100 Scarily Funny Halloween Tweets From 2018–2022 That Went Super Viral

STOP using Halloween as an excuse to dress slutty - dress slutty every day

— toxic king (@777jorgeivan) October 27, 2022

Heard a rival dad is planning to hand out king size candy bars for Halloween so now every trick or treater that comes to my house is getting a full rack of ribs.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 26, 2022

Gay Halloween costumes are like "oh this? I'm the scarf Mira Sorvino folded at the end of Romy and Michelle"

— Jäsón‽ (@yaesohn) October 30, 2022

They were tryna put dude out the bar last night for dressing like Jeffery dahmer, but come to find out bruh just looked like that

— Sesame Chiccen (@Loccdawggg) October 30, 2022

pic.twitter.com/PV9Stf6FCc

— Justin Fleece (@justinfleece) October 26, 2022

pic.twitter.com/ub89mWOaCp

— pride and prejudice archive (@pandparchive) October 29, 2022

Don't forget to set out weed and video games for John Carpenter tonight

— Kenny Keil (@kennykeil) October 30, 2022

My sister told me a guy dressed as Michael Myers for a 3k today. Slow walked the entire time and finished dead last. There are few things I respect more than full commitment to the bit.

— Brian 'Seasonal' Collins (@BrianWCollins) October 30, 2022

Donating blood to spirit Halloween tomorrow

— pj (@pjayevans) September 18, 2022

This the hardest Halloween costume 😭 Im high as hell looking at it pic.twitter.com/prCxtjcR8T

— ͏  𝕏 (@imnotgonebehere) October 30, 2022

I don't have to worry about my kids TP'ing houses on Halloween because apparently none of them know where the spare rolls are.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 30, 2022

(friend who didn’t get invited on the blair witch project trip) ah jeez that’s awful. tragic. and you found all their footage? so did they ever like.. explain why they could only bring 3 people in a car that seats 4 or like

— sword gf (@punishedgarage) October 29, 2022

My first grader wants to go to a haunted house. Not a pretend one, a real one. "I want to fight a ghost," were his exact words.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 27, 2022

I love Halloween in NYC. I just got in a strange man’s car in my underwear and we’re both acting like it’s a completely normal night.

— CORINNE FISHER (@PhilanthropyGal) October 30, 2022

just overheard someone on the train ask another passenger where they got their elf ears because they the perfect “sort of weirdly shaped but weirdly realistic pair” and folks, they were not elf ears

— 🦋🌸Gimme the Lute🌸🦋 סלע (@moontwerk) October 29, 2022

pic.twitter.com/YKLBZIjx7Z

— Out Of Context Drugs (@OOCdrugs) October 30, 2022

Time to get hyped up on cold brew and go fight some bitches at Home Goods for Halloween trash.

— Boulet Brothers (@bouletbrothers) August 26, 2022

Some people go to Vegas to gamble. I order my kid a costume from China hoping it will arrive before Halloween.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 18, 2022

Halloween in 2021 be like :#SquitGame #Halloween pic.twitter.com/R3FtUMrCDt

— Kaylene (@Lfcqueen21) October 14, 2021

my parents are fighting bc my mom was letting a big spider live in the kitchen window bc he’s “perfect for halloween” and my dad killed it

— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) October 6, 2021

I dressed my dog up as Trent Crimm, The Independent for Halloween.#TedLasso @TedLasso pic.twitter.com/cSuCMEleQc

— Edmund Hanlon (@EdmundHanlon) October 20, 2021

Every year im so excited for halloween to come around and then i end up doing nothing

— folake aina (@f0lake) October 19, 2021

I finally have enough money to get the expensive outfits at the top of the Spirit Halloween costume wall, I’m about to ask an employee to get one of their finest clothing hooks

— sarah schauer 🦂 (@sarahschauer) October 21, 2021

Just finished putting up my Halloween decorations: pic.twitter.com/4OvDMDXgPc

— Roshan Rinaldi (@Roshan_Rinaldi) October 9, 2021

check your kids halloween candy. my cousin found the assassination of archduke franz ferdinand in sarajevo by serbian nationalist gavrilo princip inside a snickers bar pic.twitter.com/3EgySLKapD

— ret (@rad_milk) October 18, 2021

y’all make sure to check your kids candy this halloween. my son came home with lil nas x’s debut album “montero” in his lollipop pic.twitter.com/fDcadSbdBm

— d. (@mschunti) October 13, 2021

the two types of halloween decorations are “it would be cute if ghosts wore sneakers” and “if i knew i could get away with it here’s how i’d torture somebody to death”

— caleb (@calebsaysthings) October 21, 2021

The greatest halloween tweet of all time imo pic.twitter.com/mIyQoD43z2

— fredesque (@FredTaming) October 9, 2021

“i don’t really like halloween” 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

— Vincent Martella (@vince_martella) October 12, 2021

If you ever feel like you missed your chance in life, just remember that Hocus Pocus, a Halloween movie, was released in July, no one saw it, and now 20 years later every drag queen is dressed like Bette Midler from Labor Day to Thanksgiving Eve. Your time is coming beloved 🖤

— R. Eric Thomas (@oureric) October 14, 2021

Of course Halloween is scary, people knock on your door. It could be anyone

— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) October 20, 2021

halloween hit different as a kid in canada, frozen half rotted pumpkins and a neon winter coat over our costumes what the hell were we even doing

— Village Person (@SvnSxty) October 11, 2021

"It's cool guys, I came up with a name for our Christian Halloween" https://t.co/HdRvUzmd0n

— 💀 damned sinker 💀 (@dansinker) October 13, 2021

stop asking me what ima be for halloween ima be high

— bri (@4kbri) October 14, 2021

Going all out for Halloween 🎃 Wonder what the neighborhood thinks😱🙀😳🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃 pic.twitter.com/6KBCxHmRqy

— KittyLuvsHorrorAlot🐱💀🌱 (@kittyLuvsHorror) October 14, 2021

Everyone talks about how bad social media is for your mental health but what about seeing Christmas decorations in stores before Halloween?

— Jesus Fucking Christ 🌈 (@SHEsus__Christ) October 14, 2021

Guys I’m too excited to wait for an after picture...look at my Halloween apple pie 👻🥧 pic.twitter.com/qdazkwRPae

— mariposa (@maraissupertall) October 5, 2021

Cracked a little but still a beauty pic.twitter.com/AhCLupdYus

— mariposa (@maraissupertall) October 6, 2021

BREAKING: Copywriter Going With "No Tricks, Just Treats" Again This Year For Client's Halloween Ad

— ADWEAK (@adweak) October 7, 2021

this year for Halloween i am dressing up as Scout as a Ham from To Kill a Mockingbird and no one can stop me pic.twitter.com/vBLfboSBbu

— oof (@chadwifeyeet) October 7, 2021

pic.twitter.com/FeX2V4kZOM

— Rob (@RobSummer) October 6, 2021

for my scariest Halloween look this year I’m just gonna paint 2020 on my head and call it a day, honestly.

— NikkieTutorials (@NikkieTutorials) October 2, 2020

Dressing up as a covid denier for Halloween is easy. You don’t even need a mask.

— Justine Stafford (@JustineStafford) October 9, 2020

Sure, trick or treating is off the table, but that doesn’t mean Halloween is cancelled. My child and I will he celebrating the old fashioned way, by burning an artisanal pentacle into our floor and summoning spirits from the netherworld

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) October 19, 2020

This house in my neighborhood every year nails Halloween decorations. pic.twitter.com/eX19mACqUv

— Gelly Bean (@funangela) October 18, 2020

lol not to flex but I can guess what you’re gonna be for Halloween this yearsingle

— .. (@idkjaybo) October 18, 2020

cashier: what do u want to be for halloween?me: happy cashier: i was talking to the kid behind youme: ok

— John (@yojohnwhatsup) October 21, 2020

My Halloween costume arrived! pic.twitter.com/psobRQ4eqO

— Steve Martin (@SteveMartinToGo) October 14, 2020

my 4 year old daughter wants to dress as a cat for Halloween and I'm trying to explain to her that Ruth Bader Ginsberg would be better for my Instagram metrics but she's acting like the spreadsheet doesn't even matter despite the data being very clear

— Adam Liaw (@adamliaw) October 15, 2020

A little girl just started crying at my Halloween decorations. I know the emotion I should be feeling isn’t pride but 😂🤣

— Kari Byron (@KariByron) October 14, 2020

My mother has truly produced the pumpkin of our era. pic.twitter.com/P6V4ixMRw7

— Alex Barnard 🇺🇦 (@avb_soc) October 19, 2020

can’t believe halloween finally being on a saturday will consist of me sitting at home in a costume alone and probably crying

— bea (@beamiller) October 3, 2020

Why my neighbors already have a giant skeleton in their front yard in september pic.twitter.com/3SdVnb4G9C

— EX Falchion (@ExFalchion) September 22, 2020

I’ve decided to give my collection of condiment packets out for Halloween. Polynesian sauce for the best costume.

— Lecrae (@lecrae) October 29, 2020

There’s a lot of talk about Halloween and Spooky Season but not enough talk about the scariest time of the whole year: Dudes Who Think Wearing Shorts When It’s Cold Out Is A Personality Trait Season.

— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) October 5, 2020

Maybe if i dressed up as Iced coffee for Halloween, she’ll post me on her story

— Arslan (@thega1nz) October 5, 2020

plz stop tagging us in your “Sexy Hamburglar” halloween costume pics

— McDonald's (@McDonalds) October 29, 2020

When I was in preschool I went to school dressed as a witch for Halloween, but got scared of myself at snack time and had to be picked up and taken home. This is also my whole personality.

— jen curran (@jencurran) October 4, 2020

Winona Ryder owns the month of October for her iconic Halloween roles pic.twitter.com/WjKszRsUw5

— moved accounts (@blxxdyvvitch) October 3, 2020

sure Spirit Halloween is only open one month out of the whole year but you can’t say that they don’t pick the best month of the year for that kind of business to be open

— slick (@dlicj) October 5, 2020

everyone's like "oh it's october 1, time to prep for halloween!" you fools. you absolute morons. prep time is over. you are too late. now it b e g i n s

— sab ✨ (@shirewitch) October 1, 2019

me: *hits spider web down with broom*spider: wow me: *puts up fake spider web decorations for Halloween*spider: WOW

— ؘ (@SpookyGothLoser) October 5, 2019

my bf is 6’2 i’m 4’9. he said he wants us to be sully and mike wazowski for halloween smh where’s the eject button

— angelina aint got pounded in a very long time (@sidelicioussss) October 1, 2019

day 87 without sex: went to halloween horror nights so I can remember what it's like to have a man make me scream again

— jasminericegirl (@jasminericegirl) October 10, 2019

Ranking the best Halloween candy:1. Reese’s2. Snickers 3. Sour patch kids 4. Twix 5. Milky Way 6. Kit Kat7. Skittles 8. Starburst 9. Butterfinger 10. Babe Ruth .. 56. Licorice ...99. Clorox Bleach ....176. Candy corn

— Iowa Chill (@IowaChill) October 8, 2019

Wife: how do we explain Halloween to the kids?Me: they put on a mask and ask strangers for candy.Wife: but we said NEVER accept candy from strangers.Me: we’ll tell them one day a year it’s ok.Wife:Me: it’s like the Purge but for Children.

— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) October 5, 2019

Yeah I get Halloween is coming up but why would you pay $28 to go to a haunted house when you can log into Canvas and get scared for free?

— Nicholas Tom (@natom06) October 7, 2019

what the signs will be on Halloween Libra- emotional Aries- high as fuckTaurus- unappreciated Gemini- aloneCancer- ?????Leo- unlovedVirgo- full of candyScorpio- brokeSagittarius- yesCapricorn- questioning self worthAquarius- workingpisces- busy

— eternal (@SAD4NORZN) October 21, 2019

What I bought online for What actuallyHalloween arrived pic.twitter.com/jDEqHAPRG5

— Netflix Philippines (@Netflix_PH) October 21, 2019

really excited about all the dudes who are going to dress as the joker for halloween parties and not get laid

— Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) October 18, 2019

being a copywriter for a halloween costume company seems like a cool gig you just sit around all day trying to come up with names like “jovial murder clown” or “glasses orphan warlock”. what a life!

— america's lounge singer (@KrangTNelson) October 21, 2019

Wife: pick a Halloween movie to watch.Me: Harry Potter.Wife: that’s not a Halloween movie.Me: then why does it have witches?Wife:Me: and spells.Wife:Me: and flying broomsticks.Wife: pick another movie.Me: fine. Harry Potter number 2.

— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) October 20, 2019

one time I was out on halloween and there was a guy wearing a fake moustache and a priest collar and I asked him "are you someone in particular or are you just moustache priest?" and he said "just moustache priest" and I said "cool"

— whit (@whitneyarner) October 1, 2019

[Halloween party]Winnie the Pooh: *dressed as Paddington* dude! 🥺Paddington: *dressed as Winnie* DUDE! 🥺🥺🥺

— Michael Tannenbaum (@iamTannenbaum) October 21, 2019

7-year-old: Trick or treat?!Me: It's not Halloween. And this is your own house.7: Are you giving me candy or not?

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 22, 2019

halloween is my favorite holiday because you can trespass on a stranger's property and make a non-negotiable demand without getting in trouble

— McNasty (@McNasty) October 3, 2019

There's no age limit on trick or treating. You can knock on my door with a martini and a smoldering Pall Mall in your old-looking hands and I'm gonna give you a Snickers. Happy Halloween.

— Troy Johnson (@_troyjohnson) October 25, 2019

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm clearly Sloth from "The Goonies." Let go of me!" pic.twitter.com/zYUrH9kO5F

— Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) October 7, 2019

I momentarily forgot it was Halloween so I got a bit of a fright when I went to the toilet at a pub and Dracula was stood at the urinal 🧛🏻‍♂️

— Phil Lester (@AmazingPhil) October 28, 2018

Just gave my next door neighbor a giant bag of candy to dump in my sons trick or treat bucket on Halloween so I can go home after one house.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) October 30, 2018

New Mom: I bought my kids’ Halloween costumes back in August! Well-seasoned Mom: That’s cool. I take my kids shopping on October 31st so they can’t change their minds 800 times.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 3, 2018

some lady dressed as catwoman is walking around our halloween party just knocking drinks off tables

— Grant Tanaka: Honky (@GrantTanaka) October 29, 2018

ghost: boo-me: is that supposed to scare me?ghost: -mers are writing laws that ensure they'll protect their wealth until they die but at the cost of completely fucking over the next generationsMe: 😮

— the hype (@TheHyyyype) October 29, 2018

s/o to the me in the alternate universe where I have halloween plans I hope I look hot

— aidan (@AIDAN) October 26, 2018

I think I'll complete my cat lady transformation by giving out cough drops on Halloween.

— Stephanie Sparkles (@SSparklesDaily) October 20, 2018

[After spending 4 weeks making a costume for Halloween]This is so worth it for a Snickers mini.

— Lord James Alvarez (@ObscureGent) October 30, 2018

Can’t believe it’s 2018 and venturing into a forbidden library still causes an unknown force to extinguish your candelabra

— Mave (@MavenofHonor) April 23, 2018

My toddler is going to be the Hulk for Halloween and I'm really proud of him for finally realizing he has anger issues.

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) October 28, 2018

me: *ringing up 85 boxes of chocolate*cashier : haha getting ready for Halloween are we?me: cashier:me:cashier:me: what?

— alyssa (@ly_ssa_l) October 10, 2018

my neighbor put a "go away" sign in their window and I can't tell if it's a halloween decoration or just a big mood

— korey kuhl (@koreykuhl) October 10, 2018

idea for haunted house: dimly lit grocery store sprinkled with people you haven't talked to since high school

— paperwash© (@PaperWash) September 5, 2015

Best costume of the night is the 3 year old dressed like bacon who keeps walking up to people and saying “bacon.”

— Alex Zalben (@azalben) October 31, 2018

i am never fooled by halloween costumes. you’re not really a fireman. firemen aren’t real

— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) October 31, 2018

me watching everyone have fun and post their Halloween outfits while I’m at home because I have no friends pic.twitter.com/Ts6nBGyGy7

— Kyle (@kylenom) October 28, 2018

I came home from work last night to my girlfriend cooking me dinner and surprising me with date night 😍 I love halloween pic.twitter.com/SkzOdVzwQ0

— ziggy stardust (@twatterlily) October 25, 2018

Me: What do you want to be for Halloween?2-year-old: Me.No way. Too scary.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 11, 2018

"Halloween makes me not wanna have daughters" ya ok I'm sure your mom's really proud of you throwing your body off the roof of a house to land on a table and smash it at a darty, Jake.

— kait (@kaitmack3) October 30, 2017

tbh the scariest thing about halloween is the increase in office candy

— Lauren Katz (@Laur_Katz) October 11, 2018

Instead of saying “boo” for halloween, say something much much scarier like commitment or college tuition.

— Fall 🍁 (@seasonaIvibes) October 9, 2017