11 Types of Grief and How to Cope With Loss
Medically reviewed by Kathleen Daly, MD
Grief—defined as deep anguish or sorrow—occurs after you experience the death of a loved one or the loss of something important. Usually, the grieving experience can cause a variety of emotions, such as anxiety, sadness, confusion, remorse, regret, and yearning. You may also find yourself obsessively dwelling on the past or feeling apprehensive (or, nervous) about the future.
In some cases, extreme grief can even become life-threatening. Grief may lead you to engage in self-neglecting behaviors or have suicidal thoughts. Losing someone or something important is often a challenging and painful experience. But, it's important to remember that support is available as you navigate loss and embark on your healing journey.
Types of Grief
Understanding how grief can manifest is an important way to address your grief in a healthy and productive way. It's worth noting that everyone grieves differently and there's no "right" way to grieve. In fact, there are several types of grief that you might experience—all of which can look a little different.
Normal Grief
Many people who are grieving experience normal grief. However, all kinds of grief can be experienced by anyone. During normal or uncomplicated grief, it's common to experience an array of emotions such as sorrow, numbness, anger, and guilt, among others. But, gradually, these feelings can ease and they are able to accept the loss and gently or slowly move forward. Normal grief often occurs after the following instances:
Death of a family member, friend, or pet
Breaking up with a partner
Getting a separation or divorce
Experiencing a change in your financial state or well-being
Losing a job
It's important to note that celebratory events (such as graduating from school or getting married) can also cause symptoms of normal grief. This is because a sudden life change can also trigger a change in your emotional well-being.
Complicated Grief
About 10% of people who are grieving will experience complicated grief. This type of grief makes it challenging for a person to adapt to the loss of a loved one. The intensity of grief symptoms usually doesn't decrease even months after losing a loved one. People with this type of grief often experience difficult thoughts about the loss of their loved one. They may avoid anything that reminds them of their loved one or think that the loss did not have to happen the way it did.
Anticipatory Grief
People experience anticipatory grief when they are expecting an upcoming loss. They may feel symptoms of grief as they foresee the loss they will experience in the future. Anticipatory grief may occur in situations such as:
Getting a diagnosis of a terminal illness
Signing divorce papers
Moving far away from home
Addressing end-of-life care for a loved one
Disenfranchised Grief
This type of grief is not usually socially acknowledged, accepted, or mourned. Unfortunately, these types of losses are often considered less significant or important. Examples of disenfranchised grief can look like:
Losing a pen pal or an online friend
The death of someone you never knew
A loss that is not related to death, such as losing possessions or your independence
Miscarrying a baby or having fertility concerns
The loss of a loved one was imprisoned or died by suicide or overdose
Collective Grief
People experience collective grief when a tragedy affects an entire community or large group. This type of grief is common after major natural disasters, terrorist attacks, or a pandemic. The death of a public figure as well as a mass shooting also may lead to collective grief.
Absent Grief
Absent grief is a form of complicated grief where the person does not show any signs of distress despite losing a loved one. Experts believe that this type of grief is due to denial or avoidance of the reality of the loss.
Exaggerated Grief
Exaggerated grief occurs when a person experiences more intense reactions than what you would typically see when someone experiences a loss. This type of grief may cause someone to participate in self-destructive behaviors, have suicidal thoughts, experience frequent nightmares, or cope with loss through substance use. People experiencing this type of grief often need more support than someone experiencing normal grief.
Chronic Grief
Chronic (or, long-term) grief is another subtype of complicated grief. With this type of grief, the grieving person experiences ongoing and intense feelings about the loss of their loved one. Chronic grief usually does not improve over time.
Delayed Grief
When someone experiences a delayed reaction to their loss, such as shock or denial, for months or even years afterward, this is referred to as delayed grief. As a form of complicated grief, a person with this type of grief may avoid activities related to their lost loved one and may remain detached from family and friends. It's also common for people experiencing delayed grief to throw themselves into their work or fixate on projects to keep themselves busy.
Silent Grief
When someone’s outward behaviors or emotions seem unaffected, despite deep inner struggles and pain, they may have silent grief—sometimes also called masked grief. Typically, people with this type of grief attempt to hide any signs of sadness behind false happiness. Their goal is to not tell or show others what they are truly going through.
Prolonged Grief Disorder
For a small group of people, intense feelings of grief persist for an extended period of time and often significantly interfere with daily life. An estimated 7% to 10% of grieving adults will experience the persistent symptoms of prolonged grief disorder. This condition may cause depression, numbness, loneliness, intense distress, or suicidal thoughts.
Looking for support?
If you are experiencing a crisis, or know someone who is, call or text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 for free and confidential support 24/7. You can also visit SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for a list of additional resources or call the number below to reach Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) hotline.
What Can Trigger Grief?
When most people think of grief, they associate it with the loss of a loved one. But, there are several other factors that may cause you to grieve. Keep in mind: no matter what loss you're experiencing, it's normal to grieve. Your feelings are valid and important.
The following events may warrant grieving:
Divorce or end of a romantic relationship
Death of a pet
End of a friendship
Loss of a job
Diagnosis of an illness
Miscarriage
Loss of financial stability
Moving or relocating
Entering retirement
Dealing with a loved one's illness
Experiencing a traumatic event (e.g., gun violence, police brutality, natural disaster, war, etc.)
Becoming an empty nester
Symptoms
Experiencing grief is a normal and healthy reaction to loss. However, it looks different for everyone. Some people will experience grief intensely while others will seem to breeze through it.
When you are grieving, you might experience a whirlwind of emotions ranging from helplessness and hopelessness to anger and aggressiveness. You may even notice changes in your appetite, mood, energy levels, and sleep habits. Although no one experiences grief in exactly the same way, here are some other potential symptoms of grief:
Emotional symptoms: Anxiety, blame, fear, anger, depression, denial, confusion, guilt, irritability, numbness, sadness, shock, loneliness, and/or yearning
Behavioral symptoms: Crying spells, aggressiveness, loss of interest in activities, restlessness, and/or sleep disruptions
Cognitive symptoms: Difficulty concentrating, disbelief, confusion, preoccupation with what was lost, and/or hallucinations
Physical symptoms: Fatigue, shortness of breath, dizziness, rapid heartbeat, headaches, weight loss or gain, and/or heaviness in the throat or chest
How to Cope With Grief
Coping with grief involves gradually learning to accept and live with loss. For many people, this means grieving in your own way and in your time. After all, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Some people might grieve by staying busy while others may prefer talking about their feelings. It's worth noting that it might take some time to figure out what works best for you. That said, it's also important to be flexible in how you cope with the loss and be patient with yourself as you grieve.
Keep in mind: grief is not a problem nor is it something you should be ashamed of or try to hide. Instead, recognizing your grief, acknowledging its effect on you, and learning to cope with your feelings and emotions is vital for your physical and mental health.
If you are looking for practical ways of coping with your grief, researchers have noted that people who find meaning in life after a loss are more likely to adapt. It also can be helpful to connect to things that are important to you. Doing so can help you learn to co-exist with the pain that accompanies grief. Here are some additional strategies for coping with grief:
Talk about your loss: Discussing your loss with someone you trust gives you the opportunity to process your thoughts and feelings and make sense of the events that took place. Meanwhile, avoiding the issue can be harmful and lead to isolation, which can disrupt your healing process.
Acknowledge your feelings: Grief can be a complicated experience that causes a wide range of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Acknowledging your feelings—and accepting them— can help you understand and process grief. Remind yourself that what you are feeling is valid.
Create a routine: Having things in your life that are predictable—and that you can control—can provide a sense of comfort among the uncertainty that grief brings. From your sleep schedule to your eating habits, it can be helpful to your recovery to establish a routine and stick to it.
Practice self-care: Eating nutritiously, participating in regular movement or activity, getting enough sleep, and engaging in stress management techniques (e.g., yoga or meditation) goes a long way in boosting and protecting your mental and physical health. Grieving is not an easy thing to go through and it can take a toll on your body. Make sure you are taking steps to protect your health and well-being.
Honor your loved one: Looking for ways to honor your loved one, preserve their memory, and celebrate their life, can help you process your grief. Some ideas include creating a memory book, planning a celebration, printing out photos of your time together, or making art.
What Types of Support Are Available?
When it comes to finding support for your grief, it's important to rely on your loved ones—such as your family and friends. Additionally, many hospitals, churches, and community organizations offer grief support groups—which can be particularly helpful in allowing you to process your grief experience with others who are going through the same thing.
If you are experiencing grief and want to find a mental health provider for professional support, you may also contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for information on how to receive care in your area. Additionally, the Association for Death Education and Counseling (ADEC) maintains a list of counselors certified in grief counseling that you may consider reaching out to.
While support groups are often available in local organizations, you can also check out GriefShare, which hosts weekly group sessions and events throughout the world. Meanwhile, Grieving.com and Grief in Common provide opportunities to virtually connect online with others who are grieving.
When to Contact a Mental Healthcare Provider
Even though it is normal to experience a wide range of emotions when you are grieving, it is important to be aware of the warning signs that may warrant support from a professional. If you feel like your grief is disabling and interfering with your day-to-day activities, it may be useful to talk to a mental health provider. Other signs of reaching out for professional care include:
Engaging in self-destructive behaviors
Refusing to make any changes to the room or the belongings of the person you lost
Having anxiety or depression
Experiencing suicidal thoughts
A mental health provider can help you navigate your feelings, offer you tips on how to cope with loss, and make a plan on how to support you on your healing journey. You can find a mental health provider by looking at online directories for therapists or psychologists in your area or asking your primary care provider for a referral.
How to Support Someone Who Is Grieving
When you care about someone who is experiencing grief, it can be challenging to know what exactly to do or say to show your support. You want to provide comfort and verbally tell them that you are there for them. Here are some other ways you can show your support:
Offer to listen: Sometimes what a grieving person needs most is to talk about how they are feeling, their lost loved one, or how the loss happened. Give them a safe place that is free of judgment to share what they are thinking and feeling.
Make yourself available: Be patient with your friend or family member and let them know you are there for them. Check in with them often, even if they are not ready to talk. Just knowing you are available if they need it can be comforting for them.
Assist with practical tasks: Grief can cause people to feel overwhelmed or stuck. One way to provide practical support is to help in actionable ways. This might include offering to run errands, go grocery shopping, babysit, prepare meals, do laundry, or make phone calls.
Respect their process: Everyone grieves in different ways and there is no right or wrong way to do it. Try not to fix them or push them to grieve in a specific way. Instead, love and support them where they are in the moment.
Refrain from giving advice: Resist the urge to tell a grieving person what they should and should not do. Instead, offer your support and allow them to grieve in a way that makes sense to them.
A Quick Review
Grief usually manifests as intense sorrow following the loss of someone or something important. Yet, no two people experience grief in the same way. In fact, there are multiple types of grief—each causing different emotions, behaviors, thoughts, and physical sensations.
To cope with grief, it is best to acknowledge your thoughts and feelings and take steps to process them at a speed that is comfortable for you. And, if you are experiencing challenges or feeling stuck, there is support available. Not only can mental health professionals assist you, but you also may find that support groups are just what you need.
The key is that you do not ignore your grief or isolate yourself from others. With a concerted effort, you will gradually learn how to continue living your life in spite of your pain and loss.
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