16 Stories From People Who Got Divorced After 20+ Years That Share What Went Wrong

Getting a divorce isn't an easy decision, be it on your own or as a separating couple.

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Logistically, divorce can be complicated and changes a lot about your everyday life, so much so that some people will stay in marriages out of comfort and convenience.

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The further you are into your marriage, the harder that decision can be. The tradeoff of life as you know it and the unknowns of the future may not seem worth it.

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For all those reasons, you know that when people divorce after decades together, it was no small thing. People on Reddit are talking about what ended marriages of 30 years or more, and here's what they had to say.

1."He left once he met his first love. They had not seen each other for 40 years, but he never got over her; they were married as soon as our divorce was final."

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—u/[deleted]

2."The kids moved out of the house. A shocking number of 60-year-olds have affairs."

3."Had to watch my parents go through the paperwork to get divorced after my dad had a massive stroke and was forced to retire. It was the only way for them to keep the money from his pension AND maintain his health insurance coverage. My parents got a divorce of convenience so pops could make the mortgage payments and get his insulin. Thankfully, my parents' insurance agent is a close friend, and found every possible form and loophole so they could stay in the house together."

"It took almost two years to get everything settled. I'll never forget my dad's statement after it was all done. 'The Church still says we're married, and that's what matters to us. At least now, your mother can still get her hearing aids and pay the mortgage if something happens to me.' I was so disgusted with it all. I never forgave my dad's union for it, and we now make sure someone from our family shows up to their annual open meeting when they discuss the health insurance plan to shame them in explicit detail with how the board fucks over the roughnecks."

4."I worked at a law firm that only practiced family law (divorces, child custody, wills and estates, etc.). At one time we had, like, eight clients getting divorced after 20+ years of marriage, and they were all high-ranking military men whose wives came out of the closet after all their kids had grown up and moved out of the house and the guys were getting ready to retire. I thought it was so weird, but I guess for whatever reason, the women thought that their duties to their husbands and families were coming to an end, and they wanted to live for themselves. I guess I know why they couldn't come out 30 years ago; it was a different time, but I was curious why they were all attracted to military guys? I assume maybe cause it meant their husbands would be away for years at a time during their service?"

5."Therapy changed my mind. After more than a decade of being miserable, I finally got help. When I was able to really talk about my marriage was when I realized that I needed to get the fuck out. At the end of the day, I stayed in a shitty marriage because the thought of ‘being alone’ scared me. Through therapy, I was clued in to how many wonderfully supportive friends and family members I had if I just reached out to them. I wasn’t going to be in a relationship anymore, but I wasn’t alone either."

6."Started dating at 17, got married way too young. By our 30s, we were completely different people. At 40, I asked myself, 'Can I do this for the rest of my life?' and realized the answer was no. We both have new lives now, and eventually, each found new partners and are much happier. I think the second time around, especially when you're older, you know exactly what you want and what you are or aren't willing to put up with."

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—u/gristmill

7."My mom left my dad on their 30th wedding anniversary — he had been in and out of rehab three times at that point and could not commit to quitting drinking. She couldn’t stay and watch him drink himself to death anymore."

8."I was married to a wonderful woman for 27 years. One daughter, a perfect little family. Then, I had an affair, and it broke her heart. We are still good friends, and I see her at least once a week, but I wish I could go back and undo the terrible damage I did. Now, I'm 60, I live alone, and all I have left are memories and regrets."

9."My parents got divorced because of my dad. We grew up in a military family; dad was always deployed. My mom is a walking medical disaster, no offense to her. RA at 23, endometriosis at 24, got a hysterectomy and everything. They married early, and had kids really early because of endometriosis. My mom tried to cater to my dad, make sure he could still live his life in his 20s because they had kids earlier than expected."

"Well...being deployed all the time meant my dad could just fuck around with ladies off in other places. My mom stayed home and took care of us. Dad gets a divorce when he gets back, and gets remarried three months later. That lasted, like, two years before she got her green card and ditched him. My mom still loves him despite him moving onto his third marriage, having another kid, and never actually paying his portion of child support. So, pretty much they got divorced so my dad could have a younger, more subservient wife."

10."He was a serial cheater. The straw that broke the camel’s back was my then-15-year-old daughter having a panic attack and being hospitalized over the guilt she felt for keeping his secret. He had been having an affair with a married woman for a year and had been taking our kids with him to play 'house' with her and her kids while her husband was out of state for work in the oilfield. He was using his dying grandfather as cover by claiming to be staying overnights in the hospital with him so he wouldn’t be alone and that he was taking our kids with him so they could go home with his mother and get to spend time with their grandparents on that side."

"He threatened our kids and guilted them into keeping it a secret until my daughter just couldn’t handle it anymore. She told me. He called her a lying bitch and a stupid whore, and when she ran to her bedroom to get away from him screaming at her, he chased her and kicked her bedroom door down to get at her for telling. I put him out of my house immediately and divorced him."

11."A large part of it was the dead bedroom. Constant excuses for lack of sex. Part of it was trust issues that came from finding emails that spoke of plans to get away to see another guy. She swore it wasn't anything, but people around me kept telling me that they thought she was cheating. The final moment came when I was honest about having lunch with an old friend (female). Nothing happened between us, but home became hell. Everything I did had to be approved — including who I associated with. I was miserable and finally came to grips with the fact that I just couldn't do it any longer."

12."My grandparents got divorced a few years ago after 20 years of negotiating their divorce in court. They were married for about 50 years, but they separated after 30 years, and they took 20 years of court battles until the divorce went through. Also, it turned out my grandpa is gay, but my grandma never found out until after they had separated."

13."We were just never good partners. We didn't fight. We didn't scream or yell or have a lot of emotional issues, but we just didn't work well together. We had a kid after dating for only a few months. We tried to make the family thing work, and I think we did an okay job at it for 20 years, but we really weren't a couple. After seeing my mother and father celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary, and my mother walk behind my deaf 85-year-old father and say under her breath, 'I hate that man,' I decided I didn't want to hit 50 years of marriage and be in the same boat."

14."We were high school sweethearts, been together for 28 years. I found out her 26-year-old kid wasn't mine, that she cheated on me nine times, and to top it all off, she lied about her cancer situation. She set up a GoFundMe page; she got $2,000 out of that, $4,000 out of the church, and $10,000 out of me to take her on her dream vacation. Found all this out within the last year. It was the most depressing time of my life, but now I'm much better. I hope she burns in hell.🔥👺"

15."Not me but my parents. I was 37, with two kids. My brother was 39. So, my parents were married for over 40 years. My mother started talking to someone online, and they convinced her that we were all terrible people and making her life miserable. She left, effectively abandoning her entire family. Three years later, my dad dies, and she shows up wanting her part since he never changed his will. We (brother and I) didn’t care. Over the years, family members I seldom speak to would tell us how we’d regret not staying in touch with her, but they just didn’t get it. My mother, my kids' grandmother, abandoned us. She walked out without a goodbye or a fuck you. Nothing."

"Fast-forward, and I’m a grandmother now, and I can’t conceive the notion of leaving any of my kids. My son wrote to her on FB telling her of his family and of a baby being born, and never heard a thing from her. I can’t express how angry it made me. Not necessarily on my behalf but for my kids. They were close to her. They would spend time with her, playing cards and having a fun time. For that, I cannot forgive her. So, I guess she not only divorced my dad but her entire family. It fucked us all up. We learned she died this year, and maybe it’s awful, but none of us shed a tear. She burned so many bridges, and she could have called, but she chose not to."

16."Not me, but my parents. 30+ years of marriage and my mom goes off and has an affair with a man she knew from elementary school (they were in, like, fifth grade together back in the '60s or '70s). After this came out, it also came out that she had an affair when my dad was being treated for cancer in what was probably the worst few years of our lives. My dad actually wanted to wait and see if he could forgive her, but after a year of being separated, my mom started the divorce proceedings, bought a house, and moved in with the elementary school guy. They let us know they were getting divorced via email, and it was finalized last December (they didn’t tell the kids it was finalized, we had to ask)."

What do you think about divorces in relationships as long as these? Have you known someone who has experienced this? Talk in the comments!