10 Things This Woman Wishes She'd Known at the Height of Her Eating Disorder

Renee Cherry

In case you missed it, today marks the end of NEDA's National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. This year's theme, "Come as You Are," was chosen to spread the message that body-image struggles and eating disorders don't look one certain way, and are valid no matter what.

To add to the conversation, blogger Minna Lee wrote an Instagram caption to her past self. "While I wouldn't wish this upon anyone, I am thankful to be the person I am today who grew stronger and learned so much about herself because of her eating disorder," she wrote. Here, 10 things she knows now that she says she wishes she'd known at the height of her eating disorder.

things I know now that I wish I could've known at the height of my eating disorder: · ✦you don't have to be at your rock bottom to seek help. ✦more people than you realize struggle w/the same things as you. ✦other people don't get to decide how you feel about your body. YOU do. ✦you don't need to qualify for an eating disorder- there is no such thing as not sick enough. ✦you WILL miss out on being able to fully enjoy your accomplishments + happiness if you keep thinking you're fine when you're not. ✦your outside appearance has nothing to do with how sick you are. ✦no, it's not normal to feel you are about to have an anxiety attack when in a bathing suit. ✦people don't see those stretch marks + dimples like you do. and if they do...how does that make your life any worse? ✦making yourself physically smaller does not make you bigger or better in any aspect of life. ✦fitting in those pants literally makes no difference in your life, other than the fact that you fit into some pants you really don't need to be in. ✦sexy is a state of mind. anyone who feels different about you-- you don't want their mind or body anyway. ✦your eating disorder is not the enemy-- make friends with it. it's just you, asking for help and to pay attention to what's really going on beneath the surface. ✦if food or exercise feels like a reward or punishment, it's time to take care of your mind. ✦therapy will not just save your life but expand it in a way you don't yet see in this darkness. ✦you deserve to feel absolutely blissful in your own skin-- but even feeling neutral is utter freedom from where you are. so start there. ✦don't be afraid to talk to your friends + family about your boundaries while you're recovering. ✦you are not your eating disorder. ✦stop trying to fix yourself. you are not broken. ✦no, your eating disorder and/or your body getting to where you want it to be is not going to solve all your problems. _____ happy #NEDA week to my fellow warriors ❤️ while I wouldn't wish this upon anyone, I am thankful to be the person I am today who grew stronger and learned so much about herself because of her eating disorder. · #nedawareness #eatingdisorderrecovery

A post shared by m i n n a l e e (@livingminnaly) on Feb 28, 2019 at 6:16am PST

1. "Your outside appearance has nothing to do with how sick you are."

Eating disorders are mental illnesses and don't always have the same physical effects. They don't affect one specific group, which can be a harmful misconception. For example, men with eating disorders are at a higher risk of dying, as they're often diagnosed later because people associate EDs with women, according to NEDA. Part of the messaging behind the association's "Come As You Are" theme is that not everyone who suffers from an eating disorder looks the same.

2. "People don't see those stretch marks + dimples like you do, and if they do...how does that make your life any worse?"

Answer: It doesn't.

3. "You WILL miss out on being able to fully enjoy your accomplishments + happiness if you keep thinking you're fine when you're not."

In a previous Instagram post, Lee listed out some of the things she missed out on because of her eating disorder and other insecurities. She recalled things like "lunches with friends that are a hazy memory because all I could obsess about was how little or much I was eating," and "standing on the podium after winning a skating competition, unable to celebrate the moment because I could only think about not fainting, having not eaten all day."

✋stop selectively loving yourself 🛑 by doing so, you are selectively choosing to rob yourself of some of the sweetest moments and things life has to offer. my eating disorder and other insecurities robbed me of so many memories in my life: -lunches with friends that are a hazy memory because all I could obsess about was how little or much I was eating. -not letting myself be fully enveloped in a hug because heaven forbid, they feel the softness over my bra strap. -standing on the podium after winning a skating competition, unable to celebrate the moment because I could only think about not fainting, having not eaten all day. -relationships + intimacy I ran away from, because who could love the ugly darkness I hid deep within? -trips to the beach or travels I have no photos of because I ran from the camera whenever around. -not being able to sit and watch a movie with someone's arms around me, because a hand grazing my stomach rolls made me want to disappear. -no photos with my dad from a couple of holidays because I hated the way I looked. while some of these may or may not resonate with you, I want you to think for a second of all that you may be robbing yourself of by not embracing your now, just as you are. genuine love, joy, intimacy, freedom, human connection, confidence, and those sweet untethered moments all require one thing at its core: ✨to fully show up with ALL parts of you✨ not the ones you selectively choose to show the world. it's a practice, loving yourself as you are. embracing your now. it doesn't happen overnight. so start practicing. because you deserve every sweet moment and experience life has to offer you, darling ♥️ so do it for them aka YOU.

A post shared by m i n n a l e e (@livingminnaly) on Dec 23, 2018 at 8:32am PST

4. "More people than you realize struggle with the same things as you."

Chances are more people in your life have dealt with eating disorders than you know. Many cases are hidden or undiagnosed. An estimated 30 million people living in the United States will have an eating disorder at some point in their life, according to NEDA.

5. "You don't need to qualify for an eating disorder—there is no such thing as not sick enough."

Lee points out that you don't have to reach some marker to officially have an eating disorder—and that the category encompasses more than just well-known conditions like anorexia and bulimia.

6. "No, your eating disorder and/or your body getting to where you want it is not going to solve all your problems."

Hitting a measurement or weight isn't the key to happiness. Take it from this woman who spread an important message about transformation photos.

7. "Fitting in those pants literally makes no difference in your life, other than the fact that you fit into some pants you really don't need to be in."

In the same vein, coming to terms with what size you wear, instead of obsessing over trying to hit a smaller number, can be freeing. (Case in point: Iskra Lawrence Shared a Compelling Message About Body Dysmorphia and Disordered Eating)

8. "If food or exercise feels like a reward or punishment, it's time to take care of your mind."

In another Instagram post, Lee shared that the process of changing how she approached food wasn't quick and easy, or finite. "it has taken me 13 years since my ED started for me to really get to this place. 13 years of pain, feeling hopeless, a lot of darkness, therapy, and pure hard ass WORK to get here," she wrote. (Related: I Needed to Give Up Bikram Yoga to Recover from My Eating Disorder)

✨I have a shoot on Monday that is for a really exciting project. when I found out about this project about a month ago, I was like oh great, a little extra boost of motivation to really stay on top of my nutrition and workout game because I also have my trip to Europe two days after that, and I just want to feel extra good in my skin headed into those things. and while I have been decently on my game overall, I haven't gone out of my way to adhere to anything specific and have not given myself a hard time for more than a brief moment for missing planned workouts. I wasn't planning on it, but I had drinks every night on this LA trip, an amazing grass-fed burger last night with fries, then 🤣airport bacon this morning. this is me yesterday after much of that. what I realized? I don't really need the other stuff anymore to feel good in my own skin. that feeling has much more to do with my state of mental health than any external stuff related to appearance. here's the kicker: it has taken me 13 years since my ED started for me to really get to this place. 13 years of pain, feeling hopeless, a lot of darkness, therapy, and pure hard ass WORK to get here. and it's not some final destination to get to where you are infallible. I still of course have many moments where I doubt myself, feel insecure, and don't feel awesome. but the steadiness in my value, my overall confidence, and comfort is something I now I have that I never have had before. so for anyone still feeling like it's an impossible place for yourself to get to, I'm letting you know it's not-- it just takes a whole lot of patience, compassion for yourself, willingness to get ugly + dirty with yourself to do the work, and time to heal those scars ❤️ but I believe in you. because you are more than capable of getting here too. ----- took this on my @samsungmobile Note 9 - make sure to come join me for my healthy holiday event at the @samsung837 space on Monday! ☺️ RSVP link in stories.

A post shared by m i n n a l e e (@livingminnaly) on Dec 1, 2018 at 9:18am PST

9. "You deserve to feel absolutely blissful in your own skin—but even feeling neutral is utter freedom from where you are. So start there."

Lee says she would assure her former self that any step in the right direction counts as progress.

10. "You don't have to be at your rock bottom to seek help."

And most importantly, Lee points out that everyone should feel good about prioritizing their well-being, no matter where their mindset and physical health stand.

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, NEDA's toll-free, confidential helpline (800-931-2237) is here to help.