14 Years Into Perimenopause, Gabrielle Union Sometimes Goes to the Bathroom to Cry
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A quick survey of 30-something women I know shows that they are not so concerned about menopause, which women hit, on average, at age 51 and a half. But many women in their 30s are thinking about fertility: They’re done having kids, still having kids, want to eventually have kids, or want to know when they can be through avoiding pregnancy so they can move on with life. They might not even realize that FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) levels play a part in that.
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Actress Gabrielle Union first got a full blood panel without even totally understanding what “full blood panel” meant, and definitely without knowing it measured FSH. “As they were going through all the results, they were like, ‘And just FYI, your FSH level is so high that you would be considered perimenopausal,’” she remembers. She was 37.
Even a reading like that, Union cautions, doesn’t mean a death knell for a woman’s fertility — you can still get pregnant during perimenopause. “It’s just information that you may need to factor in,” she says. In her case, by the time she was ready to have a baby she needed the help of fertility specialists to diagnose her adenomyosis, something she wishes had been caught much earlier since it makes keeping a pregnancy difficult. As she sees it, her miscarriages and heartaches were results of two larger trends: Black women going unheard when they voice medical complaints, and no one getting enough time with a doctor to understand their holistic health.
“You can easily be dismissed as an angry Black woman. ‘You’re just a bitter woman, you’re just a bitch,’” is how she describes the feelings she got from others initially when she’d describe being depressed and anxious. “There’s no regard to there being a physiological change happening.” That’s even though science shows that Black women often experience menopause earlier and with more severe symptoms.
She also hates that insurance mandates that doctors spend only minutes with each patient. If she had her wish, doctors would be able to spend enough time with women that they could get to the root of every problem and not just slap a Band-Aid across their largest symptoms.
Union did eventually welcome her daughter with husband Dwyane Wade, Kaavia, via surrogate. Now 51-year-old Union is mom to a 5-year-old and 14 years into experiencing perimenopausal symptoms. (“They say it can last 10 years,” she laughs ruefully — because clearly, it can also last longer.) “The more I talk about it, the more I build community so people don’t feel alone. I want to share as much as I can,” Union says.
Her most life-changing remedy has been to go on an anti-inflammatory diet, largely avoiding gluten and dairy, but Union admits that it can be costly and not a lot of fun. She’s also learned to simply tell people, even her family, what she’s going through, what she calls “radical transparency.”
“I try to give people as much information as I’m aware of,” Union says. She’ll announce to the household that, “I’m about to be upstairs listening to some Phyllis Hyman in the bathroom and I’m just going to cry for a little bit and I need this to be okay with everybody.”
They know “to give mommy a little space so I can be a human being and just deal with things,” Union says. She jokes that Wade will ask, “Is this a Hollywood thing or is this like a physiological thing?’” and she’ll joke, “It’s a physiological thing with a dash of Hollywood.”
Her main point for other women: Menopause is coming for all of us. We’d better talk about it. “The more you hide it, the more anxiety you have. And you cut off the option for empathy and understanding if you don’t tell the truth.”
Union is partnering with Clearblue to get the word out about the Clearblue Menopause Stage Indicator, a $20 over-the-counter test she’s excited about since it can help women catalog their own symptoms. The kit, which a woman uses over the course of 10 days to get a reading of FSH levels through urine, is just one piece of the puzzle; users also track symptoms they have in the free app so they are armed with information about their health. They can then bring a comprehensive list of facts to their doctor. (And I think we all know that no ob/gyn has time to sit down with us and start from scratch mapping out some of the 34 symptoms of perimenopause in a hunt for a larger pattern.)
For women going through perimenopause and menopause, Union wants them to know: “There’s nothing wrong with you. Your heart is still beautiful and pure. You’re still lovable and sexy.” And finally, no matter your age or cycle stage, don’t be afraid of tracking health information and taking care of yourself. “Because you’re not alone,” she stresses.
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