26 Times Men Had Absolutely No Idea How Women's Bodies Work But Opened Their Mouths Anyway
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Let's face it, most of our health classes were less than ideal, and some of us had to connect the dots on how our own bodies worked on our own. That being said, there's nothing worse than someone speaking to you with authority about your body.
Reddit user u/flavagolem recently asked, "What's the worst mansplanation/misunderstanding of your reproductive anatomy that you've heard?" Here are just a few:
1."That less than half of women have clitorises. I have no fucking clue where he got the ratio from. I assume his ass, which I’m fairly sure 100% of men have."
2."That using tampons must be pleasurable, because it's basically masturbation."
3."I knew a guy once who was convinced women had a G spot in their throat and that they could cum from giving a blowjob because of it. I'm pretty sure he saw that Deep Throat porn and thought it was a documentary."
Deep Throat is widely known as the first mainstream pornographic film. Made in 1972 and starring actress Linda Lovelace, the film actually depicts a woman who discovers that her clitoris is in her throat, and develops her oral sex skills for her own pleasure.
4."That women's vaginas keep a record of every penis that's been inside us, and the DNA from every previous sexual partner would be transferred into a baby, and that's why babies don't look like their father when born."
5."If you have problems with your periods or hormones during adolescence, you can never have kids. The guy explained that this is because the uterus and the ovaries will never fully develop so ovaries can't have eggs in them. I tried to explain that girls are born with eggs but he wouldn't believe me."
6."That using tampons would cause me to lose my virginity."
7."That we can control period flow as we do for pee."
Several factors can influence period flow, including hormonal balance, but it's not something that people can willingly control.
8."I have problems becoming pregnant, so I always thought of adoption. Once I was around my early thirties, of course, the subject of children came up with some friends. One of the guys totally went on a monologue that there was no 'problem to become pregnant' for women and that all women can become pregnant, it’s what 'they are made for.' His explanation is that the reason some women can’t become pregnant was that they are not 'open enough' in the act. They have to have a great orgasm to be 'opened up' to be able to become pregnant. Yes, of course, he 'offered' himself to 'do the job.' Everyone was stunned by his stupidity and was just looking at him with memorable expressions on their faces, including his wife’s, who had their 3 or 4-year-old daughter in her arms."
9."Most recent one, one guy suggested 'he could beat my period' (in terms of hooking up with me) doesn't really work like that. If I'm cramping, or spotting, it's started. You can't race it to the finish line, if I say I am getting my period, the thing has already happened. If anything, it's going to come quicker if you're poking around in there."
10."That women can't get pregnant while they're on top. When I told him that's not how it works he suggested that I just pee afterward so I don't get pregnant. Sexy time became a sex education class pretty damn quickly and I hope that poor guy learned at least something of it."
No matter the sexual position, the likelihood of pregnancy is the same. The safest way to avoid pregnancy is to use a method of protection. Also, while you should pee after sex to help avoid getting a UTI, it also does nothing for reducing the risk of pregnancy.
11."Women like farting because it tickles the clit. Dude. Where do you think the clitoris is?"
12."I once heard a man say that boobs were made to attract men and when someone else mentioned its function to feed a baby, he insisted that women held their babies near their chest for 'aesthetics.'"
13."That American politician who claimed that in cases of 'legitimate rape,' a woman's body would just shut the system down so pregnancy was impossible."
This quote is not actually from a random man, but from none other than Rep. Todd Akin, who said in an interview with KTVI-TV, "It seems to be, first of all, from what I understand from doctors, it’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut the whole thing down." Rep. Atkin served as US representative for Missouri's 2nd congressional district from 2001 to 2013 and made the comment in 2012 as he ran for US Senate.
Although supported by some colleagues, Akin's comments were largely denounced as misogynistic and inappropriate. Akin later apologized, however, in a book published in 2014, he noted that he regretted retracting his statement.
14."That a torn hymen means I'm not a virgin."
15."I went on a couple of dates with a guy who thought that all women had their period at the same time of the month as if we were ALL synced. Could you imagine?"
16."This was actually from a woman, but you shouldn't eat spicy foods during pregnancy because the baby is in your stomach, so the spices will get in the baby's eyes, and that will make the baby throw up, and the baby's vomit will give you heartburn."
Eating spicy foods while pregnant is actually totally safe for your baby, although it may increase indigestion and heartburn for you. Also, heartburn is caused by stomach acid traveling up toward the throat.
17."I was in line at the grocery store and five days overdue with my daughter, my first. The man in front of me turned and asked about my pregnancy and I obliged. His response was, 'Oh, it’s a shame she is dead because she didn’t come out on the due date.' The grocery store clerk and I were both shocked into complete silence."
18."I heard a high school boy once talk about how there are benefits to being a woman, like 'not having to go pee for a whole week every month.' He thought tampons just soaked up pee as well. He was loudly shouted down."
19."That most women regret having abortions and become severely depressed. Also, that by having an abortion, they’ll have problems in the future conceiving."
The Journal of Social Science & Medicine actually reported that according to their study, most women actually feel relief after getting an abortion instead of regret. The study, which took place over the course of five years, actually reported that the most difficulty was experienced while deciding to get an abortion, but after having one, the predominant emotion was relief. After the five-year period, a majority of study participants (84%) reported that they either had positive feelings about the experience or none at all.
20."That if I have my period I can't lift heavy objects 'cause my uterus may fall. My mother told me so."
21."I have endometriosis. I had an endo-fibroid tear part of my uterine wall at work. My coworker found me hemorrhaging on the bathroom floor. I had to be rushed upstairs (I worked in a hospital) to the ER. The next morning I'm in the hospital recovering and my male manager comes storming up to my hospital room demanding to know why I left work early. My coworker had told him I had a medical emergency and had passed out, and she had to call to have me taken upstairs for immediate medical attention. Apparently, the ER doctor wouldn't tell him anything and he was pissed about that. When I explained to him that I hemorrhaged and was probably going to be in the hospital for at least another 24 hours because I needed surgery he threw another temper tantrum IN MY HOSPITAL ROOM demanding to know why I couldn't have saved my 'lady problems' for off-work hours."
22."If we swallow a tiny camera, it’ll end up in the uterus so we can see if a baby is growing there."
Idaho representative Vito Barbieri actually asked if this was possible during a House State Affairs Committee meeting on a bill that would ban doctors from prescribing abortion-inducing medication through telemedicine. In 2015, Barbieri asked Dr. Julie Madsen, who was providing testimony. Madsen explained that this was not possible, as swallowed objects do not end up in the uterus.
23."A boy in school saw my tampon bag. It had a few different kinds depending on flow. He said something like 'Why do have so many? That’s enough for the entire year!' I asked him to clarify and he started ranting about women complaining about the price of menstrual products for no reason, that a box of tampons is not that expensive since we only need one box a year. I asked him why he thought that and his conclusion was, 'There are around 30 tampons per box, you use one–three a period, so three times nine is 27 tampons.'"
24."My ex, a grown adult man, thought that once women hit a certain age, they just get rid of their reproductive organs. He was grossed out by his dad and stepmom (both in their mid 50's) having sex all the time while he was home. And one time while venting about it, he made the comment, 'at least she doesn't have to worry about getting pregnant at her age since she's probably already had the surgery' so naturally, I asked, 'What surgery?' And his response was 'You know, when they take all your reproductive stuff out.' Upon more questioning, I learned that, for whatever reason, he thought that when women start menopause they have to get a full hysterectomy??"
Actual menopause is the permanent ending of menstruation. It begins gradually and is a natural part of life, which means there's no need to schedule surgery to remove your reproductive organs. As your near menopause, your ovaries will stop releasing eggs.
25."That I pee out of my vagina. The dude argued with me about it too, like, he knew more about my own plumbing than I did."
FYI, you pee out of your urethra, which is completely different from your vagina.
26."My ex asked, 'Instead of plugging it with a tampon why don't you just push it all out at once? That way you just get it over with.'"
Okay, so it is actually possible to have your entire period at once, but not in the way this guy thinks it is. Your body can actually pass your entire period at once, called a decidual cast, in the shape of your uterus. This is different from a typical period, where your body sheds your uterine lining piece by piece in a much more gradual way. However, this is not a voluntary process and certainly isn't comfortable.
