Your Guide to Peeing Politely—Anywhere You've Gotta Go

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Including porta-potties, the ocean, and more (Photo: Shutterstock)

No matter where you are, if it feels like your bladder is twisting itself into a pretzel and holding up a “bathroom, ASAP” sign, you just gotta go.

And unless you’re in your own home, peeing can become an issue of etiquette. “Restroom etiquette is significant because you’re in a private space, but it’s still a place other people use,” says Diane Gottsman, national etiquette expert and owner of The Protocol School of Texas. Point being, while pursuing the comfort of emptying your bladder, you don’t want to inadvertently make someone else feel uncomfortable or awkward! With that in mind, here are Gottsman’s tips for minding your manners while you go number one.

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In a Porta-Potty:

Think ahead. “Just try not to touch anything you don’t have to,” says Gottsman. If you know you’re going to a sports game or music festival where porta-potties abound, you can minimize the inevitable ick factor by arming yourself with wet wipes and hand sanitizer. Not only will you feel cleaner, you won’t be touching people with unclean post-porta potty digits, says Gottsman.

Don’t use them as trash. Even though they’re usually so dirty they seem like the actual depths of hell, don’t leave bottles, cans, food wrappers, or other trash behind, says Gottsman. While other people may not care, a porta-potty is still a restroom, so the “leave it as clean as you found it” rule still applies.

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Keep it quick. Lines at porta-potties always seem like they could snake around a city block, so it’s polite to get in and out. “Don’t spend more time in the porta-potty than necessary,” says Gottsman. Once you’ve done your business quickly and efficiently, it’s kind to let the next person know if things are especially bad in there. “A friendly smile and heads up warning is in order, even though they may have limited options in porta-potty choices,” says Gottsman. Bonus: If you warn the next person that the porta-potty is really dirty, it’s basically you telling them you weren’t the one who made the mess—otherwise you’d probably be too embarrassed to mention it, right?

Related: Is It Harmful to Hold in Your Pee?

In the Ocean:

Think of it as a last resort. “In a perfect world, beach-goers would have access to clean facilities, plentiful along the beach,” says Gottsman. In reality, though, you may be miles from a hotel or public restroom. Still, out of respect for other people at the beach, you should only go in the ocean if you’ve done your due diligence in seeking out a bathroom. “After a second or third attempt to find a clean restroom, I’d prefer to see someone frolicking in the ocean—but not telling anyone what they’re doing—than watching them relieve themselves behind a dune where someone can step on the wet sand,” says Gottsman.

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Space yourself out. Take a break from playing around with your friends in the waves and isolate yourself while you’re doing the deed. You can pretend you’re trying out a new stroke, head a bit away to a less populated area, then let loose. “It’s not tasteful to tell someone they’re potentially being swooshed with your urine,” says Gottsman. It’s also not the most polite thing in the world to keep it to yourself, but still pee next to them anyway. Make sure your quasi-privacy isn’t close to a coral reef though, as that can potentially damage their growth, says Gottsman. (And don’t think these rules can apply to peeing in a pool—that’s a big no!)

Related: Everything You Never Wanted to Know About Public Toilets

At a Bar:

Leave it as clean as you found it. “There’s no question other public restrooms, are messy,”  says Gottsman. “It’s not your job to police and clean up a public bathroom, but you also don’t want to make it worse.” That means even if there are tissues strewn about, you should still deposit yours in a trash can, and you definitely shouldn’t flush any sanitary products. Toss them into the little receptacle and make sure they’re completely in there, not half-in, half-out, says Gottsman.

Use toilet paper to flush, not your foot. One big thing to keep in mind with restroom etiquette: Although you may know how dirty the flusher is and be able to lift your foot to reach it, some people don’t have that option. Many bars double as restaurants, so people of all ages might be using that bathroom. “Younger children and elderly people are often using their hands, so you should be courteous,” says Gottsman. Use toilet paper on the flusher, then throw it away in a wastebasket. And if you try to use your foot and you’re inebriated or in high heels (or both), you could injure yourself.

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Keep your phone in your purse. A little pee session is the perfect time to scroll through Instagram or look around for good brunch places, right? Wrong. “It’s just unsanitary to use your phone while peeing,” says Gottsman. “It also sends multiple messages, depending on who sees you. It can seem like you’re desperately waiting for a text, or just come across as very unsophisticated.” Just stash your phone and wait until after you’ve washed your hands to whip it out again. And definitely don’t call someone while you’re whizzing away. “When you hear a flush in the background, it’s unappealing and rather unsavory,” says Gottsman.

Related: Why You’re Always Waking Up to Pee—and How to Make It Stop

In the Office Restroom:

Pee and go. If you head into the bathroom and see a colleague, acknowledge them politely, then get to business. “You should exchange a short, pleasant comment rather than start a lengthy conversation,” says Gottsman. That also applies if you’re done when someone you need to chat with enters the bathroom. “Don’t dawdle around to have a conversation with someone,” says Gottsman. “The bathroom is not a meeting place.”

If you sprinkle when you tinkle… When you hover over the seat, chances are you’ll get some excess urine on it. “Don’t leave a wet mess for someone else to clean up,” says Gottsman. “Use tissue and wipe down the areas you misjudged.”  Or you can just plonk your behind on the seat from the get-go since there’s not nearly as much bacteria on it as you’d think.

Wash well. Good hand-washing is key for proper hygiene, but it also reassures your coworkers that you’re a clean person, says Gottsman. People are prone to noticing if you always waltz out after just a cursory splash on your hands with no soap.

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Don’t peek around. If you’re pee-shy or just curious in general, you might get the urge to look under the stalls to see who else is there. Fight it. “You may only be looking at shoes, but if another person is also looking, it’s creepy to see someone’s head peering back at you,” says Gottsman.

At a Date’s Place:

Run the water. Remember, every single person on this planet pees! There’s no logical reason to be bashful about a guy you like hearing you. But of course, embarrassment isn’t logical. “If you don’t want anyone to hear you in a private home, or you suddenly get pee anxiety and can’t go, the sound of running water often does the trick,” says Gottsman. Just try to limit this to times when it’s absolutely necessary since part of being a good guest is also being conscious of utilities.

Put the seat down. “It’s polite to leave the toilet in the best state possible,” says Gottsman. That includes the simple step of lowering the lid after you’ve flushed. Etiquette is often about the smaller touches that show how thoughtful you are without really costing you much. “Putting the lid down just makes everything look nice and neat,” says Gottsman. Every little bit helps when it comes to impressing a date, doesn’t it?

Lock the door. Because you don’t want to deal with this:

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Gifs courtesy of giphy.com

By Zahra Barnes

More from Women’s Health:

How to Poop Politely at Work, on Planes, and at a Guy’s Place

The Absolute Best Way to Wipe Your Netherbits

Your Definitive Guide to Pooping