27 Times Winston Bishop Made The Already Hysterical "New Girl" 1,000,000 Times Funnier

BuzzFeed
·3 min read

1.When we went through Prank Sinatra's CV.

Jess says, Every prank you do turns out either too big, flashback Nick says, Did you register me as a sex offender, Jess says, Or too small, flashback Schmidt's eating cereal and says, How'd this blueberry get in here, and Winston starts cackling
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

2.When Winston avoided studying for his police academy exam by making paper snowflakes.

Nick says, But he's using that to study for his police academy test and he is not to be disturbed, and we see Winston making a paper snowflake in his room, then we see that his room is covered in paper snowflakes and he says, not enough, not enough
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

3.When Nick told Jess what she needed to do to fit in with her boyfriend's extremely wealthy parents, and Winston came in hot with a great "fact."

Nick says, You better learn how to ride a polo horse, and Winston says, It's actually a polio horse, originally they were bred as helper horses for people with polio, but I don't think anything of what I just said was correct
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

4.When Winston said he was once turned on by gas mileage.

Coach says, You've never been turned on by gas mileage before, Winton says, Once, Schmidt asks, When was that, Winston says, It was a Thursday, that's all I remember, Schmidt asks, A Thursday, Winston says, Yeah, and Schmidt glares at him
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

5.When he said, "Whether or not Santa's real."

Winston says, Whether or not Santa's real, it's nice to have something to believe in, Jess asks, Did you say whether or not Santa's real, Nick says, Santa's not real, and Winston says, Shut up, stupid, you're a dummy, and Winston stutters a bunch
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

6.When he saw a beautiful woman.

Coach says, Just say something to her, Nick says, Yeah, just say something to her, and Winston says, Shawty, what that thang do, Coach says, No, and all the men look upset
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

7.When was he sore from police academy and rolled off the couch.

Winton says, I can't close my ass, and Jess, Coach, and Nick all look confused
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

8.When he took an unexpectedly dark turn.

Winston says, Anything's funny when you put an old man in it, except for the ground
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

9.When drunk Winston made a point.

Winton says, Did you hear the joke about the two Black guys and two white guys who walked into a police station, the two white guys came out
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

10.When Young Winston discussed his virginity.

A woman says, Aren't you a virgin, too, and young Winston says, Just my penis, baby, just my penis
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

11.When Winston was sitting closer than Nick.

An old man says to Nick, Looks like you got old-man back, welcome to the club, and Nick says, Looks like a cool club, then he says to Winston Ugh, you hear that, and Winston says, Yeah, I'm sitting closer than you
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

12.When he was insecure about his looks.

Winton says, I'm just feeling a little insecure about my body and the way it is connected to my face
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

13.When he went through places he'd been dumped.

Winston says, I've been broken up with so many times in many different places, multiple parks, coffee shops, Santa's lap, kitchen stadium on Iron Chef, airplanes, in economy, economy select, economy comfort, platinum economy, while covered in butterflies
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

14.When, somehow, he was the normal one.

Winston says, Ain't no way in hell I got a cat brothel going on in my room and I'm the only normal person in this loft
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

15.When he explained who was going to be doing his police academy background check.

Winston says, "It's from Sergeant Tess Dorado, The Fish, I'm think they call her that cause she's tough but fair, like most fish I've interacted with," Schmidt says, "Dorado is a fish, it's a subset of mahi-mahi and it pairs nicely with citrus, you oaf"
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

16.When Winston, Jess, and Nick were stuck in some air ducts with a loose badger.

Winston, in the air ducts, says, "You know, I'm just staying positive, but, uh, I'm pretty sure this is where we die"
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

17.When he introduced his friends to his and Aly's child.

Winston says, Everybody meet Dan Bill Bishop, Jess asks, Daniel William, Winston says, No, Schmidt asks, Is Bill the middle name, Winston says, No, Aly says, Tell em you're kidding, Winston says, I'm not kidding, it's Dan Bill Bishop, and Aly asks, What
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

18.When he lied and told Jess that Cece liked Nick, but he didn't want her talking to Cece about it — it's a whole thing.

Winston says, He said she ugly, Jess says, He said what, and Winston says, He said she looks like a dang 'ol meatball with hair
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

19.When Reagan saw something under Nick's bed.

Reagan asks, Is that a bowl of mashed potatoes under your bed, and Winston says, May god help us if it's not
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

20.When Winston got weird drinking a fruity drink.

Winston says, It's like an explosion of fruit, Nick says, There it is, then Winston says, Look at me being so naughty, so naughty
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

21.When he revealed one thing he and Furguson do together.

Winston says, If I were off my rocker, would I take a weekly selfie with my cat, and Nick says, Oh Winston
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

22.When he tried to leave the loft.

Winston says, Let me know when you have the housewarming for your new place. I'll bring the succulents, Cece says, You never brought us succulents, and Winston says, Yu got me, I don't know what a succulent is, I just said that to get the hell out of here
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

23.But he actually did have to go.

Winston says, But I really do got to get going, it's my turn to nurse the baby, Schmidt says, How does he, and Cece says, It's a whole thing
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

24.When Winston lifted a car off of a kid who was stuck.

Winston, lifting the car, says, Call an ambulance, the kid says, I feel fine, and Winston yells, FOR MEEEEEEEE
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

25.When he showed how great he is on the phone while pretending to be Schmidt.

Winston, on the phone, says, Did you know that my name was an acronym, Uhu, Schmidt, Some can have money, I desire thoughtfulness
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

26.When he got Schmidt's reference.

Schmidt says, I'm the Bridgette Wilson-Sampras here, Cece says, Who, Reagan says, I don't know, Schmidt says, Oh, I suppose you're both too cool to have seen THE WEDDING PLANNER, and then Winston says, Well, I've seen it
Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

27.And finally, this whole rant, which I could never do justice through mere images.