122 Mom Jokes That Are Way Funnier Than Dad Jokes
We rounded up the funniest mom jokes that Twitter, Reddit, and Tumblr had to offer. Keep on scrolling for the most hilarious jokes that every mom can relate to.
And follow the accounts that made you laugh so your Twitter feed will be even better!
1.
My kids always beg to go to sleep 15 minutes before bedtime. What's my secret? That's when I make them do chores.
2.
My husband bought harmonicas for our kids and now I need to find a new family
3.
My 5yo said she was bullied at camp. But when I asked for more info, it turns out she kept asking if it was snack time or lunch and they just kept telling her no.
4.
I taught my kids to answer spam phone calls with "Housekeeping, you want mint for pillow?" and then told them to sing "Fat guy in a little coat" until the caller hangs up, just in case you're wondering what type of parent I am.
5.
I’m just a mom, standing in my kid’s room, asking why there are fruit snacks on the ceiling
6.
Before having kids I expected to be sleep deprived for the first year, maybe two years tops. I was wrong. So so wrong.
7.
*On a family walk*7yo: I'm waiting for you to catch up!Mama: Well I'm waiting for you to "mustard".Not funny? I guess you "mayo" heard that one already. 😬#MomJokes #DadJokes
8.
No one told me that having toddlers would make my house spot clean only.
9.
Pls pray for my son. He has an eye condition that makes it impossible for him to see when the kitchen bin is full & needs emptying.
10.
I used to sneak out of my parents house to go drinking. Now I sneak out of my kids room to go sleep.
11.
In a house with 1,000 bathrooms your kid will only be willing to use the one you’re in, there is nothing you can do to prevent this
12.
What do you mean the project is DUE TOMORROW?!- a parenting memoir
13.
Nothing makes kids hungrier than telling them it’s bedtime.
14.
I'd like you to meet my chidren or as I like to call them, "your problem now."~Me dropping my kids off at school.
15.
[phone rings]ME: HelloMOM: It's your mom.ME: I know, I have caller ID-MOM: I was just calling to let you know that I texted you.
16.
17.
did you get the job?"i don't know yet"when will they tell you?interviewer: "keith can you please ask your mum to wait in reception"
18.
19.
"Textured walls are super chic right now. I'm so on trend!"-me, noticing the dents my kids left in the drywall
20.
I'm glad I bought my son a cute summer wardrobe so he could wear the same Super Mario t shirt for 23 days in a row.
21.
The coolest thing about my kids not liking Life cereal is that they have no clue that box is where I've been putting the good chocolate.
22.
Kids 20 years from now: Mom, where's my baby book at?Me: Check Twitter
23.
I really needed my epidural to last through the toddler years
24.
The hubs was being a turd so I gave my kids Nature Valley Granola Bars to eat in his car while they ran errands
25.
Having kids involved in sports is fun if you like coming home & making dinner at 10pm.
26.
My 4yo is in complete shock after she found out her uncle is my brother.
27.
Mom confession #482: Sometimes I go to the drive-thru with my kids just so I can park and eat a hot meal while they’re restrained.
28.
I was putting my 6yo to bed and she looked at me kind of sad and said “I wish I could go back to being 5”Me too kiddo, me too.
29.
How kids find their mom: Yell her name repeatedly until she responds How kids find their dad: Find mom & ask where dad is
30.
31.
My 4-year-old gave me an apple slice. I ate it. She smiled. She smiled too much for my liking, but the apple tasted fine. I don't think this need further investigation. Case closed. I don't need to know.
32.
Times my kids have to pee:-chore time-homework time-2 minutes after getting in bed-anytime we're nowhere near a toilet
33.
My kid does this cute thing where she puts things in the laundry that aren’t even dirty. I then do this cute thing where I teach her to do her own damn laundry.
34.
Stages of kid’s speech: 1.Babbling 2.Words 3.Sentences4.Minecraft5.Yo mama jokes
35.
36.
The money I save on diapers I now spend on my teen’s car insurance.
37.
Before I was a parent I never knew assembling kids toys required so much adult language.
38.
At what age do kids stop putting empty cereal boxes back in the cupboard?It’s not 19.
39.
Felt like wallowing in self pity today so I asked my 6 year old how old you had to be before you were considered old. She said 28.
40.
That time my son brought home the award for sweetest camper and my heart swelled, but when I looked closer it said sweatiest. My son won the award for sweatiest camper.
41.
Why is my son playing his recorder at 7am? I feel like this is my punishment for talking back to my mom.
42.
43.
My kid: Don’t compare me to other kids, it doesn’t make me want to be betterAlso my kid: Eva’s parents got her $300 sneakers, 5 iPhones, and a Swarovski-encrusted water bottle, you suck
44.
I need to buy a teacher gift that says, "I'm sorry my son hit you in the face with a shoe."
45.
How many pumps of soap is needed and could you tell my kid it’s not 79?
46.
I asked my husband to hand me my birth control while he was up and he brought me one of our kids instead. Well played
47.
My son: what does willpower mean?Me *with a mouthful of breakfast doritos*:
48.
Working from home full-time with kids home for the summer that are too young to have jobs, but too old to go to camp is some next level fuckery.
49.
Overheard my husband telling our toddler, “I love you but don’t make me insane”, as if that hasn’t already happened
50.
Never seen a cage fight but one time I did buy only 1 Costco fountain drink for my 2 kids to share so I get the gist
51.
My daughter in the alcohol aisle of the grocery store: OH GREAT WE’RE BUYING MOM JUICE AGAIN
52.
Is it just a mom thing like I cringe at the thought of splurging on something for me but if its 4 baby or my hubs I'm all 4 it. anyone else?
53.
Not to brag, but I found a way to take a shower. It involved 4 snacks, 2 tablets and 3 baby gates. But hey, I'm clean! *kid pukes on me*
54.
The kids are staying at their grandparents’ house for a few days, and I think I literally just heard my house breathe a sigh of relief.
55.
I know one of my kids core memory is gonna be of me walking around the house eating a bag of Cheetos wearing only my mom underwear and a nursing pillow that I also use as a snack tray
56.
My teen and I are in this new phase where I mention a famous actor and she says “Who’s that?” and she mentions a famous actor and I say “Who’s that?”
57.
Back to school shopping with my kids is just me saying, "CAN YOU ALL GET ALONG FOR 5 FREAKING MINUTES?" until I'm crying.
58.
I'm kind of a big deal...to my kids.
59.
Comment from discussion FlagMaster32's comment from discussion "Reddit, if there are dad jokes, what would a mom joke be?".
60.
61.
A fun thing about having teens home during summer break is that they only require 2 meals a day because they don’t wake up until lunch.
62.
My teenager is hanging out with me. How long until he asks me for something?
63.
64.
Petition to put a lounge area into the Target toy section
65.
My 5yo told me she can only poop if I’m sitting next to her and I don’t think I’ve ever felt more important.
66.
67.
If you’re moving and your dog starts licking a box, do not yell “hey, stop licking the box” in front of your teenagers. Trust me.
68.
My daughter was pissed at me this morning and threatened to tell me the Wordle answer, so obviously I'm raising a savage monster.
69.
Comment from discussion marquecz's comment from discussion "Reddit, if there are dad jokes, what would a mom joke be?".
70.
I put my symptoms into WebMD & it turns out I just have kids.
71.
No one wants your attention more than a kid in the back seat of a vehicle you're driving while you're trying to locate an address.
72.
I had a 2 hour zoom meeting and my kid baked this monstrosity at 214degrees for 15 min
73.
Comment from discussion bashfulapple's comment from discussion "Reddit, if there are dad jokes, what would a mom joke be?".
74.
If my kid could fight crime they way he fights sleep he’d be friggin Super Man
75.
Kids are weird because I can say something like, “this garbage really stinks,” and they’ll get in a fight over who gets to smell it first.
76.
Me: don’t touch the glass, I just cleaned itMy kids: my only goal in life is to make sure this glass door is full of my fingerprints…and even my face, if I can manage it
77.
I need a YouTube channel that shows how to do common household repairs while a child says “Hey Mom” every 20 seconds.
78.
Why do my children think they can talk to me in the morning
79.
Legend states that the moment the moon rises and your eyelids become heavy enough to close, a small child will immediately appear in an emergent state of dehydration
80.
Comment from discussion Cheerful-Litigant's comment from discussion "Reddit, if there are dad jokes, what would a mom joke be?".
81.
I thought I'd sleep better if I stopped drinking, but what made the real difference was turning the baby monitor off.
82.
Give a kid a marble and he'll play for a day, give a kid a box of marbles and your house will look like a scene from Home Alone for the rest of your life.
83.
Comment from discussion poopellar's comment from discussion "Reddit, if there are dad jokes, what would a mom joke be?".
84.
Every morning toddlers wake up and choose chaos
85.
86.
Me: *goes to bed extra early to catch up on sleep*5yo: *wakes up extra early to catch up on mommy time, apparently*
87.
Parenting is hard. One day your child might ask you to spell Massachusetts.
88.
Being on vacation with kids is just yelling at them in a different city.
89.
Comment from discussion Kitty_D's comment from discussion "Reddit, if there are dad jokes, what would a mom joke be?".
90.
Them: what’s it like to parent a toddler?Me: imagine if sitting down and silence were illegal
91.
Be kind to everyone you meet for you never know who got woken up at 3:20am by a kid who was “just not tired”.
92.
Newborn babies and new mothers start their journeys in much the same way: wearing a diaper and crying at all hours of the night.
93.
There’s a name for when your life becomes a series of mini nervous breakdowns throughout the day. It’s called being a mom during summer break.
94.
me: I just need one relaxing day at home.my kids: yeah, we don't serve that here
95.
Comment from discussion wobr-J's comment from discussion "Reddit, if there are dad jokes, what would a mom joke be?".
96.
I tripped and my kids gave me a golf clap. Their smart assery is on point.
97.
My family went camping & left me home alone, like I'd be missing out. Oh please, don't leave me home with electricity & running water.
98.
My oldest: Frozen 2 is coming out in 2019! Yay!Me: What’s it going to be called? Well Thawed Out? Her: Mo-hommm!#badummtsss #seewhatIdidthere #momjokes #thekidhasittough@SaketKulkarni
99.
Honey, the Kids Shrunk Our Bank Account- coming to theaters this summer, probably
100.
My kid systematically checks me for weaknesses like the velociraptors in Jurassic Park testing the fence
101.
I've never lost one of my kids for more than six hours so I guess you could say I'm pretty good at parenting.
102.
Pretty sure my kids have secret meetings where they plan to like the exact opposite foods just to mess with me.
103.
104.
My toddler pretended to leave for work this morning with no pants and a lunchbox full of mini donuts so my question is where do I apply for this job
105.
Bedtime is just a series of me saying I love you with progressively more rage.
106.
My 5-year-old, "how bout we go to Target. You get yourself a drink or whatever you want and buy me a toy." She knows how to work the system.
107.
McDonald’s forgot the chicken nuggets in my daughter’s happy meal and she said “well I guess this is a sad meal now”
108.
"A fart is like a little portable weapon that no one can take away from you," and other things my 9yo says out of the blue.
109.
Nobody told me parenting would involve footprints on the ceiling.
110.
My kid says "of course" a lot for someone with only 4 years of life experience
111.
Ok, so I slept when the baby slept. Now I'm just waiting for the baby to do laundry.
112.
Parenting tip: Only hike as far as you can carry all your children. I know this now.
113.
My toddler said "I feel drinky" and yeah girl, same.
114.
My 5-year-old once told me that she can't be nice to everyone all the time because it hurts her energies. I think about this a lot.
115.
My kid told me that she was very upset and crying at daycare and they made it all better by giving her food, and I have never felt closer to her
116.
I’m just a mom, standing in front of her child, trying to convince them to go to the activity they convinced me to sign them up for.
117.
Love dropping 200 bucks at the zoo so my kids can lose their shit when they see a pigeon.
118.
Kid: We never have anything good to eat! Me: Go shake your car seat out.
119.
Parent pro tip: Beware of the child who cleans their room without being prompted. They are about to ask to borrow money.
120.
“Ooof no dragons” -My child’s scathing review of the book I’m reading
121.
My daughter lost a tooth today and asked if the tooth fairy was going to bring her $5 so I think it’s safe to say that not even the tooth fairy can escape this inflation.
122.
I really miss my kids being young, not because of their cuteness, but because I used to tell them that things were closed when it was raining, and they believed me.
This article contains content from Asia McLain, Stan Shunpike, Krista Torres, and Remee Patel. It was compiled by Kelly Rissman.
