People Share Dating "Red Flags" That Actually Aren't A Huge Deal To Them, And I Want To Know If You're On The Same Page
When we're talking about dating, we tend to use the phrase "red flag" as an indicator that someone may make an unhealthy partner. But as the phrase "red flag" is used more and more frequently, it can sometimes become a disqualifier for any potential partner with a trait we just don't like.
Reddit user u/UnforgivenPonyo recently asked, "What do people consider a red flag that isn’t one?" Here are a few examples that I want to know if you agree with:
1."Not having a big social media presence. Some people just like living in the real world, it's not a bad thing."
2."Someone looking for a relationship. I’m not talking about uncomfortable desperation but just a person who is actively interested in finding a partner and open about that when dating. That should be a huge green flag but nine times out of ten, it’s perceived as desperate or willing to settle. They’re not the same thing."
3."When someone says that they don’t drink alcohol. Everyone assumes a past drinking problem. It's crazy how we as a society say that is a red flag!"
"Even if it is a past drinking problem, someone who's faced up to it and taken back that control has my respect. It wouldn't put me off at all."
4."Having friends of the opposite sex. It's insane to me just how many people genuinely believe that this is impossible because clearly, sex must always be part of the equation (assuming you're straight)."
5."Going to see a therapist/psychologist when needed."
6."Not responding immediately/not wanting to text all day long. Some people have jobs where they can’t (or shouldn’t) be on their phones, or have different schedules. Or just don’t want to be on their phone all the time. I feel like this is a discussion to have early on, especially if it’s setting a boundary about phone use and response time."
7."Not being close to your family."
8."Not wanting to go out all the time. Some people think you’re trying to hide from someone. Sometimes, I don’t like the world, it’s annoying. I'd rather stay home and cook."
9."Being 'clingy.' Now ACTUALLY being clingy and overstepping boundaries IS a red flag. But these days, a lot of things that are perceived as clingy are just people showing genuine interest as opposed to trying to 'play it cool.' Just my opinion, though."
10."Being a virgin, for whatever reason."
11."Still living at home with parents as an adult. There can be many reasons, like some people are carers for a relative, which I think is very admirable. It doesn't automatically mean they are some socially stunted loser playing video games in the basement."
12."If you've never been married by some certain age."
13."Little to no past relationship experience is one I've heard. I don't name red flags often, but I knew a few people some time back who thought that was one for some reason."
14."Having an odd hobby like sword fighting or cosplay."
15."Suggesting separate checks on a first date or in the early stages of dating. Personally, I don't see it as a big deal because it's understandable to not want to spend money on someone you barely know and I feel like it's just easier, with fewer expectations for each person. I'll let them do it if they REALLY want to but I'm not going to expect someone else to pay for me when they barely know me."
