There's so much to look forward to during the holiday season — baking Christmas cookies, sending out homemade Christmas cards, shopping for gifts for family and friends — that it seems almost too easy to get into the jolly spirit. But if you're finding yourself a little Grinch-like these days or know a few folks who could use some holiday cheer, pull out one of these cheeky puns and funny Christmas jokes to elicit an instant chuckle.
Appropriate enough to share with both kids and adults, share these punchy Christmas jokes in your holiday cards, at work, or while attending holiday parties. Maybe even include a daily Christmas joke in the kid's lunch boxes or have your trusty Elf on the Shelf "share" one every time it moves. With a list full of punny one-liners and classic knock-knock jokes that celebrate Santa Claus, Christmas trees, winter weather, presents and more, you and the family will be laughing so hard your stomachs hurt.
Punny Christmas Jokes
What did the wise men say after they offered up their gifts of gold and frankincense? Wait, there's myrrh.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claus-trophobia!
What do you call Santa when he stops moving? Santa Pause.
What do snowmen eat for dessert? Ice crispies.
How do you help someone who has lost their Christmas spirit? Nurse them back to elf.
What do you call an elf that runs away from Santa's workshop? A rebel without a Claus!
What do you call a reindeer ghost? Cari-boo!
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum? A meltdown.
Why are elves such great motivational speakers? They have plenty of elf-confidence.
Why do reindeer like Beyoncé so much? She sleighs.
What reindeer game do reindeer play at sleepovers? Truth or deer.
What did Santa say when he stepped into a big puddle? It must have reindeer.
What does Rudolph want for Christmas? A Pony sleigh station.
What is Santa's dog's name? Santa Paws!
Where do Santa's reindeer stop for coffee? Star-bucks!
What’s every elf’s favorite type of music? Wrap!
What’s the absolute best Christmas present? A broken drum — you can’t beat it!
What happens if you eat Christmas decorations? You get tinsel-it is.
What do Santa's elves learn in school? The elf-abet.
What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? Rude-olph.
What do grapes sing at Christmas? 'Tis the season to be jelly.
What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
What did the gingerbread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet!
What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Ice Crispies.
Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey—he’s always stuffed.
Santa Claus Jokes
What did the English teacher call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
Which of Santa’s friends is the most chill? Jack Frost.
How do elves respond when Santa takes attendance? “Present!”
What's red and white and falls down chimneys? Santa Klutz!
How can Santa deliver presents during a thunderstorm? His sleigh is flown by raindeer.
What's Santa Claus's favorite type of potato chip? Crisp Pringles!
What is Santa’s primary language? North Polish.
Why does Santa go down the chimney? Because it soots him!
What is Santa's favorite kind of candy? Jolly ranchers.
How do the elves clean Santa's sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer.
How do you know when Santa’s around? You can always sense his presents.
What was Santa's favorite subject in school? Chemis-tree!
Why does Santa always enter through the chimney? Because it soots him.
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house!
What do you call a broke Santa Claus? Saint-nickel-less.
What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”? Santa walking backward!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker.
Why did Santa Claus get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.
What’s Santa’s favorite fruit? (Sugar)plums.
Who’s Santa’s favorite singer? Elfish Presley.
Christmas Tree Jokes
Which former president planted the most Christmas trees? Wood-row Wilson
What do they sing to Christmas trees at their retirement parties? Fir he’s a jolly good fellow, fir he’s a jolly good fellow…
What’s as big as a Christmas tree but is lighter than a feather? Its shadow.
What did the Christmas tree do after its bank closed? It started his own branch.
How do Christmas trees get their email? They log-on.
Why did the Christmas tree go to the dentist? It needed a root canal!
What did Luke Skywalker say after he planted a Christmas tree farm? May the forest be with you!
How did the two rival Christmas trees get along? They signed a peace tree-ty!
How do Christmas trees get ready for a night out? They spruce up!
What was the Christmas tree’s favorite shape? A treeangle!
What is a Christmas tree's favorite candy? Orna-mints!
Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present's beneath them.
What do you call cutting down a Christmas tree? Christmas chopping!
Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? They have too many needles.
What happens if you eat Christmas decorations? You get tinsel-it is.
Who is a Christmas tree's favorite singer? Spruce Springsteen.
What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree? Nice gnawing you!
What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an iPad?A pineapple!
What did one Christmas tree say to another? Lighten up!
What month does a Christmas tree hate the most? Sep-timber!
Christmas Knock-Knock Jokes
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dewey. Dewey who? Dewey know how long it is until Santa gets here?
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Wayne. Wayne who? Wayne in a manger…
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Noah. Noah who? Noah good Christmas joke?
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Mary. Mary who? Mary Christmas!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Chris. Chris who? Christmas is here!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive Christmastime, don’t you?
Knock, knock Who’s there? Honda. Honda who? Honda first day of Christmas my true love sent to me…
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Dexter. Dexter who? Dexter halls with boughs of holly…
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Santa. Santa who? Santa Christmas card to you, did you get it?
Knock, knock! Who's there? Elf. Elf who? Elf me wrap this present for Santa!
Knock, knock! Who's there? Holly. Holly who? Holly-days are here again!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Interrupting Santa. Inter– Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Anna. Anna who? Anna partridge in a pear tree.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Avery. Avery who? Avery merry Christmas to you!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? Snow time to waste. It’s almost Christmas!
Knock, knock! Who's there? Coal. Coal who? Coal me if you hear Santa coming.
Knock, knock! Who's there? Donut. Donut who? Donut open til Christmas!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time for Christmas cookies!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Gladys. Gladys who? Gladys Christmas!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ho Ho. Ho Ho who? Your Santa impression needs a little work!
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