Yahoo LifestyleFunny Christmas Quotes to Keep Your Spirits Bright All Season
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1) Melanie White
"My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge."
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2) Erma Bombeck
"Adults can take a simple holiday for children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name."
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3) Garrison Keillor
"A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together."
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4) Wendy Cope
"Christmas, here again. Let us raise a loving cup; Peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up."
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5) Kin Hubbard
"Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit."
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6) Andy Borowitz
"Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard."
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7) Will Ferrell, "Elf"
"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear."
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8) Kin Hubbard
"Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas."
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9) Shirley Temple
"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph."
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10) Jerry Seinfeld
“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.”
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11) Johnny Carson
"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other."
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12) Larry Wilde
"Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall."
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13) Bob Phillips
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus."
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14) Victor Borge
"Santa Claus had the right idea. Visit people only once a year."
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15) Bernard Manning
"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included."
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16) Author Unknown
"Christmas is a race to see which gives out first—your money or your feet."
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17) J.K. Rowling
"One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books."
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18) Maya Angelou
"You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."
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19) Melanie White
"Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp."
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20) Winston Spear
“I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.”
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21) Bridger Winegar
“I hate the radio this time of year because they play 'All I Want For Christmas Is You' like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.”
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22) Matt Groening
“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. You know, the birth of Santa?”
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23) Conan O'Brien
"There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?"
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24) Melanie White
"A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day."
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25) Johnny Carson
"Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas."
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26) Julius Sharpe
"The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes."
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27) Andy Borowitz
"Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help."
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