17 Screenshots Of Men On Dating Apps Whose Audacity Really Ruined Their Chances Of Ever Getting A Date
Hey, beautiful people! I'm Hannah, and I cover a lot of lifestyle content on the site, and I especially enjoy writing about relationships, sex, love, and dating.
As someone with a bittt of experience on various dating apps, including Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and Raya, I've seen it all. Plus, I'm in my mid-20s and dating in New York City, so you can imagine I've got some stories, some opinions, and certainly some grievances.
So, how did we get here? Well, I asked you, members of the BuzzFeed Community, to send me any dating app messages, bios, prompts, etc. that you've come across and wanted some ~unfiltered feedback~ on. Whether we need to identify some red flags, analyze messages, or call out and dismiss creepy behavior, I'm here! Without further ado, here are my brutally honest reactions to the screenshots you sent me:
1.This active imagination:
My thoughts: As soon as I saw "SantaCon," there were some festive red flags flying for me. Then, when he said he actually didn't go out, I have to admit, I got excited. I stay in my neighborhood bubble and off the streets when SantaCon rolls around every year. So, I was almost with him, I really was. But, then he ruined everything by saying "nipple." LEAVE NIPPLES OUT OF THIS! WE WEREN'T TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING NIPPLE-ADJACENT. It was just such a painful segue, and in that moment, I saw his chance with you disappear into thin air. Not all thoughts need to be turned into WORDS, dude. It's okay to just think some things. Not everyone wants to see inside your head. "Let the boy's imagination wander" actually broke me. What is this, a Disney movie? You expressed your hatred of that line (and your response made me chuckle), and he still tried to play it off and be cutesy with it. No thanks!
2.This one-sided conversation:
My thoughts: I thought he was only in town for a day on business?! Did he come back, or was that just a line he used hoping to manipulate you into an afternoon quickie with zero expectations beyond that? Also, your lack of response made it VERY obvious you weren't interested, so it's such BS he said, "Totally understand if you're not," then proceeded to try anyway. Like, hello? Sometimes NO message is the message. Someone get this dude a hobby or a friend or something. "So you trying to hook up today?" SENT AT 8:34 A.M. on a WEDNESDAY! Bro, please take a shower and eat a nutritional breakfast first before you start propositioning clearly uninterested strangers.
3.This champagne expert:
My response: I do believe it's called Dom* Pérignon. If you're going to be pretentious, please at least know what you're talking about. One little Google search helped me confirm this spelling. I've never had the champagne, but I've also never pretended to. 🤷♀️
4.This hopeful "real human":
Context: "He sent that follow-up, 'Yep knew it,' a week later."
My thoughts: While I have to agree that dating apps can feel a bit like a cesspool; I probably wouldn't say that to someone I was trying to meet on a dating app, especially as my first line. 💀 The whole "amazed to see there is maybe perhaps another real human" is giving "you're not like other girls," and I just caaan't. And, don't even get me started on the "Yep knew it" they sent a WEEK LATER. Having a nice chat with yourself, buddy? Listen, dude: Perhaps your match wasn't feeling your whole "woe is me" vibe, and I have to assume most of your matches aren't taking too well to that opener, or it wouldn't be your opener in the first place, nor would you feel the need to follow up a week later. Sick zinger, bro.
5.This card-carrying member:
My thoughts: GOOD ONE, BRO. Baking is for CHICKS. Television is for CHICKS. Men shouldn't know how to use an oven. Only gentle, feminine creatures can enjoy freshly-baked cookies and cakes. Please mail your man card to 6969 Beta Ave. as soon as possible. Your male privilege is, hereby, revoked. But, in all seriousness, someone tell this fella it's OK to like baking shows. They're delightful.
6.This guy who needs to pump the brakes:
My thoughts: 1. Eww, lol. That's such a sad opener. 2. If you somehow, miraculously, are capable of breaking a bed with what I'm guessing are some very lackluster moves, you better be buying your hookup a replacement bed. But, let's face it: The only thing you're breaking is your own heart by setting yourself up for so much rejection. Sighhhh.
7.This eager reply guy:
My thoughts: That "Okay then?" where he's clearly prompting you to answer/is annoyed you're not answering as fast as he is makes me CRINGE. Then, you're polite and say you're at work and having a busy day, and he STILL doesn't back off and quite literally begs for your attention. You don't know this guy! Why does he immediately think he's owed your undivided attention in the middle of a work day? He had me in the first half, not gonna lie. Those first three messages were seemingly really nice, but then everything spiraled out of control. Also, I don't know your ages, but are grown adults REALLY out here using Snapchat for communication? If I see a dating app profile with a Snapchat username in the bio, or I receive a message that asks for my Snapchat, I run for the freakin' hills. 30-something-year-old men have no business asking for my Snapchat. Grow up.
8.This guy who isn't gonna get laid with this line:
My thoughts: Unfortunately, I also see a lot of responses on straight guys' profiles that are similar to this, and it makes me wonder: Do straight men even like women? Either he's hoping to get a bunch of heated, angry responses from women because that gets him going, or he genuinely thinks someone will swoop in and say, "I'm not like other girls!" and indulge his sad, petty misogyny. Ooof. And, on Hinge of all places! They say it's the dating app "designed to be deleted," and they're right. Clear the storage space on your phone and spare your eyes from having to read any more of these cursed prompts.
9.This nervous question asker:
Context: "My profile says nothing about being dominant or submissive, and honestly, there's nothing remotely sexual about my bio or photos."
My thoughts: Though I appreciate some degree of forwardness on dating apps and think it's helpful for people to express their intentions early on so no one wastes their time, I still hate this mess. Matching with someone doesn't automatically mean you're consenting to a sexual conversation. I didn't see this person's profile, so I do have to give them some grace, though. If their bio says what they're looking for or expresses their intentions and this opener is perfectly in-line with what they laid out, then yeah, that checks out. I'm guilty of swiping without fully reading bios, and that often leads to openers like this. Be mindful of who you're swiping on! Is it right to launch into a sexually-charged conversation without knowing the other party consents? No. But, if their bio says that's what they're looking for, they may see that match as enough of an "OK" to proceed. That's Tinder's vibe, for better or for worse.
10.This lover of alliteration:
My thoughts: I desperately want to know the age of the person that put this, but I also know they have to be over 18 to be on the app, and that's already too grown for this. Do they mean "noods" as in nudes, or "noods" as in noodles? Either way, I'm cringing.
11.This total misogynist:
Context: "On the Hinge profile of a 37-year-old man."
My thoughts: WHAT? 💀 Oh my god. Sooo, what I'm gathering from this is that he's bitter he can't get any women (probably because of his personality), and that bitterness is also breeding *rampant* misogyny. The sad emoji at the end really does it for me. 😔 He's sooo sad!!! God, you just know he self-identifies as a "nice guy" and constantly drones on about how "females never give nice guys a chance." I could probably write a compelling thesis on why I hate this, but you get it. This one really, really speaks for itself.
12.This jokester:
Context: "Not kidding: We were talking about climate change/taking better care of the planet before this."
My response: I can't help but feel like if you had eagerly responded to his "Wanna f*ck?" message, it suddenly wouldn't have been a joke and would've been a totally serious inquiry! He was just waiting for your reaction to gauge how to proceed. I write and tell a lot of jokes, and I can't say I really see how his qualifies as a joke...a good joke, at least.
13.This Oedipal opener:
My response: Someone get Freud on the line; I just want to have a word with him. Men make "mommy" jokes to me all the time because I have big boobs, and it makes me want to violently puke on them and DM their mothers.
14.This group activity:
Context: "Literally men in their late-20s and/or 30s."
My thoughts: Is this what guys do when they hang out together? Sounds like that "game" could lead to some overly-inflated egos, or some severely bruised egos. Absolutely dying at your "avoid avoid avoid avoid" response, though, hahaha. I wonder how many times they got that, or "slap slap slap slap," or if anyone actually indulged them.
15.This Bumble expert:
My response: I do believe that is Bumble's ENTIRE PLATFORM. It's the dating app designed specifically for this reason. I know that it sucks to see matches rolling in but not get any messages. That's especially hard, I'm sure, when you're unable to make the first move. But, I don't think this guy is doing himself any favors with this bio front and center on his profile. Very few women are going to see that and go, "Whoa, I had no idea. I need to message him immediately." Most will probably scoff and just not send a message at all. I know dating apps can be disheartening, but having an attitude on your profile isn't going to help your case.
16.This mystery:
My thoughts: You can just...put your actual age. Or, if you initially put it in wrong and can't change it (suspicious, but whatever), you could at least put the accurate number in your bio. This drives me mad because I know people, men specifically, lower their ages so they can show up for younger women. I see if often! So, he's older than his listed age (38), and he's trying to be cheeky about his little lie. "You will never guess my real age." How about you PUT IT, you freaking weirdo. Ugh. Bad vibes.
17.Finally, this wishful thinker:
Context: "I chose the question and typed my answer first, and this was his reply."
