Where Are My Boots? Alzheimer’s Disease Stole Them
(Photo courtesy of Michael Ellenbogen)
By Michael Ellenbogen, special to Everyday Health
I have read so many stories about people living with dementia accusing their caregiver – make that “assistant” because I don’t like the term caregiver – of stealing their belongings.
As a person with dementia I was hoping I would never become one of those people (because I knew it could be very hurtful to those around me). However, as I continue to decline into this black hole that is Alzheimer’s disease, I find myself trying to analyze these things to see if there is any truth to them or it is simply a misunderstanding. As someone living with dementia, I am an ideal person to have examine these issues.
In the past year or so I have become very accusatory of my assistant/wife when I have not been able to locate something. In my mind, I know I had put something in a certain location and it was no longer there. Most of the time it turned out that I was right and my wife had moved it somewhere else, so only she could locate it. I have also been told that I overreact and am too quick to blame. That may be true; however, I am not sure why I cannot hold back those emotions and have more control. But the fact is I don’t, and it is not going to get better. It is more likely get worse as I see myself transforming into something I don’t want to become.
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Today I woke up and we had snow, so I needed to clear the driveway and footpath. When I went to the place where I keep my boots, they were not there. As I searched in various places, I kept saying to my wife that she had done something with them. She was helping me look and telling me she had not moved them. I just could not believe that I was unable to find them. Then I seemed to remember that they may have had some cracks in them.
Now I’m Searching for Two Pairs of Boots
Although neither my wife nor I was able to find the boots, I was not thinking someone had stolen them, even though we’d had had many workers in the house in the last year and these are really great boots. Then all of a sudden I remembered that the manufacturer had sent me another pair. This made it more interesting because now I could not find TWO pairs of boots that are about 18 inches high and therefore not easy to misplace.
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My wife kept insisting that she did not know where they were, and I began thinking that they could have possibly been stolen, especially since one pair had never been worn. But then I was thinking that maybe I threw one pair out and am only looking for the new pair. This went on for a while as we both continued to search the house, which in itself has become a disaster zone from the way all of my stuff has been moved around. I finally convinced myself that the boots had been stolen. There seemed no other explanation, and I was not even sure how many pairs we were looking for.
I decided to give up and accept that they were gone and put on another pair of work boots that, although not designed for snow, would do the job. My wife continued to search all of her locations, only to come up empty. Then she had an idea and went upstairs and promptly came down with two pairs of boots, telling me that if I had put them away in the first place she would not have had to find a place for them. The mystery of the missing boots was solved.
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Although I was glad they hadn’t been stolen, it was much easier to accept them as being stolen so I could justify being unable to find them. However, in my mind I blamed my wife since she was ultimately the reason I couldn’t find them.
Alzheimer’s Memory: A Movie Pieced Together From Film Fragments
Alzheimer’s disease sucks in so many ways. I don’t have a clear vision of things in my mind, just minute spots of memories. And I do mean spots. I need to be able to magnify the spot in order to make sense of it but I am no longer able to do that. I no longer have groups of thoughts that I can make sense of. Instead I have flashes of memories, which may be completely irrelevant to what is going on at that moment.
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The only way I can describe it is the way a film works. To make a complete film you need hundreds of still shots per second to build up the picture on screen. Every once in a while I may have one still shot that lacks clarity and meaning before having it fade to nothing in a matter of seconds. So before you think the person with dementia is going crazy, you should probably ask yourself if you or someone else moved the missing item or got rid of it. There is something positive to be taken from a situation such as this: At least the person with dementia is still capable of thought, no matter how fragmented.
Michael Ellenbogen was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at age 49, in 2008. He has since started a campaign to raise awareness of the daily struggles of people living with Alzheimer’s and dementia. His new book, From the Corner Office to Alzheimer’s, is available on Amazon. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter.
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This article originally appeared on EverydayHealth.com: Where Are My Boots? Alzheimer’s Disease Stole Them
