• Home
  • Mail
  • News
  • Finance
  • Sports
  • Entertainment
  • Search
  • Mobile
  • More
Yahoo
    • Skip to Navigation
    • Skip to Main Content
    • Skip to Related Content
    • Mail
    Lifestyle Home
    Follow Us
    • Style
    • Beauty
    • Wellness
    • Shopping
    • MAKERS
    • Holiday Guide for Guys
    • Pets
    • Video
    • Horoscopes
    • Pop Culture

    5 Sex Myths You Should Stop Believing

    Yahoo Health•April 21, 2015
    Reblog
    Share
    Tweet
    Share

    If sex were a board game, the how-to handbook would be some five billion pages long — with different rules dictated by and for each individual player, and a new set of rules each round. Good luck. 

    Despite the bevy of “do this, not that” sex-advice pieces out there, it’s safe to say that some things society has taught us are just plain wrong. Below, Emily Nagoski, author of the book Come As You Are, squashes some age-old myths about getting it on.

    Related: The Wild, Kind Of Crazy History Of Boob Jobs

    View photos

    Yep, average penis size is still 5 inches. (Photos: Nicolas Bloise) 

    1. Is Choreplay Really A Thing?
    Sheryl Sandberg might quote a study that says couples who share chores have more sex, but then another study will show that when men do housework, they have less sex. What’s the deal?

    “The debate around chore play [a.k.a. being turned on by the sight of your partner doing housework] isn’t a scientific one; it’s a political and social one,” Nagoski says. “It’s basically about the difference between a transactional understanding of the relationship between householding and sex (‘I cleaned the kitchen, therefore I expect sex’) versus a relational understanding ('We’re a team, therefore I cleaned the kitchen. How are you? Wanna have some sex?)’”

    The former doesn’t necessarily work. “Vacuuming gives you no more of a right to sex than buying someone dinner, and I think we’re in a place, culturally, where we can agree that anyone who thinks they deserve sex just because they bought you dinner is a douchebag whom you definitely would not want to fuck,” Nagoski says. “Beyond the political argument…there are few things less sexy than someone saying, 'Honey, see what I did for you? I wiped down the counters,’ and then waggling their eyebrows at you…erotically.”

    Related: 25 Real Photos Of Women’s Breasts (NSFW)

    So, short answer: No. Sex is not a cookie, and a partner is not a pet (“Unless, ya know, that’s the dynamic you’ve agreed to in your relationship,” Nagoski says.) But, the relational approach to choreplay could — and does — work.  "Couples who have great, happy sex are couples who have great, happy relationships. They help each other out. They do stuff with each other; they do stuff for each other,“ Nagoski says, noting that extra stress could put a brake on desire. So, when somebody is respecting what his or her partner needs and supporting that? "That shit is sexy as hell,” Nagoski concludes.

    2. How Often Should I Be Having Sex?
    As much as you want. “I know it’s almost impossible to read statistics about how often people have sex, on average, and not feel like that’s some kind of benchmark for how often we should be having sex, too,” Nagoski says. “But, think about it for a second. Are we really going to decide to have sex once a week, or once a month, or once a day, no matter what, because that’s how often people have sex on average?”

    Face it: Having a kid is going to dampen your game just a bit. Having the flu will, too. “Desire fluctuates with context,” Nagoski says. “You should have sex as often as works for your relationship and your life. Forget about other people’s sex lives — they have nothing to do with what feels satisfying to you.”

    Related: 30 Photos Of Unretouched Butts, In Case You Forgot What They Really Look Like

    View photos

    3. Is It Weird To Plan Sex?
    “God no,” Nagoski says. “People think that spontaneous sex is 'better’ than planned sex when they mistake 'wanting’ for 'liking.’”

    In fact, characterizing the act of wanting sex as a “sex drive” is completely wrong; sex is not like hunger, thirst, or sleep. People can live without sex. Wanting sex out of the blue, or “spontaneous desire,” is normal, but so is “responsive desire” — when you want sex in response to something (whether that something is kissing, foreplay, or just planning to have sex). According to Nagoski’s research, 55% of the population are more prone to “responsive desire” than spontaneous.

    “Having sex spontaneously because you really, really want it is very satisfying — the way getting the Snoopy sno-cone machine for your birthday is satisfying, when you wanted it for months and months,” Nagoski explains. “It’s fun, right, to get a thing you’ve been craving?”

    Related: 30 All-Natural Male Butts, In Case You Forgot What They Looked Like (NSFW)

    But, you can only want what you don’t have. “Do you set up play dates for your friends to come over so you can make sno-cones together?” Nagoski asks. “Or does [that machine] sit on the shelf, collecting dust, while you wait for the fortuitous moment when your friend drops by for a visit and you both happen to be in the mood for sno-cones?”

    So yes, spontaneous sex can be fun, but planning sexy times has payoffs, too. To extend the sno-cone metaphor: “There is something lovely and special about the first sno-cone you make with your brand-new Snoopy sno-cone machine,” Nagoski says. “But, there is something different, something exquisite and lovely, about the sno-cones you’re still making with your best friend, 20 years later — sno-cones that would never be made unless you planned a time to get together, around other obligations.”

    4. Is The G-Spot A Mystical, Made-Up Creation To Make Partners Try Harder?
    “It’s a thing, but people vary,” Nagoski says. “Some have one; some don’t. Some people enjoy the sensation; some don’t. And, everyone is normal. There’s no better or worse, no right or wrong. There’s just different ways of experiencing pleasure. Some people are more orgasmic from having their toes sucked than from having their G-spot stimulated. Some people only have orgasms from anal stimulation. People vary.”

    5. Big Feet, Big Hands…?
    “Alas, I have not found any empirical evidence one way or the other,” Nagoski says. But, for the record, the average penis is about five inches long.

    By Jessica Chou

    Read This Next: These Could Change Your Sex Life Forever

    Reblog
    Share
    Tweet
    Share

    What to Read Next

    • Walmart Canada pulls 'Let It Snow' Christmas sweater featuring a cocaine-using Santa

      Yahoo Lifestyle
    • Woman asked to leave American Airlines flight over ‘ironic’ T-shirt: ‘People usually laugh at it’

      In The Know
    • Mother passionately defends son who beat up bully: 'The school did nothing'

      In The Know
    • Michelle Obama weighs in on President Trump impeachment hearings: ‘It’s surreal’

      Yahoo Lifestyle
    • Bella Hadid Just Hit the Beach in a Seriously Revealing One-Piece Swimsuit

      Harper's Bazaar
    • Two Women Landed in the ER After Using a Vacuum to End Their Periods, According to a Nurse's Scary Viral Tweet

      Meredith Videos
    • Swe Zin Htet on being the first openly gay Miss Universe contestant: 'People in Myanmar are not accepting of this'

      Yahoo Lifestyle
    • Melania Trump Wears Candy Cane Stripes With Red Slouch Boots at Toys for Tots Event

      Footwear News
    • How birth control pills may be affecting women’s brains

      Yahoo Lifestyle
    • Sorry, But If You Notice Any Of These Signs, Your Partner Is Emotionally Cheating On You

      Women's Health
    • A Brewery Pulled Cans Of Its Holiday Beer After Someone Complained The Reindeer On It Were NSFW

      Delish
    • Um, An NFL Reporter Found Out Her Boyfriend Was Cheating Because Of His Fitbit

      Women's Health
    • Scorpion Stings Passenger on United Airlines Flight to Atlanta

      Travel+Leisure
    • I Tried the Hair Dye Claims That Claims to Dye Dark Hair Bright Purple in 15 Minutes

      Good Housekeeping
    • How I Responded When a Child Commented on My Body Size

      The Mighty
    • A Whisky Collector’s ‘Perfect’ Collection of Rare Bottles Is Heading to Auction

      Robb Report

    Trump impeachment: House Democrats to announce articles of impeachment Tuesday

    Jake: A partisan impeachment vote is exactly what the Framers feared. https://thehill.com/opinion/judiciary/468483-a-partisan-impeachment-vote-is-exactly-what-the-framers-feared

    Join the Conversation
    1 / 5

    1.3k

    • Cardi B Covers 'Vogue' with Her Daughter Kulture

      Fashionista
    • You Can Camp in It, Too! Tesla Just Unveiled a New Trailer and Outdoorsy Config for Its Cybertruck

      Robb Report
    • Ugh, so We're Going to Have to Wait a While for 'The Good Doctor' to Return

      Good Housekeeping
    • Catherine Zeta-Jones Posted an Emotional Tribute to Kirk Douglas on His 103 Birthday

      Country Living
    • 'Madam Secretary' Aired Its Final Episode and the Last Scene Shattered Fans

      Country Living
    • The Republicans’ Closing Defense of Donald Trump Ended with a Whimper

      GQ
    • 'Fuller House' Fans Are Losing Their Minds Over All the Easter Eggs in Season 5

      Good Housekeeping
    • Meghan Markle's Deal or No Deal Briefcase Is Going Up for Auction

      InStyle
    • Christmas Trees Cost as Much as $6,500 in New York City This Year

      House Beautiful
    • Katie Holmes Just Rewore a Pair of Comfortable White Sneakers With a $3,690 Coat

      InStyle
    • Jennifer Lopez Ripped Off Her Tuxedo on ‘SNL’ to Reveal Her Iconic Versace Dress

      PureWow
    • We Got to Peek Inside Giada De Laurentiis' LA Home & It Wasn't at All What We Expected

      SheKnows
    • This local hardware store’s $130 commercial is being dubbed ‘the best Christmas ad of the year'

      In The Know
    • 4 Women With Great Skin Share Their Clean Skin Care Routines

      Glamour
    • "Milky Nails" Are the Manicure Trend You're Going to See All Throughout 2020

      Allure
    • For the First Time, Miss America, Miss USA, Miss Teen USA, and Now Miss Universe Are All Black Women

      Glamour