10 Things You Should Never, Ever Change For a Crush
You know you should never change for someone else, and anyone who is worthy of you will like you exactly as you are. But sometimes, when you're in the throes of a brand new crush, you can forget the basics, and suddenly, you find yourself acting totally not like yourself. So here's a quick reminder of all the things you should never, ever change for your crush.
1. Your friends.
As the very wise Spice Girls once said, "If you wanna get with me, you gotta get with my friends." It sounds cliche, but crushes come and go, which is why you should never let one of them come in between you and your friends. If your crush isn't meshing with your besties (even though you know your besties are awesome because you handpicked them), chances are, the problem isn't with your friends - it's with your crush. And if you feel like you need to hang out with a different crew in order to be "cool" enough for your crush, think about if you you really want to date someone who only likes you based on your popularity or who you hang out with.
2. Your personality.
If your crush makes you feel like you have to to tone down your personality, or go out of your way to try and crack jokes to fit into their idea of what's funny, you're going to spend more time worrying about what impresses your crush or makes them laugh than enjoying yourself and living life. Plus, chances are, you're going to come off as inauthentic anyway. You're better off accepting that you and your crush's personalities aren't compatible and waiting for someone to come along who appreciates your fart jokes and loud, talkative nature.
3. Your interests.
Maybe your fave hobby is filming beauty blogs in your room. Maybe you like watching anime and drawing manga. Or maybe you're into writing fan fiction. Whatever it is: it's awesome and totally unique to you. Don't let your anyone make you feel weird about the things you're most passionate about. It's something you love to do and if they can't accept that, you guys would probably never work anyway. In the same vein, don't feel like you need to take up certain hobbies just because your crush is into them or they're "cool". Sure, it's fun to try new things, but you don't need to ditch chess club because you think your crush will think it's "dorky" and join the yearbook instead to impress someone you like. Your crush might think it's really cool that you're a chess whiz, but may never get a chance to find out if you ditch it just to join the same clubs as them.
4. Your beliefs.
Whether it's your religious beliefs or your political views, your belief system is bound to develop and change as you grow and learn - and that's totally okay. But one thing's for sure: you should never compromise your beliefs to impress your crush. If you're passionate about your faith, don't pretend not to be just because your crush isn't religious, or vice versa. If you're republican, don't pretend to be a democrat just because your crush is one. If you pretend to believe everything your crush believes, they're falling for a version of you that doesn't actually exist. Not to mention you're going to constantly have to pretend when you're around them and then go home and look at yourself in the mirror at the end of the day. Basically, not a great foundation for a fun, healthy relationship.
Being honest and discussing opposing beliefs is not only a lot more productive and authentic than just biting your tongue to avoid conflict, it's also HOT! People like to be challenged and just agreeing with everything your crush says and believes is boring, but having your own opinion and values and the courage to stand up for them is a lot more attractive. Plus, being honest might open up some awesome discussions and debates that could actually end up helping you develop a deeper understanding of what you believe and why.
5. Your taste in music.
One day, you and your bae are going to have your song (you know, the one that defines your relationship) and you're going to argue constantly about who gets to control the radio on that drive to the beach. So you are setting yourself up for a whole world of pain if you're not honest about your musical tastes with your crush. It might not seem like a big deal to grin and bare it through your crush's fave EDM track and pretend to like it (when you actually hate it) just to show them you have sooooo much in common, but then you'll end up having to listen to EDM a lot more than you'd like.
Which is why you should just be honest. Your crush might be a little bit bummed you're not into EDM (or whatever it is they're obsessed with), but it's really not a make or break difference of opinion. All it means is you'll have to switch off who controls the radio on your road trips together. No biggie.
6. Your tastes in general.
In the end, it's okay to have different tastes than your crush. You can like romantic dramas, and they can like comedies. You can like comic books and they can like classic literature. You can have completely different preferences, but still respect and like each other. Plus, if they know you're not really into their taste in music but you still buy them tickets to their fave EDM DJ's concert for their birthday, they'll appreciate the gesture that much more. Because they'll know you did it just for them.
As cliche as the phrase "opposites attract" sounds, there's a reason people say it so much. Having different tastes keeps things fresh and interesting in a relationship. It'll encourage you both to try new things. Who knows?! You might find out you like comic books a lot more than you thought because you gave them a chance for your crush. Or your crush may decide to watch that romantic comedy they land on while flipping through the channels because it reminds them of you, and then when they actually enjoy it, they'll have you to thank. See? Different tastes are awesome.
7. Your look.
If you wear pink every day, and your crush says something like, "Black is a really cool color. You should wear more black," (no joke, this actually happened to a friend of mine), that's a red flag that your crush may not be so cool, after all. Same goes for any suggestions to adjust your look. Phrases like, "You'd look great if you grew out your hair," or "Don't you think that skirt is a little short?" should never come out of your crush's mouth. Your crush should like you for the way YOU look at present. If he tries to change it, he's more interested in what you could look like rather than who you actually are.
On the other hand, you may feel pressured to change your look just to impress your crush or snag their attention, and it has nothing to do with anything your crush said or did. You tell yourself, "Maybe if I dressed a little more sexily," or "Maybe if I did my makeup like this," they'd notice you and give you a chance. You have to tell that little voice in your head to SHUT UP. It's so frustrating when your crush doesn't notice you, but it's almost worse if they notice you just because you changed the way you dressed or looked, when they never gave you the time of day when you were being your true self. If your crush never notices you or gives you a chance, it's not because of the way you look. It's because you and that one person weren't meant to be (and they're an idiot). Wouldn't you rather have someone who notices how gorgeous you are as is, anyway?
8. Your body.
There may be a little voice in your head telling you that maybe if you were a little bit taller or a little bit thinner, things with your crush would work out. But girls of all sizes are beautiful, and the things that annoy you about your body that you might see as "flaws", your crush probably doesn't even notice. You being comfortable with your body and owning it is much hotter than fitting into any dress size or having Kardashian-style curves.
9. How much money you or your family has.
Throughout the course of your romantic life, you're going to have crushes on people that might have a completely different lifestyle than you. They might go swimming at the country club every weekend, have an expensive car, and go out to eat at really expensive restaurants - things that you might not necessarily be able to afford. So when they ask you if you want to go to that concert in NYC next weekend and the tickets cost $200, in your head, you're like:
But because they invited you along and you're crushing on them hard, you might be tempted to scrape together every dime you made working at the grocery store (and ask for extra shifts), dip into your savings, and ask your parents to borrow money so you can go rather than tell them that you can't swing it. But the truth is, you can't keep up the act forever, and there's nothing wrong with being realistic and honest about your financial situation. Actually, it's the best policy. It'll, hopefully, encourage your crush to think of more creative, cheaper ideas for awesome chill seshes in the future and take the pressure off you to constantly come up with the cash to be able to do the more expensive things all the time.
Chances are, they'll be cool with it and won't care how much money you have or what you do as long as you get to hang out together. But if your crush isn't willing to ditch the nice restaurants and expensive concerts and take a nice (cheap) walk in the park with you every once in a while, or if they're not interested in you because you don't drive a nice car or live in a certain neighborhood, they're not worth your time anyway.
10. Your schedule.
When you're crushing on a new person, it's tempting to jump at any opportunity to hang out with them. They feel so fresh, and new, and like they can disappear at any point. So, what's the big deal with ditching one track and field practice to go get coffee with your crush after school, or skipping one movie night with your girls or dinner with the fam to go see a movie with bae?
While there's always some give and take when you start dating someone new, you should never put your academic commitments or your friends and family on the back-burner. Plus, it'll give your crush the idea that you're always available and make them think they don't have to make plans with you in advance. If your crush really wants to spend time with you, they should be willing to work with you to make your relationship work around both your schedules. Remember, having a busy, full life is attractive, and maintaining that life while still making time for your crush will also help you avoid moving too fast (which is definitely tempting when you first start a relationship.)
