30 Little Ways to Show Your Partner How Much You Appreciate Them
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You don't need fancy vacations or public declarations of adoration to make your bond rock solid. "It's not the big things that make a marriage great, but rather the random acts of kindness that follow the golden rule of relationships: Do unto your partner as your partner would like you to do," says John Van Epp, PhD, therapist, author of How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk, and founder and president of Love Thinks.
"Become a connoisseur of your partner. Learn what words, acts, expressions, gifts, and touches are the most meaningful and desired," recommends Van Epp. In other words, show your appreciation and love to your partner in the ways that mean the most to them. "When you get out of your world and into your partner's, then your little acts of kindness become momentous," says Van Epp, and help your partner feel known, valued, and loved. (Making someone else feel loved is a lot easier when you feel good about yourself. Prevention's Fit in 10: Slim and Strong for Life gives you effective 10-minute meals and workouts to make getting to your best, healthiest self doable. Try if for FREE today!)
We asked real couples about their little acts of love—read on for 22 small but oh-so-meaningful ways people show appreciation to their partners. Get ready to be touched—and inspired. (Take notes. Lots!)
You don’t need fancy vacations or public declarations of adoration to make your bond rock solid. “It’s not the big things that make a marriage great, but rather the random acts of kindness that follow the golden rule of relationships: Do unto your partner as your partner would like you to do,” says John Van Epp, PhD, therapist, author of How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk, and founder of Love Thinks.
“Become a connoisseur of your partner. Learn what words, acts, expressions, gifts, and touches are the most meaningful and desired,” recommends Van Epp. In other words, show your appreciation and love to your partner in the ways that mean the most to them. “When you get out of your world and into your partner’s, then your little acts of kindness become momentous,” says Van Epp, and help your partner feel known, valued, and loved. We asked real couples about their little acts of love—read on for 30 small but oh-so-meaningful ways people show appreciation to their partners. (Take notes!)
Send a special delivery
“Every month I send my girlfriend flowers or deliver them myself. I also handwrite love letters and mail them to her at work.” –Mona
Give and you shall receive
“Simultaneously rubbing each other’s feet is a small way my boyfriend and I show our appreciation for one another.” –Nancy (Nothing ruins a foot massage like odor; here are 15 ways to keep it at bay.)
Show that you're in this together
“One thing that has really changed our relationship and how much more I respect my husband was his decision to join me in the fertility crusade. He comes to acupuncture with me weekly and has flipped his eating habits and supplement taking upside down, and is now taking so much better care of himself. It made me feel appreciated and acknowledged in ways he’ll never know.” –Julie (Here are 13 things no one tells you about IVF.)
Leave a note
“My husband leaves me little love notes, sometimes in my suitcase when I go away or in my lunch bag. Now he adds the kids’ artwork, too. It’s the sweet little gestures that capture my heart and remind me how good I have it.” –Jenn
Share some wisdom
“There is a saying: Men have sight; women have insight. Listening to my wife’s insight guides me away from seeing the world as a defined black and white place.” –Howard
Do your part
"We both have household tasks we take care of—I do most of the cleaning and my husband does all the laundry—but what really bowls me over with gratitude is when he steps in when I'm too tired or overwhelmed." –Kayrene
Give a warm welcome
“My husband and I make it a point to drop whatever we’re doing when the other person walks through the door at the end of the day to greet them, give them a kiss, and hug and connect. Even if it’s just a moment before I turn back to doing the dishes or whatever, I’ve pushed pause to let him know he's my priority and I’m glad he’s home.” –Chelsea
Be social
“Whenever we’re apart, my boyfriend and I are constantly sending each other links to articles we know the other person will find interesting or cute Instagram posts we know will make the other person smile. It’s our little way of saying, ‘Hey, I’m thinking of you!’” –Heather
Pull off the ultimate pick-me-up
“My boyfriend travels more often than I do. When he flies home, I always park and meet him at the gate. It’s a small gesture, but in today’s day and age of convenience and fast pace, I like making sure he has a warm, loving welcome.” –Erin
Make his mornings
“I make sure the coffee maker is clean every night so he doesn’t have to do it super early in the morning when he wakes up.” –Jessica
Start the day off right
“I put her robe and slippers where she’ll be able to find them easily in the morning.” –Mike (Not a morning person? Get inspiration from the morning routines of 13 super-successful women.)
Bring her breakfast in bed
“My boyfriend is an amazing cook and he always takes the time to make me dinner after a long day at work. He’ll even bring me breakfast in bed on a lazy Sunday morning. It’s a small thing that truly makes me feel loved.” –Alisa
Shower him with love
“We like the water temperature in the shower at different levels. Sometimes I notice that after Erin showers she’ll turn the dial to the temperature setting that I like. I appreciate the thoughtfulness of it.” –Brendan
Pick out his favorites
“I’ll bring my husband a surprise pick me up—a new shirt, his favorite candy, just something small that reminds him that he’s always on my mind. I love seeing how happy it makes him.” –Dana
Plan a date night
“My husband plans date nights and surprises me. He organizes the sitter and picks a restaurant he knows I like. Surprising and planning is the best gift of all.” –Audra
Make her a playlist
“He makes me mixed CDs and brings me coffee in the mornings, and I plan really good vacations.” –Jennifer
Find the way to his heart
“I stock his supply of semi-healthy food he keeps at work—nuts, bars, savory snacks, and some sweets.” –Jessica
Have his back
“I know my husband loves back scratches, so I’ll give him those at least once a day. Nothing huge or long or formal, just a few minutes casually so he knows his needs are important to me.” –Chelsea
Bust a move
“I have no rhythm, so my boyfriend will dance with me and copy some of my moves so I don’t feel like a complete fool. He’ll twirl me around and smile and wink. It’s so sweet.” –Heather
Take away the stress
“My fiance lives 80 minutes away from me, and when he comes to spend the weekend, he’ll offer to drive us places, even though he’d been in the car for much of the day earlier, because he knows I get stressed out being the driver/navigator on unfamiliar highways or roads. Even though he’s tired, he doesn’t want me to worry about it.” –Christa
Say it with support
“My wife is always supportive and proud of me. When I started my business, it was going to be very hard on us financially and emotionally, but she always believed in me/us and supported me/us from day one—and she’s still doing it today. She keeps me motivated and always brings out the best in me.” –Keith
Cheers to alone time
“Cocktail hour! I open the wine; she makes my martini. Even when we are together all day, cocktail hour is special.” –Howard
Take her to lunch at Tiffany’s
“I love a good deli sandwich more than anything. So one day my husband gave me a brown bag and I thought it was a deli sandwich. I was knee-deep in cleaning out a closet at the time and I was so excited for the sandwich, but when I opened it up it was a blue bag from Tiffany’s with jewelry inside. That was 9 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday.” –Audra
Find a good trade off
“His absolute favorite thing in the world is when I rub or scratch his head while we’re watching TV, so I’ll do that whenever I can; he compromises by watching The Bachelor.” –Kayrene
Lend a helping hand
“When I’m getting ready to go some place, I always take longer than he does to get ready. Long hair is a chore. So while I’m getting ready, he’ll take my dog out or do the dishes to use that time to take something off my plate.” –Brielle
Wash and fold
“I’m not much for gifts, and my husband is always leaving me Post-It ‘love notes’ all over the house, but what really gets my heart racing is when he does the laundry—washed, dried, folded and put away. It’s like how when someone else makes you a sandwich and it just tastes better; well, when he does laundry, the smell, the folding, the feel, everything seems better.” –Kasey
Go the distance
“My boyfriend and I are long distance, but the one thing we do to ‘spend time together’ when we’re apart is to watch our favorite TV shows at the same time and then text our reactions to each other.” –Caroline
Show that you know her
“I came home to a bottle of my favorite kombucha and the soap I love. It wasn’t that it was extravagant or expensive, but it was so me.” –Paula
Just listen
“When I stress out, my fiance will rub my shoulders and just listen. Then he will tell me how much he appreciates me and encourages me with kind words. I feel most loved when he prays over me and the stressors in my life.” –Sam
Give a clean start
“I thought if I just didn’t clean the counter or left some dishes in the sink, my husband, who always gets up early, would take care of them. This went on for weeks, and nothing. Then one night I left him a sampling of craft beers with a note—‘Cheers to the love of my life.’ And guess what: When I woke up that morning the sink and counter was spotless. It felt like Christmas.” –Catie
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