30 Hilarious "Harry Potter" Quotes That All Wizards and Muggles Will Love
The wizards and witches of Hogwarts practically raised us, teaching us about life, love, acceptance, friendship, death, and bravery from beneath our bookmarks and on the big screen. We'll never forget the best Harry Potter quotes and emotional moments that live rent-free in our minds, from the Battle of Hogwarts and Harry Potter freeing Dobby, to Severus Snape professing his everlasting love for Lilly Potter. But let's not overlook the funniest Harry Potter quotes that made us giggle more than a fresh brew of laughing potion.
Many of our favorite Harry Potter scenes are filled with laughter. After all, who can hold back a smile when thinking of Ron Weasley's face as he drove his Dad’s car into the Whomping Willow or when Harry smiled at Cho Chang and pumpkin juice spilled out his mouth? If you rate every Harry Potter-themed joke a 9 ¾ out of 10, say "Bloody hell" on a daily basis, and fill your holiday wishlist every year with Wizarding World merch and gifts, then you need to know these hilarious quotes from the magical franchise.
With seven books and eight movies, there's no shortage of sidesplitting, hysterical commentary from Hermoine Granger, Harry, and Ron, as well as the beloved teachers and friends of the trio. From Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, these are the best Harry Potter quotes for dedicated fans to recite when they need a laugh.
“Don’t put your wand there, boy! … Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know.” — Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
"I hope you're pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed — or worse, expelled. Now if don't mind, I'm going to bed." — Hermione Granger, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
"Dobby never meant to kill! Dobby only meant to maim, or seriously injure." — Dobby, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1
"You're a little scary sometimes, you know that? Brilliant...but scary." — Ron Weasley, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Harry: "So, light a fire!"
Hermione: "Yes — of course — but there's no wood!"
Ron: "HAVE YOU GONE MAD? ARE YOU A WITCH OR NOT?"
— Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
"I am a wizard, not a baboon brandishing a stick." — Seamus Finnigan, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Rita: "Congratulations, Harry! I wonder if you could give me a quick word? How you felt facing a dragon? How you feel now, about the fairness of scoring?"
Harry: "Yeah, you can have a word. Goodbye."
— Rita Skeeter and Harry Potter, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
"Training for the ballet, Potter?" — Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Hermione: [Punches Draco in the face] "That felt good." — Hermione Granger, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Snape: "Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?"
Harry: "Yes."
Snape: "Yes, sir."
Harry: "There's no need to call me 'sir,' Professor."
— Severus Snape and Harry Potter, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Hermione: "Bouillabaisse."
Ron: "Bless you."
— Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
"We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat." — George Weasley, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Ron: "Hermione, Neville's right — you are a girl..."
Hermione: "Oh, well spotted."
— Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
"It's lucky it's dark. I haven't blushed so much since Madam Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs." — Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
Ron: "I'm never wearing them. Never,"
Mrs. Weasley: "Fine. Go Naked. And Harry, make sure you get a picture of him. Goodness knows I could do with a laugh." — Ron and Molly Weasley, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
"Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!" — Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
"Oh, HONESTLY, don't you two read?" — Hermione Granger, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
"Ah, yes. Harry Potter. Our new — celebrity." — Severus Snape, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
"Why, dear boy, we don't send wizards to Azkaban just for blowing up their aunts." — Cornelius Fudge, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
"I assure you that if you die, you need not hand it [homework] in." — Professor McGonagall, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
"I shouldn't have said that. I should not have said that." — Rubeus Hagrid, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
“One can never have enough socks.” — Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
“He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo.” — Fred Weasley, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
“It’s leviOsa, not levioSA!” — Hermione Granger, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
“Perhaps it would be more useful if I were to transfigure Mr. Potter and yourself into a pocket watch? That way, one of you might be on time.” — Professor McGonagall, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
"Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn’t mean we all have." — Hermione Granger, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
“Alas! Ear wax!” — Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
“Of all the trees we could’ve hit, we had to get one that hits back.” — Ron Weasley, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
“We’ve been hearing explosions out of their room for ages, but we never thought they were actually making things. We thought they just liked the noise.” — Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
"Why spiders? Why couldn’t it be follow the butterflies?” — Ron Weasley, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
You Might Also Like
