."
Samuels suggests contacting the person who started the chat directly if it feels too abrupt.
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When Shouldn't You Leave a Group Text?
Sometimes, it's best to stay in texts.
"If you are involved on a work project and the group text is a form of communication for everyone," McLaughlin says.
Though it *should* go without saying that if people are making lewd or offensive remarks, you should feel comfortable going to HR.
"Another example is a family situation that requires the cooperation and real-time sharing of information," McLaughlin says.
Otherwise, Samuels says you have permission to leave with your head clear and held high.
"As much as we may experience a bit of FOMO—on varied levels—in making that decision, at the end of the day, what matters is doing all that we can to protect our peace because that is when we are able to move forward in ways that allow us to reach our goals," Samuels says.
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