The 21 Best Books About Fatherhood

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As soon as people find out you’re going to become a parent, the endless suggestions begin. There are the classics, like, “make sure to get some sleep now because pretty soon you won’t,” and “life will never be the same.” The advice comes as if you didn’t know any of this before introducing another human being into this world and becoming responsible for keeping them alive, even as they try to sabotage their own existence at every turn. The advice drove me insane. I promised not to do it. And then, of course, I gave my own. I have handed it out in a short sentence: read the baby books.

For generations, pop culture has had low expectations of fathers. The bare minimum, I tell expecting dads, is to spend the months before the newborn arrives reading, because it will ease your mind and settle you down when the moment comes when a child vomits on you, when they have a fever, or they aren’t sleeping. You’ve read about this before;: you can handle it. You also can’t experience pregnancy or birth, so try your best to understand it. The reading goes a long way.

But once the child arrives, no book can save you. What can feel relatable, though, is reading about someone else’s struggles with the same things you’re experiencing. A story can pull at your heartstrings because it reminds you of your father, or your father’s absence.

Stories about fathers can be about a direct connection to a parent, but they can also be about a dad’s absence. Would anyone argue that Vivian Gornick’s perfect memoir Fierce Attachments is about her relationship to her mother? No. Of course not. It’s also a book about the lingering ghost of her father, who dies of sudden heart attack, and how his death throws Gornick and her mother into an even more dependent relationship.

Whether we want to admit it or not, the relationship between parents and children is the deepest bond we can create. With these books, we try to examine the various ways that connection is created, and its lasting impact on our lives.

The Duke of Deception: Memories of My Father, by Geoffrey Wolff

Not all fathers are created equally. In Wolff’s 1979 memoir about his father, “Duke,” Wolff writes about all of Duke’s schemes and blemishes, but he also tenderly remembers how even the most deceitful of men can find it in their hearts to be a good dad when they need to, which makes us hold onto those moments.

This Boy's Life, by Tobias Wolff

As Geoffrey Wolff’s younger brother, Tobias ended up living with his mother when their parents split. In his 1989 memoir, Wolff remembers growing up with two terrible stepfathers while constantly getting into trouble. What stands out in the book is the end, where he finally goes to visit his father in California, only for the old man to abandon him for Las Vegas with a girlfriend and then end up in a sanatorium. This Boy’s Life is the story of a young man searching for his dad in various corners, hoping that one day someone will listen to him. The absence of a real father is felt on every page.

The Tender Bar, by J.R. Moehringer

In his 2005 memoir, Moehringer recounts growing up without a father. He found refuge from his busy and loud family at the local taproom, where his uncle tended bar and the locals shared stories and advice. Moehringer’s father was a famous disc-jockey on the radio; after searching on the dials, he found him and tried to kindle a relationship, but what he discovers in this beautifully rendered coming-of-age memoir is that even if your biological father isn’t around to raise you, other father figures show up to do the job. Sometimes, it just takes a bit of soul-searching to see it.

The Seasons Quartet, by Karl Ove Knausgaard

Here, Knausgård delivers a large collection of essays—because he doesn’t do short, simple, or sweet—separated by the seasons, penned for his soon-to-be born child. The essays that hit are some of his best and most understated work—especially the letters to the unborn daughter that appear before the change of each month. The beauty of everyday objects like chairs to noses to wasps to banana flies create launching pads for Knausgård to pontificate on life and what it all has meant to him. It might take some time to parcel through, but that’s what makes this work essential: it leaves no thought unturned and allows each essay to shine in a different light with each new reading.

Between the World and Me, by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Structured as a letter to Coates’ son, Between the World and Me straddles the line between a direct father-son connection and a personal exploration of the author’s relationship to his parents and the world. This is the seminal work of one of our best writers and thinkers, who digs into what it means to be a Black man in America—what that means for his son’s identity and his future—while outlining how Coates was taught and raised. By letting go and getting personal, Coates allows his years of thinking and experience to shine.

Last Night in Twisted River, by John Irving

Irving specializes in stories about New England, and here is one of his best. When Dominic and his son Daniel are forced to leave their home in northern New Hampshire after an accidental homicide, they move to the North End of Boston while on the lam. Daniel starts to write his first novel when he goes to college, then has a son of his own, Joe. As the three men move from one location to the next, Daniel continues writing a collection of eight autobiographical novels—then tragedy strikes once again. This is a story about stories, but also about what we’ll do for love and for our children. Irving navigates a complicated narrative about the dilemmas of parenting and how we cope with loss.

The Road, by Cormac McCarthy

McCarthy’s Pulitzer Prize-winning book is his most personal. A moving portrait of a father and son trying to survive in a post-apocalyptic world, McCarthy’s Biblical prose evokes a ravaged and ruined world, filled with fear and uncertainty, to tell a story of survival and, ultimately, love.

Patrimony, by Philip Roth

Roth would often say that his books were not autobiographical. But here, Roth is his most vulnerable and true as he writes about his father dying in old age. It’s Roth at his best: funny, moving, skeptical, and, most important in the terms of autobiographical writing, far from a perfect son. While other books are lauded and praised, this might be Roth’s finest work.

The Bear, by Andrew Krivak

What does it mean to be the last person on Earth? What would you do? And what would you teach your child about the world and about survival if you knew that there was no hope? Krivak doesn’t hide any secrets or hold any cards. Instead, by showing us a father teaching his daughter how to survive during the final days of humanity—and then her time alone as the last person on Earth—he’s able to explore the essence of humanity and our relationship to nature.

A Heart That Works, by Rob Delaney

As the co-star and co-writer of the TV show Catastrophe, Rob Delaney is known for his comedy, but he’s also a father and a writer, which are two areas where he excels. It all comes to a head in his 2022 memoir, in which he recounts what it was like to care for his son, who was diagnosed with brain cancer as a two-year-old, and what the experience of losing a child was like. Delaney is able to show the pain parents feel as we try to care for our children, and how the loss of control in the situation can bear down on us with an insurmountable weight. It’s a memoir of loss and grief, but it’s also funny, and in those comedic moments, Delaney opens up some hard truths to shine light on an unthinkable situation.

Once More We Saw Stars, by Jayson Greene

Like Delaney, Greene lost a child far too early. But for Greene, there was no diagnosis: just sudden disaster. Greene and his wife’s lives were upended when their daughter Greta died in a freak accident while out with her grandmother. What was supposed to be a leisurely morning for the couple after a welcome night off of parenting duties turned into a nightmare. But through it all, Greene writes some of the most beautiful sentences ever put to the page about the joys of parenting and fatherhood while also navigating the world of grief, all without making this read like a self-help book. Instead, it’s about the love of a couple as they remember their beautiful daughter and look ahead.

Dad's Maybe Book, by Tim O'Brien

O’Brien is one of our master storytellers. When he seemingly disappeared in middle age after publishing July, July in 2002, it seemed like we’d lost one of America’s great voices. Instead, what we got was one of America’s most obsessed fathers. O’Brien was 56 when his first son was born; two years later, another son arrived. While raising them, O’Brien wrote letters to them with lessons and insights. He recounted moments he was proud of them, but also moments when he was afraid, sad, and feeling. Years later, his wife Meredith convinced him to compile the letters into a book, because maybe it would help other parents. Like O’Brien’s other works, the parts that sing are arresting and truthful, always digging to the third and fourth layers below the surface of consciousness.

Dreams from My Father, by Barack Obama

The absence of Barack Obama’s father Barack Obama, Sr. can be felt on every page of the 44th president’s 1995 memoir. Recounting the stories he was told about his father, who left Hawaii and Obama’s mother to attend Harvard and return to Kenya, Obama traces his own origin story and myth. Sometimes, the absence of a parent makes us feel them more acutely, because we’re hunting for answers and a way to replace them.

To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee

Over 60 years later, Harper Lee’s book still offers endless lessons and unforgettable characters. It’s worth revisiting post-high school to see how the relationship between Scout and her father Atticus Finch feels more vital than before. There are moral lessons a-plenty for this book, but what makes Harper Lee’s work stand out against others is the bond between Atticus and Scout.

Father and Son, by Edmund Gosse

Initially published anonymously, poet and critic Edmund Gosse’s 1907 memoir is about his relationship with his father, Philip Henry Gosse, a zoologist who also studied marine biology. The book deals mostly with the relationship between Edmund and his religious father after the death of his mother. The pair move to southwest England and move in separate directions as Edmund begins to reject his father’s fundamental views of the world; meanwhile, Philip refuses to accept the new scientific theories of evolution proposed by his colleagues, like Charles Darwin. Although not a particularly easy book to read, it’s an early example of the complexities of the memoir genre, and a prime example of how we see our relationship to our parents as the foundation of our lives.

Look for Me There, by Luke Russert

It’s difficult enough to cope with losing a parent. Now imagine if your parent were famous like Russert’s dad Tim Russert, who helmed NBC’s political talk show Meet the Press for 16 years. Tim Russert was regarded as one of the great political journalists and commentators, a fair and honest man in a town where those two qualities are bandied about as core values, but often abandoned at the city limits. Luke Russert, a former journalist for NBC, writes about what our parents mean to us in life and in death. He also considers what our parents mean to us in juxtaposition with what everyone else thinks of them.

The Best Old Movies for Families, by Ty Burr

Not a book about fathers and children, but a book for fathers and their children. As we enter into an ever more splintered streaming world, the question of “what should we watch this evening?” has become even more difficult. Thankfully, long-time Boston Globe movie critic Ty Burr has you covered with a list of classics you can share with your kids that won’t feel like a stream of endless noise and flashing images.

Someone Could Get Hurt, by Drew Magary

Want to know what it’s really like to be a parent? Magary has you covered. He covers up none of the warts or the excuses, bringing levity and humor to what’s often a challenging and scary life choice, but one that is also often hilarious. Galvanized by the ordeal of watching his premature child fight for life while dealing with intestinal malrotation at a neonatal intensive care unit, Magary began a frank memoir trying to unravel the riddles of parenting. One of my favorite sections comes early in the book, when Magary is out trick-or-treating with his three children, and one of the neighborhood dads with a stash of beers in a wagon goes in a different direction. He pines to follow the beer and a good time, but instead goes door-knocking with his kids so they can collect candy to begin the Halloween sugar-rush, which seems to run for at least a few days and yet feels like a few years.

Raising Raffi, by Keith Gessen

Like Magary, Gessen examines the everyday struggles of parenting, but with a more analytical lens and fewer jokes. Through a series of essays, Gessen examines the hard parts of parenting—namely the big part where you’re unsure if you’re suited to do it at all, and if you’re fucking your kid up. Raising Raffi brings a journalistic approach to parenting as Gessen searches for answers while telling his own relatable story as an apprehensive parent filled with fear and doubt. It’s in the tender moments where Gessen works past what the experts say and write that this book stands out.

The Film Club, by David Gilmour

In this 2007 memoir, Gilmour writes about letting his teenage son drop out of school—if he will watch three movies with his father. Here Gilmour shows a tender side to dealing with a troubled child as he tries to break down the barriers between him and his son through art. This goes on for three years while Gilmour’s son deals with the influences of drugs, drinking, and girls. The book seems like a gimmick, set up just for this kind of reward, but instead it’s a story about a father and son trying to get to know one another at a certain time and place in their lives. It’s something neither of them will forget.

A Wrinkle in Time, by Madeleine L'Engle

I include this book mostly because of an essay by the writer Derek Palacio on reading the book with his young daughter. A Wrinkle in Time is a book about good and evil, full of religious symbols, but at its heart, it’s a book focused on finding a father who disappeared, and what we will do to see our parents one more time.

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