20 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (May 14-20)

Kelsey Borresen
·4 min read
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Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow the married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life.

Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.

Like those celebrities who only wear an outfit one time, but it's my husband using a new cup every time he gets water

— meghan (@deloisivete) May 16, 2024 ">

I'm making pumpkin bread and my husband just walked into the kitchen and said, so concerned, "you're baking. Are you depressed?"

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) May 16, 2024 ">

“You’re not entirely wrong.”

- Me refusing to admit my husband was right

— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) May 14, 2024 ">

My wife calls me Iron Man. Not because I’m rich, handsome and charming like Tony Stark, but because I iron all her clothes. And the fact that I’m a man.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) May 17, 2024 ">

My husband is out of town, but the cupboard doors are still open, so now I have to face some cold hard truths about myself

— meghan (@deloisivete) May 20, 2024 ">

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 20, 2024 ">

Me: Someone really wants to see my boobs.

Husband: Who?!!

Me: The hospital sent me another reminder to schedule my mammogram.

— Hollie Harris (@allholls) May 17, 2024 ">

My wife and I setup a blow up movie screen in our yard together for a movie night tonight and we're still married.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) May 19, 2024 ">

Happy to report that I've achieved my goal of annoying my husband twice as much this year!

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) May 16, 2024 ">

My husband, describing our fixer upper, “when it’s raining outside the house, it’s also raining inside the house.”

— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) May 15, 2024 ">

My husband asked if I could iron his shirt like he doesn’t even realize the dryer has been doing the ironing all of these years.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 14, 2024 ">

I'm not saying my wife shops on Amazon a lot, I'm just saying the notification, "A shipment has arrived" is now burned into the screen of my Echo.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 19, 2024 ">

[accidentally doing something that my wife finds very annoying but also slightly amusing] ok, well time to make this a key feature of my personality for the next three months minimum

— Steven (with a ph) (@SJKSalisbury) May 19, 2024 ">

Wife: Did you hear what I said?

Me: No, I was in a different room.

Wife: If you couldn’t hear me, why did you let me keep talking?

Me: …

— John Lyon (@JohnLyonTweets) May 16, 2024 ">

I didn't feel like cooking, so I told my husband the water will be off in our building until 8:00 PM, so we’ll have to go out to dinner tonight. Lies are totally acceptable when they include margaritas.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) May 14, 2024 ">

Ok, so Wife made fun of me for trying to harmonize at the Ludacris concert…

…what can I say, once a choir boy, always a choir boouuyy.

— fundy (@funderlaw) May 18, 2024 ">

My husband has now taken to standing directly behind me in the kitchen rather than in front.

— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) May 15, 2024 ">

My husband just told me that shopping at Aldi without bags isn't called freeballing and I should stop saying that

— nice things I say to myself (@meantomyself) May 14, 2024 ">

Marriage is fun because your husband can get mad at you for NOT wanting to waste money on something you absolutely don’t need

— Bird Eckler (@Birdeckler) May 17, 2024 ">

My husband woke me up with coffee & said, “Let’s go to Lowe’s.”

And that’s romance after 25 years.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 18, 2024 ">

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