17 Chronically Online People Who Need To Touch Grass, For Christ's Sake

BuzzFeed
·2 min read
25

I'm not trying to call anyone out, but some of y'all definitely spend a little too much time online.

Kenan saying, "Who? Me? No!"
NBC

Don't get defensive! I love the internet, too. But I think it's about time we all go outside, smell the flowers, and touch some grass.

GIF of a unicorn bending down to touch some grass
Chubbiverse

Before you do that, though, why don't you make yourself feel better by looking at these 17 people who need a strong dose of reality even more than you:

1.This woman who thinks the sky is a TikTok background:

"how did you add the clouds background!?"

2.This person who's having nightmares about getting canceled for spilling juice:

"I was the juice spiller. my follow count was plummeting..."

3.This person who watches too much porn:

"You are living in a fairytale world if you think otherwise"

4. This kid who thinks an internet urban legend is reality:

My son asked me tonight before bed if “back rooms” were real and, if you are not currently a parent of a child who watches youtube you have no idea the mistake I made in saying yes.

— Hank Green (@hankgreen) August 6, 2023

Twitter: @hankgreen

5.This guy who discovered trivia and made a friend because his video game wasn't working:

"Overwatch 2 launch failing so hard this guy went outside instead and made a friend"

6.This Tinder programmer:

"hey you! I see you like being outdoors. Is everything okay?"

7.This person who made a sweeping generalization about men who don't like cats:

"Someone said, 'men who don't like cats are red flags."

8.This person who tried to bring their toxic Twitter vibes to Tumblr:

"this is EXACTLY why we don't have follower counts. my god"

9.This person who apparently has never seen a human being before:

"Why are white people the only race that can't have brown eyes, when other races only have brown eyes?"

10.This girl who cosplays as a vampire online:

"One of my classmates called me a vamphobic slur today so I bit her hand."

11.These people who are using "gender" as a synonym for "cool":

"yes it's very gender"

12.These people who have verified badges on their houses:

A verified badge on a house

13.This guy who thinks feminism is women saving men:

"For example, some feminists in Russia were helping men flee the country to avoid conscription."

14.This gamer who only sleeps two hours a day:

"As a Fate fan, I can confirm all of us are chronically online."

15.This person who thinks having a car is a negative personality trait:

"this is what being chronically online does to a mf"

16.This person who thinks being told to "touch grass" is a fascist sentiment:

"please go touch some grass"

17.And finally, this person who only touches grass in a video game-themed way:

"Violetgrass"