42 "Stranger Things" Closed Captions From Season 4, Vol. 2 That Will Honestly Have You Squelching Wetly
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🚨 Warning: Spoilers ahead for Stranger Things Season 4, Volume 2! 🚨
Well, it's been a week since Stranger Things Season 4, Volume 2 dropped and it's still the only thing I've thought about.
If you're like me, you watch Stranger Things with the closed captions on. Captioning is incredibly important for accessibility — and well-detailed and descriptive captions, like the ones on Stranger Things go such a long way.
The person(s) doing the closed captions for Stranger Things deserves a raise. They're so descriptive that they're creepy. Which they should be!
But also, on a show like Stranger Things the descriptions end up being...a little bit grotesque and a lotta bit HILARIOUS.
watching stranger things 4 with captions means subjecting yourself to phrases like “tentacles undulating moistly” and “gate pulses wetly” and yes captions help my auditory processing but at what cost
The captions for Season 4, Vol. 2 absolutely did NOT disappoint. So please join me on a journey through some of the very finest work of those final two episodes:
1."Gate writhing wetly"
If you spend some time watching this show with the captions on, you will come to find that many things in Stranger Things are done...wetly.
2."Discomforting slithering"
It's true, I was discomforted.
3."Guttural gurgling"
Also known as what my dentist recommends I do with my mouthwash every day.
4."Menacing synth music playing"
I'm just going to tell you right now there is a LOT of synth music that plays during Stranger Things and the captions really identify how it's supposed to make us FEEL. You'll see...
5."Ominous music playing"
This is an evergreen Stranger Things mood.
6."Gate pulsates wetly"
Yummy.
7."Gate squelches"
YUM-MY!
8."Music pulses ominously"
NOT THE OMINOUS PULSING.
9."Sinister industrial synth music playing"
Not just sinister synth music, but this time it's industrial, babyyy.
10."Quirky synth music playing"
Just giving us a little break from the impending doom.
11."Quirky synth music fades"
BREAK OVER. There is a time and place for quirky synth music, and that place is absolutely NOT at Vecna's lair.
12."Eerie music swells"
This seems...not good...
13."Heart-felt chords play"
I just love love.
14."Intricate, macabre music playing"
Again, things are not going...well.
15."Anxious synth music playing"
Tag yourself as a synth music, I'm this one.
16."Swarm chittering"
Um....what the fuck.
17."Disconcertingly jaunty music continues"
MAXXXXXXXX.
18."Dramatic synth music playing"
Okay, sometimes I'm this synth music...
19."Hopeful synth music playing"
But I am very rarely THIS synth music these days...
20."Creatures slamming against walls loudly"
!!!!!!!
21."Tentacles undulating moistly"
No ❤️
22."Tentacle adheres wetly"
Absolutely the fuck not.
23."Tentacles slither wetly"
😬
24."Rhythmic thumping"
DJ Vecna in the houuuuuuuse.
25."Flesh tearing"
Delightful.
26."Low unnerving synth music playing"
Of all the synth musics, we don't want this one...
27."Eerie, distorted synth music"
OR THIS ONE.
28."Intense industrial synth music plays"
This one is kinda fun sometimes, though.
29."Eldritch thrumming"
Eldritch is a word of choice by the Stranger Things caption team, and I really wish I had this show when I was studying for the SATs. In case you were wondering, it just means "weird and sinister or ghostly."
30."Hand unfurling creakily"
Never seen "creakily" as an adverb, but there's a first time for everything!
31."Disturbing choral music playing"
Shit was NOT GOING WELL HERE.
32."Disembodied screaming"
Like...really, really spectacularly not well.
33."Wet squelching"
Honestly wouldn't be surprised if Wet Squelching was considered as a working title for this show.
34."Flesh squelches" "Roars"
This is what Katy Perry was singing about on "Roar."
35."Plaintive piano line playing"
It's fine! Everything is fine!
36."Flesh rending" "Anguished wail"
I'm sorry, I hate this one. But if I had to see it, so did you.
37."Airy whimpering"
Ah yes, this moment was light and airy.
38."Pained howling"
Take that, Vecna.
39."Demogorgon, Demodogs shrieking"
Finally, some good news.
40."Epic synth arrangement of "Running Up That Hill" playing"
No commentary necessary.
41."Vecna's flesh sizzling"
Hot.
42.And finally, "Nightmarish howl" (as Kate Bush continues to play in the background)
All of my own nightmarish howls will henceforth be set to Kate Bush tunes.
