40 Hysterically Brutal Parents Who Pulled Absolutely No Punches On Twitter
Parenting has it's good days, it's challenging days, and its totally hysterical days.
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So it's a good thing we have the parents of Twitter to sum it up in all its hilarious glory:
1.
We're watching Shrek as a family and at the moment when Fiona turned from a woman into an ogre, my 2yo pointed to the TV and said "now she's a mom."
2.
The 30 mins before I start my kid’s bedtime routine are the longest 3 hours of my day
3.
My kid just tried to win an argument with "Because I said so" and I had to break it to him that only parents get to win by saying that.
4.
80% of parenting is trying not to laugh when you’re supposed to be mad
5.
It dawned on me today that when my son wants to talk about Pokémon, he doesn't *really* want to talk about Pokémon. What he wants is to share his excitement and knowledge. What he wants is to bond with his dad. What he wants is quality time together. Still, it's a hard no.
6.
My friend asked for suggestions for something short and dramatic to watch so I offered my 7yo daughter
7.
10 y/o daughter says she wants a job like mine someday because I’m “important but not that important” and my life story finally has a title.
8.
Me: would you like a treat from Starbucks?My boujee 5 year old: just get me my usual
9.
Me: What did you do all day?12-year-old: Built Lego sets. What did you do?Me: Worked.12: You're doing it wrong.
10.
My 4yo spilled some cereal and when I asked him to clean it up, he called the dog. There is nothing left for me to teach him.
11.
My car was making annoying squeaky noises, it stopped once I dropped off the kids
12.
It’s cute when I put everything back where it belongs, and my family thinks I rearranged the house.
13.
10 y/o daughter doing the dishes overheard muttering, “I can’t believe how many water glasses this family uses,” and let me tell you, validation is a sweet thing.
14.
Legend states that when you’re overwhelmed and on the verge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear to tell you that you cut their sandwich wrong
15.
My kids asked for cold pizza for breakfast, I didn’t realize they’d grow up this fast
16.
Why are they called butterflies if they aren't flies covered in butter?-My 6-year-old, starting off his summer vacation with the tough questions
17.
Starting my own series of unboxing videos, “Unlunchboxing”, where every day I will reveal my daughter’s untouched lunchbox and cry into it
18.
38 with no kids is younger than 26 with 3 kids
19.
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
20.
No one:Absolutely no one:5 in the middle of the grocery store: MY MOM IS 41!
21.
Ppl w babies: I don’t see why people stop traveling when they have kids! You can just strap the baby in and GO hiking! Grab a stroller, fly to Europe, it’s really all in your mindsetThose ppl a year later w a toddler: it only took us 23 mins to get down the stairs this morning
22.
I understand that parenting requires you to pick and choose your battles but my daughter just told me milk is spicy and I’m not sure I can let this one slide.
23.
Took my daughter and her best friend to dinner and a show with endless snacks and sodas but we didn’t get ice cream afterwards so naturally this night will forever be known as “that night you didn’t get us ice cream.”
24.
My last child is about to graduate high school, and I’m most excited about never receiving another school email ever again.
25.
My 5yo said he’s had enough of his twin sister and wants to sell her on eBay so I told him that’s not a nice thing to say then made him sign a legally binding contract giving me 50% of whatever he makes
26.
Life with kids, in one photo
27.
Me: Can you fold the laundry?12-year-old: I don't know how.Me: I can teach you.12: I don't want to learn.
28.
12: dad my friend wants to know if I can spend the ni-me: YES what time can I drop you off? Now? Is now good?
29.
5 told me they’d been learning about the queen’s jubilee at school so I asked what he knew about it and he said “the queen has been on the phone for 70 years and that’s probably the longest conversation ever in the world and that’s why we’re celebrating”
30.
7: [holding his head and sighing]me: having a rough day over there?7: yes there's so many idiots.he's a whole mood.
31.
My 6-year-old put a warm pancake on her face. I decided to try it, and it felt amazing. I get it now.
32.
The hardest part of parenting is finding your own special snacks that nobody else in the house likes.
33.
Dog’s private parts are pretty public, huh? -my 9 y/o staring at the dog’s butthole
34.
7: I have a headache. Not the kind when you aren’t allowed candy though.
35.
Some parents believe their kids will change the course of history. My 12 y/o daughter just told me she wants to set the world record for eating the most Smarties blindfolded with chopsticks.
36.
Forgot to wear a hazmat suit when cleaning out my son’s backpack this morning and now I need a tetanus shot
37.
One of my kids ate all of my Russell Stover sugar free chocolates. In about 30 minutes, one of my kids will learn an extremely valuable lesson.
38.
Cheese is better than humans. -5, dropping truth bombs
39.
Today I read a news article about a 13 year old who’s graduating college. I also had to pause while reading that article to yell at my teen to stop farting on his sisters pillows
40.
Me: Stop yelling at your sisters.10-year-old: You don't understand. They won't listen, no matter how many times I tell them something.Me: *looks directly at camera*
