I am a parenting editor and a mom. This means that all day, every day, I read about how to raise better children, and then go home and mess with my own. You know, it's all fun and games until the therapy bill arrives! In full acknowledgment of how little my advice will help any parent out there, I've decided to stick to letting the wonderful experts on this site tell you what to do, and give you this handy picture guide on what to DON'T:
Why did you bite that boy? Why did you hit your sister? Why is there spaghetti in your ear? Why am I asking you a question you can't possibly answer in any way that will make me feel better? Oh yes, because it's easier than accepting the idea that I am in charge of a tiny lunatic.
DON'T Be Surprised By The Number Of Things That Can End Up In Your Toilet
This includes shoes, spatulas, cell phones, small animals, keys, and a whole eggplant that looks an awful lot like a human head to your middle-of-the-night eyes.
DON'T Be Surprised By The Number Of Things That Can NOT End Up In Your Toilet
Number two, for example, can occasionally end up in your purse.
DON'T Assume That Repeating Directions Increases Their Likelihood Of Being Followed
More importantly, DO NOT assume that repeating directions increases their likelihood of being followed.
DON'T Over-Explain Adult Situations
"Sorry, honey. Mommy is just in a bad mood because she doesn't understand why she chose to make a living on the Internets. And taking out a second mortgage to fund your preschool appears not to have been the prudent thing to do. And wow, your sitter is expensive! That noise? Oh, that's just Daddy weeping through the wall."
DON'T Say, "Let's Wash Your Hair!"
This is akin to saying, "Let's put this large needle in your eyeball." If you really feel like you have to warn your toddler about the upcoming sudsing, consider something relatively benign and tangentially related, like, "Let's put this large needle in your eyeball."
DON'T Wear A Short Skirt To A Toddler Birthday Party
You know that fantasy you have about being unintentionally violated by giddy elves? Yeah, me neither. To read the rest of the list, click here.
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