21 Hysterical Tweets By Moms And Dads That Have Me Hootin' And Hollerin'

I asked 7 if she was ready for second grade and she said that second grade better be ready for her.

— Marissa 💚🍃💛 (@michimama75) August 28, 2023

Saddest thing about raising a kid in 2023 isn't climate change. It's that when you eat your corn like a typewriter, they don't get it.

— Jenny Hagel (@jennyhagel) August 28, 2023

12yo: imagine if cargo shorts existed as pants…Me: they do, they’re called cargo pants12yo: WHAT

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) August 29, 2023

Once my daughter turned 7 she suddenly forgot how to pronounce “mom” and now it comes out sounding like “bruh”

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) August 28, 2023

I'm just a girl, standing in front of a computer, copying the emergency contact info from my kids' school portal profile onto a new emergency contact form so I can send it into school and they can re-input the information into my kids' school portal profile.

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) August 30, 2023

My kid told me the book we were reading was fiction, and the reason he knows that is because dragons don’t eat tacos, they eat meat

— meghan (@deloisivete) August 29, 2023

A heist movie, but instead of navigating lasers and speeding trains, the hero has to remove the lanyard from a pacifier in a sleeping baby's mouth without waking the baby

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) August 30, 2023

I think my kid might be a magician because he takes a water bottle to school and makes it disappear

— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) August 29, 2023

My grandfather fought in a world war and my five year old asks me to come to the bathroom with him to hold his nose so he doesn’t have to smell it when he poops.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) August 30, 2023

just saw a couple ‘rock paper scissors’ for who had to deal with their toddler’s blowout

— madeline odent (@oldenoughtosay) August 31, 2023

Just like with my children, I am constantly calling Alexa and Siri by each other’s names

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 29, 2023

11yo: Are we there yet?Me: Minutes away11yo: Technically we’re always minutes away from everything, we’re minutes away from death right now

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) August 29, 2023

Thinking about the time we told our 5 yo we were moving and he said he was gonna miss us.

— A Dad Influence (@gbergan) September 1, 2023

My 12yo just referred to herself as the rizzler. I guess I’m officially “I don’t know what that means” years old.

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) August 29, 2023

Nobody told me that I would have to be so deeply invested in school friends and enemies all over again when I had a child, I would like to lodge a complaint

— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) August 28, 2023

Welcome to parenthood. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if a day was 3267 hours long?

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 26, 2023

me: ohh you get to sleep in tomorrow my 7yo: nah

— meghan (@deloisivete) September 1, 2023

for sale: baby shoes, never worn. baby got suuuper good at hand stands. we can’t get him to stop. it’s making my wife so angry.

— erin chack (@ErinChack) August 30, 2023

16- *bragging about his mustache*12- Mom’s mustache is way better than yours Me-

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) August 28, 2023

*10 comes out of nowhere*me: scared the crap out of me. where'd you come from??10: my mom.me: touche.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) August 30, 2023

Before I had my 3rd baby, my husband had a new dept head who insisted he needed a doctor’s note to get paternity leave approved. My OB was like “??” and she gave me a note saying “Kristen is going to give birth at some point.”

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) August 27, 2023

Diapers are so absorbent because toddlers need something to hold all of their audacity.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) August 29, 2023