9 Uses For That Sad Fruitcake You're Never Going To Eat

(Photo: )
(Photo: )

Here's how to turn the gift that no one wants into the gift that keeps on giving:

Use it as a door stop.

Turn it into a beer coozie.

Fix that wobbly kitchen table leg.

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Scrub your bathroom down with it.

Use it as a pillow.

Give your cats a fun, new perch to sit on.

Slap them on the ends of your dumbbells for extra resistance.

Carve some pockets in there and boom! Instant hand warmer.

No extra cannonballs lying around? No problem.

You can thank us later.

Animations by Eva Hill

Bacon Adhesive Bandages

Perfect for the bacon fan who falls down a lot.   <a href="http://www.amazon.com/BACON-shaped-themed-Adhesive-Bandages/dp/B000SSV8AA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1354634414&sr=8-1&keywords=bacon">Amazon.com</a>, <strong>$6.99</strong>
Perfect for the bacon fan who falls down a lot. Amazon.com, $6.99

Bacon Air Freshener

If your bacon-loving friend lives alone, this is a perfect gift.    <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Bacon-Scented-Car-Air-Freshener/dp/B000SSVZLW/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1354634414&sr=8-2&keywords=bacon">Amazon.com</a>, <strong>$5.95</strong>

Bacon Lip Balm

There truly is a lip balm flavor for everyone.    <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Accoutrements-11957-Lip-Balm-Bacon/dp/B002SIFQUQ/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1354634414&sr=8-6&keywords=bacon">Amazon.com</a>, <strong>$5.99</strong>
There truly is a lip balm flavor for everyone. Amazon.com, $5.99

Bacon And Eggs Scarf

This scarf is the great way to show that you're the quirky aunt.    <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004669CVC/ref=as_li_ss_til?tag=blaitonthevoi-20&camp=0&creative=0&linkCode=as4&creativeASIN=B004669CVC&adid=0TT7PCMPBWV9KJBTX4WM">Amazon.com</a>, <strong>$32.99</strong>

Bacon And Maple Syrup Lollipop

A lollipop for those younger bacon lovers.   <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Man-Bait-Bacon-Lollipop-lollipop/dp/B002P23I50/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1354634414&sr=8-9&keywords=bacon">Amazon.com</a>, <strong>$0.50</strong>
A lollipop for those younger bacon lovers. Amazon.com, $0.50

Bacon Wrapping Paper

This wrapping paper is a necessity for all of these gifts.   <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Accoutrements-12169-Bacon-Gift-Wrap/dp/B0051GLWGE/ref=sr_1_11?ie=UTF8&qid=1354634414&sr=8-11&keywords=bacon">Amazon.com</a>, <strong>$7.98</strong>

Bacon Boxers

These boxers are the perfect way to seduce a fellow bacon lover.   <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/99370542/bacon-cotton-boxers?ref=sr_gallery_18&ga_search_query=bacon&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=all">Etsy</a>, <strong>$18</strong>

Bacon Soap

If you want to be clean, but also never get rid of the smell.   <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Bacon-Soap-Wonder-Designed-Novelty/dp/B007A3ECWM/ref=sr_1_199?ie=UTF8&qid=1354636246&sr=8-199&keywords=bacon">Amazon.com</a>, <strong>$6.98 </strong>

Bacon Toothpaste

This toothpaste is a great way to almost clean your teeth.   <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Accoutrements-Bacons-Bacon-Flavored-Toothpaste/dp/B004MBNK5K/ref=sr_1_16?ie=UTF8&qid=1354634414&sr=8-16&keywords=bacon">Amazon.com</a>, <strong>$5.99</strong>

Bacon Elements Shirt

Why is bacon so good? Because science.  <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Chemistry-Bacon-shirt-funny-vintage/dp/B00644OCDM/ref=sr_1_24?ie=UTF8&qid=1354635460&sr=8-24&keywords=bacon">Amazon.com</a>, <strong>$13.80-$20.99</strong>
Why is bacon so good? Because science. Amazon.com, $13.80-$20.99

Bacon Roll On Perfume

No matter what they say, this should not be used to attract a man.   <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/89618750/roll-on-perfume-bacon-scented-perfume?ref=sr_gallery_36&ga_search_query=bacon&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=all">Etsy</a>, <strong>$8</strong>

Bacon And Egg Gloves

These are only for people who really really  <em>get it</em>.   <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/115329712/bacon-and-egg-fingerless-mitts?ref=sr_gallery_11&ga_search_query=bacon&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_page=2&ga_search_type=all">Etsy</a>, <strong>$8</strong>

Bacon iPhone Case

Just don't let anyone eat your iPhone.   <a href="http://www.amazon.com/BLACK-Snap-Case-iPhone-Plastic/dp/B008H0HSV4/ref=sr_1_57?ie=UTF8&qid=1354635636&sr=8-57&keywords=bacon">Amazon.com</a>, <strong>$19.99</strong>
Just don't let anyone eat your iPhone. Amazon.com, $19.99

Bacon Whip

This gift is perfect for a very specific kind of Christian Grey fan.    <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/115188163/bacon-leather-flogger-whip-bdsm-kink?ref=sr_gallery_14&ga_search_query=bacon&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_page=4&ga_search_type=all">Etsy</a>,<strong> $125</strong>

Bacon Frosting

Perfect if you want a cake that could please maybe five people.   <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Accoutrements-Bacon-Frosting/dp/B005RD7AYY/ref=sr_1_133?ie=UTF8&qid=1354635948&sr=8-133&keywords=bacon">Amazon.com</a>, <strong>$6.99</strong>

Bacon Calendar

Every day you get a new bacon affirmation.   <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Bacon-Love-2013-Boxed-Calendar/dp/B0081Z7SLK/ref=sr_1_150?ie=UTF8&qid=1354636017&sr=8-150&keywords=bacon">Amazon.com</a>, <strong>$14.99</strong>
Every day you get a new bacon affirmation. Amazon.com, $14.99

Bacon Pillows

Who couldn't use some happy, little bacon to brighten your day?  <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/96658166/big-happy-bacon-plush?ref=sr_gallery_9&ga_search_query=bacon&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_page=5&ga_search_type=all">Etsy</a>, <strong>$20</strong>

Bacon Body Pillow

Bonus: You put it in your car's passenger seat in order to use the carpool lane.  <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/80286183/bacon-body-pillow?ref=sr_gallery_9&ga_search_query=bacon&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_page=6&ga_search_type=all">Etsy</a>, <strong>$32</strong>

Bacon Bookmarks

Don't let reading distract you from what's really important.  <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Mix-It-Stix-1977-LAM/dp/B006H3N3HQ/ref=sr_1_217?ie=UTF8&qid=1354636308&sr=8-217&keywords=bacon">Amazon.com</a>, <strong>$4.95</strong>
Don't let reading distract you from what's really important. Amazon.com, $4.95

Bacon Floss

Bacon in your teeth? We've got the perfect floss for you.  <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Accouterments-Bacon-Dental-Floss/dp/B0050D9A7G/ref=sr_1_234?ie=UTF8&qid=1354636378&sr=8-234&keywords=bacon">Amazon.com</a>, <strong>$7.24</strong>.

Bacon Button

Bacon haters to the left!  <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Bacon-Haters-Gonna-Pocket-Mirror/dp/B006VXIVII/ref=sr_1_267?ie=UTF8&qid=1354636435&sr=8-267&keywords=bacon">Amazon.com</a>, <strong>$4.99</strong>
Bacon haters to the left! Amazon.com, $4.99

Bacon Mug

Once your breakfast bacon is gone, you can still commemorate it with this bacon coffee mug.   <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/116554569/ceramic-bacon-mug?ref=sr_gallery_40&ga_search_query=bacon&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_page=11&ga_search_type=all">Etsy</a>, <strong>$25</strong>

Bacon Table Runner

Now you'll always have bacon on the table.  <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/96791277/bacon-table-runner?ref=sr_gallery_18&ga_search_query=bacon&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_page=18&ga_search_type=all">Etsy</a>, <strong>$15</strong>

Bacon Tie

Perfect for the businessman/bacon aficionado.   <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/62901878/bacon-tie-hand-painted-silk-necktie?ref=sr_gallery_14&ga_search_query=bacon&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_page=20&ga_search_type=all">Etsy</a>, <strong>$40</strong>

Bacon Cosmetic Pouch

Your face doesn't have to look greasy, even if your favorite food is.   <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/99706708/bacon-zipper-cosmetic-pouch-small?ref=sr_gallery_43&ga_search_query=bacon&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_page=26&ga_search_type=all">Etsy</a>, <strong>$10</strong>

Bacon Bracelet

A great way to tell a bacon-lover that you love her almost as much as bacon.   <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/115118497/bacon-bracelet?ref=sr_gallery_14&ga_search_query=bacon&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_page=35&ga_search_type=all">Etsy</a>, <strong>$13</strong>

Bacon Decal

Remember that one time you tried apples and bacon together? Never forget.  <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/88588298/vinyl-bacon-strips-11-laptop?ref=sr_gallery_43&ga_search_query=bacon&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_page=41&ga_search_type=all">Etsy</a>, <strong>$6.99</strong>

Bacon Baby Booties

It's never to early to start teaching your children the importance of bacon in our culture.  <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/107456597/6-12-months-bacon-slippers?ref=sr_gallery_12&ga_search_query=bacon&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_page=54&ga_search_type=all">Etsy</a>, <strong>$11</strong>

Bacon Clock

It's always bacon o'clock somewhere.  <a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/93044997/either-you-like-bacon-or-youre-wrong-10?ref=sr_gallery_13&ga_search_query=bacon&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_page=55&ga_search_type=all">Etsy</a>, <strong>$24.99</strong>

101 Things To Do With Bacon Book

If you get through this entire cookbook and STILL want more bacon, you'll know your love is true.  <a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/101-things-to-do-with-bacon-eliza-cross/1101005273?cm_mmc=googlepla-_-book-_-q000000633-_-9781423620969&cm_mmca2=pla&ean=9781423620969&r=1">Barnes & Noble</a>, <strong>$9.99</strong>

This article originally appeared on HuffPost.