You Don't Need To Be Happy All The Time: Here's Why

(Photo: Cover Design by John Vairo Jr.; cover photograph by iStock)

Canadian writer Kim Korson had a typical 1970s suburban upbringing. And aside from the fact that her father wore makeup, cowboy boots, and full-length fur coats, and her newly feminist mother ruthlessly banned Barbie due to her being“an unrealistic role model for young girls,”not much stood in the way of Korson’s happiness. But she’s always had a penchant for the dour, an “exquisite talent for negativity.” Why is this? As her therapist once said, “Why can’t Kim be happy?”

Korson explores this in her recently published memoir I Don’t Have a Happy Place (Gallery Books), a series of side-splittingly funny short stories of past discontent ranging from the untimely drowning of the neighbor’s babysitter to breaking up with her brief show-biz career to wishing she could call out sick from her own wedding. With raw humor, candor, and a voice that will have you nodding along in emphatic agreement, Korson lets readers know—via a good dose of laughter—why it’s totally OK to be a Debbie Downer.

Glamour: With the new Showtime show “Happyish,” premiering on April 26 and books like yours and Jenny Lawson’s Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things coming this fall, there’s a lot of focus on people who are in a perpetual state of discontent. Do you think there is a trend toward embracing that it’s ok not always to be happy?

Kim Korson: Oh God, I hope so. There’s an awful lot of pressure out there for everyone to be happy all the time. But what if you’re just not wired that way? I realize that I’m an extreme situation but it would be lovely for everyone else to be let off the happy hook. My wish is that the malcontent side helps to even out the scale for those who fall in the middle. Normal people. I’m not saying I want to drag others down on the malcontent side of things, but I would like others who have trouble experiencing happiness to know that you can still function out there. I don’t want to beat up happy people or anything like that; I only want a small revolt from the unhappy side. I love a good backlash.

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Glamour: Are you grateful that your therapist asked you, “Can’t you ever be happy?” which led you to write a book stemming from this very question?

KK: It took many years to be grateful for that question. First I had to make fun of it for a while. When I was done deflecting with humor, I realized it was a pretty valid question. It’s a rare instance when you can actually use hindsight. It was hard to admit that I can’t be happy, or happy for more than a moment, but it was also liberating to know that about myself, accept it, and continue living with it.

Glamour: Why is it OK to use humor to deal with tough events?

KK: Humor lets the air out of any situation; without it, I think I’d suffocate. As my husband’s aunt used to say, “If you don’t laugh, you cry.” Don’t get me wrong, I cry all the time and I rather enjoy it, but there’s nothing like a good laugh. Even for a miserable person like me.

Glamour: Has writing I Don’t Have a Happy Place changed your relationship with the people mentioned in the book?

KK: Not yet. I tried hard to shine the harshest light on myself but I wanted to make sure I was writing from a true place, an honest place, and I’m not sure how some people will experience that. I just made sure to never write from a place of anger. Hopefully everyone will take it with a grain of salt. My family is quite private, and clearly I am not. So stay tuned.

Glamour: After writing your memoir, did you look back at events that happened with a new perspective? Did writing help unpack and explore dormant emotions?

KK: Is it possible to have an even worse perspective? Is that a thing? Before writing this book, I thought I was pretty well versed in my emotions and negativity. However, if you fully unpack all your life’s baggage, you notice a few gems hiding under your toiletry kit.

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Glamour: Was there ever a moment you felt defeated and wanted to stop? How did you push through it?

KK: If we’re being honest, I felt defeated almost every day. Every writer knows, intellectually, that first drafts have to be terrible. Also, that it is daunting to stare at a blank page. By writing linked stories that could stand alone, it felt like I had to write 14 first drafts, and with each new story, it was terrifying to start again from scratch. Not to mention, I am obviously wired for negative thinking and low self-esteem, which equaled many wasted hours telling myself I couldn’t do it. However, usually, magically, by the third draft of each chapter, I’d find my way out of the muck. I even enjoyed it. Well, for a while, anyway.

Glamour: What do you hope readers take away from your memoir?

KK: I want readers to know that you don’t have to be happy all the time. You’re not a complete failure as a human if you have a gloomier setting. I’m definitely an extreme example, but there are a lot of closeted malcontents out there. I hope also that readers that feel this way, or even partly this way, can learn to feel comfortable feeling uncomfortable in their skin.

By Abbe Wright

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