Which of the 13 Most Annoying Types of Cyclists Are You?
We’ll be the first to admit it: The Bicycling crew can be incredibly irritating on group rides. From borrowing your last tube—to regaling you with our 17-part dissertations on the potential outcomes of disc brakes in road racing—riding with us can be a mixed bag of fun, camaraderie, and occassionally frustration, because we just won’t shut up about bike parts.
But we're not alone—many cyclists out there are similarly gifted when it comes to getting on others' last nerves. Join us as we take a brief spin through the 13 most annoying cyclist archetypes to ride with, many of which were nominated by Bicycling staff members who closely identify. Which one are you? And what would you add?
The Excuse Machine
Always went too hard the day before. Or doesn’t feel good. Or has a hangover. Announces plans to keep things easy and then drills it.
The Gear Snob and his nemesis, the Anti-Gear Snob
One gets a new bike every season and won’t talk to you if your Zipp 404s aren’t the latest Firecrest edition with blackout graphics. The other is on an ancient Motobecane and won’t talk to you at all, except to point out that he hasn’t even bought new tires since the last time LeMond won the Tour, and yet he can still beat you up the climb. (But when he doesn’t, he blames his gearing.)
The Desperately Unchicked
Mortally afraid of being passed by a woman. Will do anything to stay in front of them on a group ride, even if it means pulling off the road and faking a mechanical. See the Cat 6 Rider.
Related: What Not to Do Before Your Next Group Ride
The How Many More Minutes Alarm
Needs to know exactly how much longer the ride is going to be from the minute the ride starts so she can decide when to eat, how much to eat, and when to start feeling like it's time to be done. Claims to love adventure.
The Half-Wheeler
Always a few inches ahead of the riders next to her, pushing the pace on a group ride. (If people stop talking and start breathing when you hit the front of the group, this might be you.)
The Chronically Unprepared
Shows up to the ride with a flat tire. Needs a gel, or a fiver, or a spare tube, or chamois every week. Can’t seem to get that they can attain these things in advance themselves.
The Cat 6 Racer
Attacks at yellow lights. Sees everyone else on the road as a potential competitor. Determined to set the KOM for every protected bike lane.
The ‘Gram Addict
Has to record every moment of every ride so it can be stamped with 40 different #hashtags #about #bikes. Otherwise, did the ride even happen?
The Constant Yapper
Has a lot to say and a frustratingly endless lung capacity with which to say it. More focused on the yammering than the hammering, but still somehow hard to drop on climbs.
The Over-Helper
You should eat more. Want me to check your tire pressure for you? Sure you don’t want a push up that hill? Here comes one anyway! The Over-Helper is hard to shake—particularly if you’re a beginner.
Related: The Right Way to Encourage a Struggling Rider
The Over-Helper’s sidekick, the Coach
“Elbows out, lower gear, more power, eyes up, butt back, go, go, go!” The Coach is an endless font of unwanted advice.
The Drill Sergeant
Hand signals don’t convincingly convey risk of imminent demise. The drill sergeant prefers to holler news of cars—both those coming from behind and oncoming—as well as the smallest of road hazards. Will also role-call-yell ride members’ names to make sure everyone is still with the pack.
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