"It Was Just So Sexist": 23 Unnecessary Comments Made By Handymen And Realtors To Women Who Own Their Own Home
I recently asked women homeowners in the BuzzFeed Community to share any unnecessary comments they received from contractors, realtors, neighbors, and friends while they were buying or renovating their homes. And the women came through — the comments were filled with the most ridiculous, needless, and misogynistic remarks that had ever been said to them as homeowners. Here are some of the most rage-inducing responses:
1."My husband was out when the plumber came, so he had to deal with me. When I explained that we had water hammer and draining the system hadn't helped, he rolled his eyes and said, 'Have you been googling?' He cringed when I explained that I work for a valve company, whose embroidered sweatshirt I'd been wearing the whole time."
2."I’m a single woman and bought a house two years ago. For the first few months, I worked with quite a number of contractors. Upon seeing the shed in my backyard, at least four different contractors said, 'Oh, is that your she-shed?' To which I would reply, 'I’m the homeowner. The whole house is my she-shed.'”
—anonymous
3."I was at a hardware store buying blocks to build a retaining wall. I was loading my cart with about 60 of them, and as I was pushing the cart to the front, a guy said to me, 'Dang girl, you ain’t got no husband?'"
—anonymous
4."I have owned my home for five years and have gotten new windows, a new HVAC, a new tankless water heater, and have replaced all interior doors, replaced all electrical outlets and switches, and installed a new metal roof. Almost 95% of contractors I have reached out to have refused to quote me or said, 'Honey, you know this will be expensive.' If I didn't know what it would cost, I would not have taken the project on. Come on, really? There have even been a handful of contractors who flat-out told me they would not work with or for a woman. A job is a job."
—anonymous
5."My new neighbor stopped by and demanded to speak to my husband. I said, 'You are.' He demanded to speak to the man of the house. I said, 'You are.' He became exasperated and said, 'YOU own this house?' I confirmed that I did. His response? 'You must have divorced well.'"
—anonymous
6."I had just turned 26 the week prior and was so excited for my closing day. I went to the lawyer's office (of the sellers) to finish signing everything and receive the final paperwork. While I was in the middle of signing, the lawyer who I’d met 10 minutes earlier said, 'Don’t worry, it’ll be easy to add your husband to the deed when you get married.' It left a sour taste in my mouth from the experience, but I decided not to let it get me down. A week later, I met up with a male friend, who was buying a condo at the same time, and I recounted the experience. Unsurprisingly, he had not been told it’d be easy to add his wife to his deed if he got married. It's been 10 years, and I still own the house solo. I wonder if that even seems possible to the lawyer."
—anonymous
7."I needed to replace the toilets in my condo. I went to a hardware store to browse/take notes on my options. An employee asked why I was 'handling this myself' and told me that I would 'definitely need a man to help me carry the boxes' once I did purchase. It was so obnoxious!"
—anonymous
8."I had a plumber come in to unclog a drain. Everything was going great — he solved the problem really fast and charged a reasonable rate. As I was writing out the check, he said, 'You should have painted your toes.' It was so odd and out of left field that even my 10-year-old son noticed and asked, 'What did he just say to you?' I'm proud of him for recognizing a red flag and creepy behavior at that tender age. The plumber heard him, too, and said, 'Just the musings of an old man,' like being old gave him permission to be weird and creepy about my feet."
—anonymous
9."I took my dad with me to view houses, and a lot of the agents spoke to him specifically. My dad kept trying to redirect them to me by saying that I had quite specific ideas about what I wanted. One particular real estate agent replied, really patronizingly, 'Well, who holds the purse strings, though?' I was so shocked I couldn’t say anything, but my dad stared him down and said, 'She does,' and we left."
10."I had a guy come over to fix our broken garbage disposal. As he was fixing it, he turned to my boyfriend and said, 'Now, she can make you breakfast!' After he left, we burst out laughing because it was just so ridiculous. Plus, my boyfriend was the breakfast chef in our household. It was just so sexist."
—anonymous
11."I was sitting on my front porch minding my own business when one of those cringy security system people walked up and asked me if I was so-and-so as they read my name from their tablet. I was caught off guard and said yes, which led to a whole conversation about my current security system; honestly, the amount of information they knew about my house was slightly concerning, like they had cased the joint. After a few minutes, because I was clearly not giving them the answers they wanted, they looked at the front door and said, 'Am I speaking to the boss, or is there a husband I need to talk to? Just want to make sure I'm talking to the decision-maker.' Really?"
—anonymous
12."I was making picture frames because I wanted a specific look. When I went to a local lumber mill to talk to the mill guy about my options, he asked how I got into 'tools and stuff,' and then kindly let me know that 'women can do anything!' Thanks, guy! I didn't know that before you blessed me with that bit of wisdom."
—anonymous
13."After spending far too much time meticulously pressure washing my fence, a neighbor whom I had never before met wandered over and said (paraphrasing), 'Wow, the fence looks great, but I never expected a woman to have done all of this!' He could've just left it as a nice compliment, but nope. He had to add the 'but.'"
—anonymous
14."I had a house fire when my parents happened to be visiting. The next day, the contractors descended like vultures to try to get the job. After waiting to talk to me in the line of contractors, one decided to end his spiel about why I should hire him with, 'Although I know your dad will have the final decision, I think my company would be a really good fit for this job.' I corrected him and couldn’t put his business card in the trash fast enough."
—anonymous
15."I have lived in my house for about six years and owned it for a little over two years when this happened. I needed some sewer work and other plumbing work done, so I hired a contractor. The contractor wouldn’t even look at me when he was explaining what was wrong. He maintained eye contact with my boyfriend to explain what was wrong (who was not paying and who doesn’t even live here, let alone pay any bills). I have never hired them again and won’t even consider hiring them again. What am I, chopped liver? I still get mad when I think about it."
—anonymous
16."I have always owned my own property. It started with my condo, and then, when I got married, I bought us a house. The mortgage is in my name, I pay it, and I had my husband sign a prenup that agrees I get the house in case of a divorce (not planning on one, but I’ve had friends who are also successful women get hosed over not having a prenup). Anyway, it is mildly infuriating that all mail that comes to our house (you know, the ads for upgrading our windows, the HOA notifications, solar panel offers, lawn care, and even the notifications for taxes and other official state business) comes with either his name listed first or as the only recipient. The funny part is that I didn’t take his name when we got married, and half the mail lists him with my last name."
—anonymous
17."I own a house in the suburbs and live with my boyfriend. In 2016, I wanted to get my kitchen remodeled. I called a reputable local business to request an in-house estimate. They refused to meet with me alone. They insisted we both be present for the meeting. I made it clear that I owned the home in my name only, and I would be the one paying for the remodel. They would not budge. Both of us had to be there so my boyfriend could give his input on my house remodel. No, thank you. I went with a different business to remodel my kitchen."
—anonymous
18."I had hired someone to install new flooring. He looked around and said, 'Wow, it’s really girly in here' in such a judgmental and disparaging way. I replied, 'Well, since it’s my house, I’ll take that as a compliment.'"
19."When I first bought my house, I had a contractor do a number of small projects. He was friendly and seemed harmless. He even brought his teenage son to help with some of the work. Later, I messaged him, saying there was a problem with my shower. It was stuck on the hottest setting. I told him I had to run in and out of the shower because it was too hot to stay in. He responded, 'I’m picturing that now, and I have a very vivid imagination. 😏' Needless to say, I never used him again."
—anonymous
20."I bought my house on my own. My boyfriend was there for the inspection. You’d think I was wearing an apron with two babies on my hips. The man doing the inspection said NOT A WORD to me, nor did he make eye contact. He spoke only to my boyfriend. When he had to get the 'purchaser’s signature' and tried to hand my boyfriend the clipboard, my man literally said, 'You’ve been screwing up for the past hour, but this is hilarious,' as he took the clipboard and handed it to me."
21."I enjoy doing handy work around my house. Recently, I've upgraded light fixtures and light switches to make my house my home. I needed wire caps, so I went to the hardware store and asked an associate where they were. He felt it necessary to joke by saying, 'Make sure the power is off.' I shot daggers at him because I knew if I were a man, I would have immediately gotten aisle and bay, minus the joke."
—anonymous
22."I own my home, and I've always been very independent because my parents taught me to be that way. When I was in the process of moving into my home, I had several contractors at my house. They all had something misogynistic to say, but I distinctly remember when the men cleaning the carpet asked me how many square feet my house was. I answered (correctly), '2,016 square feet,' to which they both responded, 'No, not the year, the size. How big is your house?' I responded, 'My house was built in 1954, and the addition we're standing in brings the square footage to 2,016. THANKS.'"
"I also had a male contractor tell me it was 'ridiculous and wrong' that I drove a pickup truck and my then-fiancé drove a sedan."
—anonymous
23.And finally, "A repairman asked me, 'What did you do to get this house?'"
—anonymous
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
