What Men Think: An Introduction To The Male Mind
The dating game from a guy’s point of view. (Illustration: Samantha Hahn)
Remember those halcyon days of romance and relationships, when two people met, then married, then happiness, calamity, and a couple of kids ensued? Of course you don’t; you’re living in the 21st century. There’s no one path to happily ever after anymore, which is great. But for those of us stuck in a longer-than-ever cycle of dating, we know something not-so-great: Dating has become a bit of a blood sport, not unlike a Roman gladiatorial game. At the very least, it’s an all-out public relations war in which the best profile wins. Not helping matters is the fact that, despite having interacted socially for roughly 60,000 years or so now, men and women still have yet to really figure each other out.
My own dating life has been a quixotic tale of mistake and misadventure, one that has been alarmingly impervious Silicon Valley voodoo. Swiping right has yet to inspire true love in my life. Dating, for me, is a vaguely expensive job interview that may or may not end in sex.
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Here’s my resume, (slides across table) I think you’ll find that my references are in order.”
But even if your first interview impression was a good one, it always seems to become…confusing. Is she mad? Is he really that much of a jerk? And what in God’s name are all of these emojis for?!
As a long-standing serial dater and a mostly recovered commitment-phobe, I probably represent the average decent guy out there (or so my editors at Glamour would like to think), and I’m here to try to help. Don’t get me wrong, when it comes to understanding the opposite sex, I’m probably better off tackling the mysteries of quantum physics. But what I do understand is men. Mainly because I am one. So I was thinking I could serve as something of a go-between, a guide through the mind of a male. If a guy does something weird, rude, or otherwise annoying, I can try to tell you why the f*ck that just happened.
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So every week, please hit me with the complaints, laments, misunderstandings, and frustrations you may have. I can help to unravel the odd mystery here and there, and maybe offer a splash of advice, an occasional helping of wisdom, and a no-doubt generous portion of my own follies.
Until then,
Scott
By Scott Christian
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