How to Answer Those Awkward Questions About Your Love Life This Thanksgiving
Ah, the holidays. The time of the year when you have to pretend you like the ugly sweater your grandma gifted you, and you’re forced to entertain your uncle’s politically incorrect conspiracies about the government. So. Much. Fun.
But what might be the worst part about the holidays? Let's be honest: It's the endless stream of questions from your family about your love life—and it pretty much happens regardless of your relationship status.
So whether you’re single (I prefer the term “self-partnered”) or in a LTR, spending time with family over the holidays pretty much guarantees you’re going to be harassed about your love life. Luckily for you, we’re here to put an end to all of that majorly cringe-worthy BS. For every horrifically awkward family situation re: your love life, here’s how to deal:
You’re single and your family won’t stop asking when you’re finally going to get a S.O.
“Explain to your family that finding someone is less of a ‘when’ issue, and more of a ‘who’ issue,” says couple’s therapist Gary Brown, PsyD. (Yes, Aunt Tonya, it is possible I want to be single). Assure your family that they would rather you be by yourself this Thanksgiving, than bring a dude home who hogs all the mashed potatoes. Duh. So, “cap it off by telling them you love them and know they wouldn’t want you rushing into a relationship just because you’ve been single for a while,” adds Brown.
You’re single and your family is *obsessed* with setting you up.
If you’re cool with it, go on the dates! Who knows? Maybe Alice’s doctor's grandson will be cool. But if you don’t want to be set up, it’s time to set some healthy boundaries: “If you are not fine with them trying to set you up, simply tell them to stop. Like, really stop,” Brown says. “Let them know that you appreciate their good intentions, but that you are beginning to feel the pain of added pressure to have to be in a relationship.”
You’re fresh off a breakup and your fam won’t stop asking Qs.
As awk as it may feel, be straight-up with your cousin and tell them that talking about the breakup just makes you too sad. “Simply thank your family for asking, but also let them know that each time they ask, it only creates more pain for you,” Brown suggests. “If they persist, let them know that you will simply not respond with silence. Hopefully, they will get the message.”
You’re introducing your new bae to the family for the first time.
“Timing is important,” Brown says. If you decide that the holidays really are the perfect time to introduce your partner to your fam, then the best thing you can do is chat with both your fam and your partner beforehand.
“Try to give them—and your partner—a brief overview of the people who may be there when they meet for the first time. This helps pave the way.” Additionally, check in with your partner beforehand to see what they need from you while they’re there to ensure that they’re as comfortable as possible.
You’re meeting your partner’s fam for the first time.
Chill. The. F*ck. Out. “Let your partner know what your needs are in advance,” Brown suggests. “It might be helpful to get a sense of how his family has responded to prior girlfriends… or are you the first one they will meet? What are your expectations of how you would like things to go? What are your partner’s hopes for the first meeting with his family?”
Everyone keeps asking when you’re getting engaged. EEEEK!
Ugh, the worst. “Tell your family that every time they ask, you just feel pressure—and it is becoming painful to see or hear from them, knowing that you are likely going to be interrogated,” says Brown.
If they keep pestering you after you’ve nicely told them to stop, then Brown says it’s time for setting boundaries again. He suggests saying something like this: "If you keep asking me when I've told you not to, then I am simply going to not respond at all and change the subject or simply withdraw into another room."
Your family keeps bringing up your ex in front of your new partner.
Even if your partner does say they’re cool with them bringing up your ex every two seconds, Brown says: “You need to be sure that they are actually open to this, and not trying to be a people pleaser.” TL;DR: Give your family some things that are off limits to talk about beforehand, like: your exes and that one time you peed your pants in middle school.
You’re at your partner’s family’s place, and they’re having major family dramz.
Alright, the good news: You’re there because you’re your S.O.’s partner, not a family therapist. Stay out of it. "It’s best to keep quiet in these situations, but if you’re really nervous about it, strategize with your partner before heading to their place for the holidays," says Brown. “Have a plan with your partner as to how the two of you may want to deal with these situations,” he adds.
You're sort of seeing someone, but aren't ready to tell your fam yet.
So, you’ve been dating this new person for a few months now and things are definitely starting to get serious, but you’re not exactly ready to tell your family yet. You feel sort of guilty for keeping this secret, but the timing just does not feel right. This is totes fine! “You can simply tell them when you're ready,” he says. “There's no hard and fast rule about this. Follow your instincts and trust yourself to know when you are ready.”
You Might Also Like
