10 Surprisingly Small Changes to Make If You Want Better Sex
By Suzannah Weiss. Photos: Stocksy.
There's a ton of advice out there about how to have better sex with your partner, but we don't always have the time or energy to work on new techniques or positions, much less the money to stock up on new toys every time we hit a sex slump.
Fortunately, you can hack your way into a great sex life with a few surprisingly tiny tweaks. We asked real women what small changes made for huge improvements in the sack, and their answers were refreshingly honest:
Focus on making time for sex
"We were in a rut and then put sex on our calendar. Twice a week, we got the kids to bed early, made a point to talk about something other than kids, and got to it. It sounds counterintuitive, but we just needed to make time for each other—literally. There were a lot of quickies at the beginning; I was touched out after spending all day with small children. But over time, we found our way back to each other, physically." —Jennifer, 39
Hang out, sans clothes
"A small change I made, which might sound a little silly, is that my boyfriend and I sometimes walk around the house in our underwear. At first, we were just lazy and hated pants, but at one point we realized we were being a lot more intimate in terms of hugging and snuggling." —Christine, 25
Forget feeling obligated to create intimacy
"I realized that oral sex felt way more intimate to me than intercourse, so now I only give or receive oral sex when I'm 100 percent comfortable—which should have been my rule all along anyway. Now I feel zero pressure for oral sex and it's liberating." —Hannah, 26
Encourage your partner to initiate
"It got to a point in our relationship where I was always initiating sex, and it started to make me feel like my husband didn't find me desirable anymore. I finally told him how I felt, and it turns out he was embarrassed to initiate if he knew he was going to come quicker than it took me to be satisfied, like first thing in the morning. I told him I didn't care if he came quickly, but that I wanted the intimacy regardless. Almost immediately, he started initiating more and more, and now we have sex almost every single day and I feel desired again!" —Chelsie, 29
Embrace those mid-day dirty thoughts
"The most impactful technique I have found is to think intimate thoughts—the kind that play out exactly how you want them to. It sounds so simple, but using your mind to feel sexy all day long really increases the level of desire and intensity." —Jillian, 34
Get creative about spending time together
"My husband and I were on the brink of divorce due to the lack of time we were able to spend with one another, as our jobs demanded that we travel a lot. One way my husband and I improved our intimacy was to join both of our careers together. Because we were spending less time traveling or being too tired from traveling, we had more time for sexual intimacy. Our sex was so much more sensual, creative, and spiritual." —Noelle, 38
One word: Lube
"I used to use lube sparingly, because eventually with enough stimulation I'll get super wet. Instead of waiting for my body to work its below-the-belt magic, I expedite things and use lube from the first twinge of pleasure—whether I'm engaging in solo or partner sex." —Charyn, 43
Heighten that passion
"I recommend getting more aggressive, be it sucking harder, scratching, or tugging hair." —Lily, 18
Lean into the occasional awkwardness
"Getting over (a lot of) my embarrassment about how I looked and what I was doing really opened me up. Bodies are just weird—but all of them, not just mine! Sex can be pretty awkward at times, but you have to roll with that awkwardness and then get back to having fun!" —Lily, 29
And sometimes, you just have to find a more understanding partner
"I realized I needed to find a partner who didn't put all the blame on me, directly or indirectly. I became more secure." —Jay, 26
This story originally appeared on Glamour.
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