The Angie Ban: Is Hugh Jackman's Wife Controlling, Or Cautious?
Would you allow your partner to work with Angelina Jolie? (Gif: Corbis/Glenn Nicholls/Yahoo)
Actor Hugh Jackman has been married to his wife Deborra-Lee Furness for nearly 20 years, and the two have one of the most successful relationships in Hollywood.
But, according to Furness, she has one rule when it comes to Jackman’s on-screen relationships. “I’ve told his agent that he’s not allowed to work with Angelina [Jolie],” she told Australia’s Today show. “I’m sure she’s very nice and I love what she’s doing, shining a light on awareness for adoption…” said Furness, who created Adopt Change, an organization that aims to simplify adoption, before adding, “I’m just kidding,” and explaining that they do have a rule that they can’t be apart for more than two weeks.
Actor Hugh Jackman with his wife Deborra-Lee Furness. (Photo: Getty Images)
Whether she’s serious or not, Furness wouldn’t be the first person to put a restriction on a partner’s actions. Experts say it’s fairly common in relationships— and can even be effective — but it’s definitely something to be wary of.
“You’ve got to be really careful with that,” psychologist Paul Coleman, PsyD, author of “Finding Peace When Your Heart Is In Pieces,” tells Yahoo Health. “When someone makes that restriction, that is their idea of a solution to a problem. The question is, is that the real problem?”
One of the most common restrictions — forbidding a partner from talking to an ex — may not be getting at the root of the issue, he says: “Is there flirting going on? Is one person insecure? Has someone cheated? That’s the problem.”
Jackman and Furness walk their dogs. (Photo: Getty Images)
But psychotherapist David Klow, owner of Skylight Counseling Center in Chicago, says being a little controlling isn’t always a bad thing, provided it’s within reason. “In a relationship, there are times when we need to put restrictions on our partners in order to make it work,” he tells Yahoo Health. “If we are uncomfortable and don’t do anything about it, then we might end up compromising ourselves.”
Of course, demanding that your partner stay away from someone or avoid certain behaviors probably isn’t going to go over well. Instead, Klow advises that you figure out why you want the restriction first.
If it’s due to an insecurity, that’s something that needs to be worked out on a personal level. But if it’s because more assurance is needed in the relationship, that’s when it’s time to speak up, he says, adding that it’s normal for our sense of security to rise and fall in our relationships over time.
Related: 25 Unmistakable Signs He’s in Love With You
Of course, if your partner is often flirtatious with an ex or is putting himself or herself in a potentially bad situation, you need to address that issue. The best way to do that, says Coleman, is to come up with a solution together. Otherwise, you’re potentially walking into a minefield.
“If you’re in a reasonably fair relationship and someone says ‘Don’t do that,’ it may make you feel untrusted or resentful,” Coleman says. “You’re better off discussing the nature of the problem, and then come up with ways to resolve it.”
Coleman also advises steering clear of anything along the lines of “if you love me, you would…” since that can become emotional blackmail.
By having an open, honest conversation with your partner about what’s really bothering you, you’re much more likely to get what you want—and may even become closer as a result, says Klow.
Furness later said in the interview that the key to maintaining a successful relationship is simply choosing the right person: “If you get it right, if you pick the right partner, then you traverse all those travails and challenges.”
And, apparently, staying away from Angelina Jolie doesn’t hurt either.
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