I Laughed So Hard At These 24 Hilarious Tweets By Women That My Butt LITERALLY Fell Off (Seriously, Both Cheeks Are Gone!!!)

Can’t wait to hear the album Taylor writes after finally dating someone hot. Gonna be straight bangers.

— kelsey mckinney (@mckinneykelsey) September 24, 2023

Another day, another round of men asking, "Why are women attracted to this mildly unconventional looking dude?" Honey, every woman you know has a crush on the cartoon fox version of Robin Hood, and this is what baffles you?

— Kayleigh Donaldson (@Ceilidhann) September 25, 2023

first tattoo: it is so important I get this right, it is for life every other tattoo: just having a laugh really

— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) September 21, 2023

Taylor Swift is dating an American for the first time since the Obama administration. Thank you Joe Biden. pic.twitter.com/fWcTIJOptL

— Gabi with an i (@PRStatehoodDem) September 24, 2023

my therapist had me a do a lil exercise and we had to create a scale of 0 to 100 and she needed me to give an example of what 0 would be in terms of feeling no discomfort/anxiety and i said “after doing a whippet” and then she wrote for what seemed like longer than those 4 words

— lana del slay (@lanadelslayee) September 21, 2023

The problem with modern romcoms is everyone is too fuckin clever and quippy. Let me watch two bumbling morons struggle through a low stakes conversation PLEASE

— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) September 21, 2023

Someone stole my identity yesterday and opened a bunch of accounts in my name, including a sports betting account where he won like hundreds of dollars. today I closed the account and collected all of that money. Getting your identity stolen rules!!!

— Laura Peek (@laurapeek_) September 21, 2023

i hate my friends pic.twitter.com/G2TH9RFeCK

— Noor ✭ (@Noorthevirgo) September 24, 2023

When my high school boyfriend who was a pro tennis player broke my heart, I created t-shirts to sell that said “love means nothing in tennis”

— Olivia (she/her) (@thedigitalyenta) September 25, 2023

i just think that, in any romantic or platonic relationship, if you’re good at juggling you need to disclose that upfront

— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) September 22, 2023

thrilled to report my downstairs neighbors seem to think the steady stream of taskrabbits coming up to my house are men i am fucking every hour on the hour

— jamie loftus 🌭 (@jamieloftusHELP) September 20, 2023

I had to explain who Offset was to my dad during the Colorado game and he had absolutely no context for what I was talking about."He's Cardi B's husband.""And who is that?""...How am I going to do this..."

— Two Time Emmy Winner Ali B (@wtflanksteak) September 17, 2023

Got a friendly personal reject from a magazine that said they liked my submission, but they only accept “submissions from authors in the western US” and like… pic.twitter.com/cVB4pZkTD5

— Frances Klein (@fklein907) September 18, 2023

STOP! NARCING! I brought a watering can to dinner tonight because a friend had given it to me earlier. as I was leaving the restaurant, a woman told a waiter “she’s stealing your watering can!” and then I had to be like “this is actually mine” which is embarrassing for no reason!

— not even sure what i’m doing here (@sablaah) September 21, 2023

The first year husband & I were married he YELLED out in the middle of the night. I startled awake and asked what was wrong and he said, “I had a dream that you rolled over and your face was actually a demon face.”And then he went back to sleep.Reader, I did not.

— emily (@emilykmay) September 19, 2023

the great wonder and tragedy of modern life is that if you need a new flashlight, there is a subreddit of 181k members who can steer you toward one that costs $67

— #3 sisterwife but #1 in his heart (@prettycritical) September 25, 2023

me the second it’s below 70 degrees pic.twitter.com/44AQQrxBlk

— Abby Barr (@1AbbyRoad) September 20, 2023

How is it that everybody from my hometown is married with kids but nobody from my college is married with kids. This math doesn’t add up to me. Bc the people from my hometown also went to college. So explain how this is happening

— michaela okland (@MichaelaOkla) September 20, 2023

When Mariah Carey sued that billionaire boyfriend she had for wasting her time and won a multi-million dollar settlement, that's girl math.

— Morgan Jerkins (@MorganJerkins) September 24, 2023

Haven’t seen no squirrels lately and all of a sudden mc Donald’s got 50 cent burgers

— Ty ☆ (@cuteasstyy) September 20, 2023

I stopped by the thrift store down the street today and... pic.twitter.com/pH737GuPvH

— Juliet Bennett Rylah (@JBRylah) September 25, 2023

One thing about Taylor…she’s gonna meet your mom 😩 you may not hear from her after a month. But she definitely gonna meet your momma.

— Mo (@exilehive) September 24, 2023

It turns out if I want to go to sleep by 11pm, I have to start the process at 9:30pm.

— Karen K. Ho (@karenkho) September 20, 2023

you know when you read about how in olden times women would apply lead to their faces as a cosmetic? that’s basically us rn with plastic tupperware

— sara hinkley (@boneysoups) September 23, 2023

i love it when i can tell a friend is doing their content rounds. thank you for sending me a tweet and a tiktok during your shift at the post factory queen. see you again in 2-8 hours

— kelsey weekman (@kelsaywhat) September 19, 2023