The Top 12 Oral Sex Mistakes
(Photo Courtesy of Christopher Robbins / Getty Images)
It is likely that you’ve had oral sex and it’s been great. This is one sex act that is unlikely to go too awry. But even in the relatively foolproof world of oral, there is always room for improvement. “I think it’s like anything else, you don’t want to be predictable and boring. And I think everybody can always learn to be a better lover,” says sexologist Ava Cadell, founder of Sexpert.com. She isn’t just saying this either. Cadell is author of The Sexy Little Book of Oral Pleasure and has a whole DVD series on the topic. Even with all that available, she has offered us some expert tips to share with both men and women (so, go ahead and share this story) about giving and receiving oral sex.
Related: 10 Tips for Giving the Best Oral Sex
Women: Going too Fast
(Photo Courtesy of Jon Edwards Photography / Getty Images / StockFood)
In most cases, giving a satisfying blow job is quite easy. Many men are plenty excited by a partner who will just dive right in, but consider spicing things up by building some anticipation, suggests Cadell. Kiss him on the lips, ears, and neck and work your way down. Or, if he’s game, start from the toes and move upward.
Related: 12 Things Everyone Should Know About Vaginas
Both: Sticking to One Position
(Photo Courtesy of Zac Macaulay / Getty Images)
Cadell says that most people tend to have oral sex in the same position, at the same time, in the same place. There’s nothing wrong with that, but switching these elements up can yield surprising and exciting results. Changing your position when having oral sex — laying down, sitting, standing, kneeling, from behind — can create all new sensations.
Related: 10 Sex Positions That Will Get Her Off Every Time
Men: Making It Too Complicated
(Photo Courtesy of A Carmichael / Getty Images)
All men can use a little refresher on this basic oral sex technique. Step 1: Bring your partner close with a pillow or your hand under her butt. Step 2: Kiss her vulva (that is the entire genital area down there) as you would her mouth. “That’s, without a doubt, the simplest, most effective, most passionate and enthusiastic way that a guy can give oral sex to a woman,” says Cadell.
Related: 12 Things Every Man Should Know About Female Orgasms
Women: Changing Up the Rhythm
(Photo Courtesy of Donna Day / Getty Images)
There is a point of inevitability when a man is going to have an orgasm no matter what, but changing the tempo of your oral sex technique can still throw this moment a little off. “That’s like stopping somebody in the middle of a sneeze,” says Cadell. “It’s very annoying.”
Related: 10 Tips for Anal Sex
Men: Sticking to Just One Task
(Photo Courtesy of Ingram Publishing / Getty Images)
Most women can have an orgasm from oral sex. Some women can reach climax after thirty seconds, but most require more time than that. Often, this is because they need something other than what’s going on. “If she’s not getting the right kind of stimulation, then she’s going to take a long time,” says Cadell. Along with switching up your tongue movement and asking her which she prefers, using your fingers to stimulate her during oral can make a big difference in the speed and intensity of her arousal.
Related: 10 Ways to Prevent Erectile Dysfunction
Women: Ignoring the Four S’s
(Photo Courtesy of Tim Macpherson / Getty Images)
Cadell has Four S’s that women can use, together or selectively, to give especially exhilarating oral. The first is slap. This is not a hard slap, but Cadell says many men find it very visually arousing when their partner uses their penis to lightly tap parts of their body, such as their face or breasts. S two is spit. Seeing a woman spit and use that as lubrication on the penis or testicles is another common favorite. The third S is suck. Get a rhythm and create a vacuum, especially around the head of the penis. The final S is swallow, and may or may not be something the giver wants to do (more on this later).
Men: Forgetting the A, B, Cs
(Photo Courtesy of A Carmichael / Getty Images)
Everyone knows the alphabet trick. Do the ABC’s on the vulva to see what a woman likes. That is a great technique, but here is a simpler one from Cadell: move your tongue in lapping motions over her clitoris (like you’re painting a fencepost), switch to windshield-wiper movements, finish with circles. Then ask her which she likes best, A, B, or C.
Both: Navigating the Finish
(Photo Courtesy of Glow Wellness / Getty Images / ArtBox Images)
Many men find swallowing very sexy — and quite a few women don’t want to do this. “If a man wants a woman to swallow, then she has every right to say: you taste it first and if it’s good enough for you, it’s good enough for me,” says Cadell. Even if you aren’t down for this dare, don’t harshly reject his request or express disgust. There are compromises available. You can fake it by using your hand as an extension of your mouth, you can spit (still might not be an option), or you can ask if he’d like to ejaculate somewhere else on your body.
Related: 12 Things Every Man Should Know About His Penis
Both: Being Unrealistic
(Photo Courtesy of Anthony Marsland / Getty Images)
Not all men enjoy the way a woman tastes down there. “The biggest problem is that men think that women should taste like flowers or autumn rain,” says Cadell, “and the truth of the matter is, that’s unrealistic.” Couples should not address this issue by having her douche or use scented products down there because that could cause imbalance and infection. Bringing this up bluntly may not be wise either. What you can do is suggest bathing together before or during oral. For women, Cadell also advises a self-taste test, so you can know what your partner is experiencing.
Men: Forgetting to Use Your Lips
(Photo Courtesy of A Carmichael / Getty Images)
Here is the somewhat silly sex technique you’ve been waiting for: The Harmonica. It’s exactly what it sounds like, using your lips as though you are playing a harmonica. Vibrate and actually make a tune while you give her oral sex. “That can be a different sensation,” says Cadell. “That can be something that she won’t forget.” Not every woman will like this but some will love it.
Related: 10 Ways to Maximize Pleasure During Sex
Women: Keeping Quiet
(Photo Courtesy of Christopher Robbins / Getty Images)
“I think silence is the worst thing you can do, probably, when it comes to oral sex,” says Cadell. Women, who are generally the more particular when it comes to their preferences, are also the more likely to stay zip-lipped. This doesn’t get anyone what they want. It might take a while to get comfortable talking during sex if you aren’t use to it, but this really matters. “You’ve got to have sexy, good, honest communication,” says Cadell.
Both: Sticking to a Routine
(Photo Courtesy of Daniel Reiter / Getty Images / Stock4B Creative)
Even the most basic oral sex feels good for most people, but don’t let that lull you into a boring routine. Oral is wonderfully versatile, and experimenting with it can be a healthy relationship activity. “I think oral sex games are really important,” says Cadell. Use food in a sexy way (but not putting anything questionable inside a woman) or try out different flavored condoms. Give sex toys a whirl or see how role-playing works for you. Couples can also keep ice and warm tea nearby to create thrilling hot/cold sensations.
By Taylor Kubota
