There's a special place in hell for people who brag about how they don't need a lot of sleep. For the rest of us insomniacs trying to get enough and totally failing, sleep deprivation is its own special form of anxiety-ridden, zombified torture. This is what every person who can't sleep knows to be true:
1. When you lay down, you mind is more awake then it's been all day. It's officially time to replay every single conversation you've ever had and worry about every potential thing that can ever go wrong because that's super productive.
2. Looking at the clock only makes it worse. Oh great, you've been lying in bed for two hours already and feel exactly 0% sleepier.
3. You've run out of things to watch on Netflix. That may sound impossible, but you've tried just about everything out of boredom. You can always restart The Office for the 14th time?
4. Beds are actually really uncomfortable. Sheets? Scratchy. Pillows? Lumpy. Pajamas? Restricting. All your fidgeting is guaranteed to drive your bed partner crazy - if they haven't banished you to the sofa already.
5. And your room never feels dark enough. That tiny crack of light from the hallway is SO DISTRACTING.
6. You're really good at doing mental math: "If I fall asleep right this second, I can get exactly five hours and 47 minutes of sleep."
7. Waking up after only a few hours is always the worst. Now you get to worry about whether you'll actually fall asleep all over again. It's almost as bad as when you're about to doze off and then a noise wakes you back up again - real fun.
8. You're so tired during the day, all you want to do is nap. It's a miracle you don't fall asleep at your desk more than you already do.
9. But you also know that naps only make going to bed harder. To sleep now or not sleep later, that is the question.
10. Your health tracker hates you. As if you didn't already know that you're failing at sleep in pretty much every way, here's an app and 10 notifications to remind you. I would get more sleep if I could, Fitbit.
11. Caffeine is your best friend and you're practically married to coffee. Going without is not an option.
12. Constantly snacking is the only other way you can stay awake. Just give me all the carbs and I'll be fine.
13. People always tell you you look tired and/or sick. Um, that's just my face. There's no amount of concealer that can fix this, but thanks.
14. The answer to "Have you tried ..." is always yes. Melatonin, warm baths, hot milk, lavender, meditation, sleep masks, white noise, counting sheep - whatever it is, you've been there, done that.
15. When you actually do get a good night's sleep, there's nothing better. So that's what it feels like to be rested.
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